Romans 9:16 and Some of Psalm 137:9

The word there is "Will" not "Desire". You're using a bad translation. Which, if you desire the LORD, and desire to fear His name, you'll be saved. Which, that desire is for righteousness, which God foreknew those Who'd desire His law, and predestined them with Grace.

O Lord, I beseech thee, let now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant, and to the prayer of thy servants, who desire to fear thy name: and prosper, I pray thee, thy servant this day, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man. For I was the king's cupbearer.

Generally, most deconversions come from despising the Law. Which God foreknew who'd cherish it and who wouldn't. But, Jesus says, "Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be satisfied." If you hunger and thirst, that's not according to your will, is it? It's a bodily function, saying you hunger and thirst. Those who have hunger for righteousness and desire to be fed, will be. Those who have no hunger or thirst for righteousness will not be. They'll starve. Whom God foreknew these objects, and bore with them patiently.

"Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord God: and not that he should return from his ways, and live?"

Paul there is speaking of the desire for righteousness, which comes not from man's will or effort. Which you lost, that's why you deconverted. You hadn't the hunger or thirst. And I'm sorry for that, I truly am, but so many will perish for that reason. For a lack of desire for the LORD's commandments or true righteousness.

16 So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.

G2309 means that you can't be saved by an active will, but rather a passive will only. That is Grace, is to rest on God's law. To have passive hunger for righteousness, rather than feigned hunger, where you force yourself to have it, like a Pharisee. It has to be real, and genuine from the heart, not like a hypocrite who only acts.

G2309 and G5143

I love that verse. God's going to repay those who broke Israel. Part of a healthy psychology is integrating the Shadow. The Bible does that, with verses like these. You have to understand the context to that verse. Like HAMAS is putting babies in ovens right now? Like, don't they deserve to be punished? God's not a wimp. And He fights dirty if you're a person who fears Him, He'll fight on your behalf. Like I said, the innate desire in a man to Fear and Honor God, and have righteousness, that is what saves him, and God foreknows who that will be, so He seals them with Grace. And we forfeit Judgment to God. It's not saying we should dash the babies on the rocks, only that the heathen nation who comes upon Babylon and does so, will be happy. In this case Medo Persia.

Why not think that way? There is evil in the world. And it needs to be dealt with some way or another. The fact is, war is sometimes necessary, and people do have to kill children. It's a hard message, but it's the truth. Otherwise, if you let it fester, it would metastasize and make everyone suffer.