Confessions
Chapter I: Childhood
I submit this account of my life to You, in the tradition of St. Augustine. If I am ever remembered, or forgotten, seen as a great fool, or a sage, or something like a philosopher, a mean between, I will be ever grateful for one thing. The prayer of Moses, and the prayer of David. Let my work be established. And let me inquire of You in Your temple for all eternity, and dwell in Thy beautiful City Zion, and see Your beauty.
As a child, life was very peaceful. My family were stalwart Christians, and believed. There was a great peace at this time, unlike any I had ever experienced. God was part of a pantheon of magical beings and creatures, such like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Leprechauns, Cupid, and of course the Robots at the hospital had a conscience, and Alf on TV was a true alien. The Chinese Zodiac was as part of my religion, as were the echoes of Christianity.
In Church, I preferred the nursery to learning about Christ. We sang Jesus loves me, and Father Abraham. And I had truly thought that Father Abraham was about a man who had as many children as there were stars, from his wife Sarah. I knew nothing about the religion. I cared nothing for it.
I loved my mother and dad very carefully. I loved my family. And every family member's death left a huge imprint on me. I honored my family, watched 80s Television, listened to music from the span of 1950-1989. I didn't care for pop music, nor did I care for my peers' mischief or vile ways. Thus, I rubbed against them in everything.
I knew the old ways were much better. And something in my generation, which they infected me with, was new, and it was not good. This I found was the thing I wrestled with my entire life, and still do as I sit writing this book. Most people associate Christianity and Christ with prudishness, illiberal ways, and backward hatred. I associate it with love, peace, forgiveness, and mercy. As the Christians I associated with, were these things.
In Pre School, I learned the American Mythologies, and they were infused with Christianity. A very real Christianity, too. One that was gentle, trustworthy, not abusive nor offensive. It was at peace, and my world was at peace. I learned of Abraham Lincoln, and George Washington, and John Henry, and Paul Bunyan. I sung my Patriotic Hymns, which all sung about God. I sung my nursery rhymes, which all had beautiful melodies---all the music I knew had melodies. Which is why I could not understand pop music when it was introduced to me. It seemed emotive, and very base. Not the peaceful melodies I was perfectly used to as a child, which came from merry-go-rounds, marching bands, patriotic hymns, and Classic Rock: Mixolydian, Aeolian, Ionian, Dorian, Pentatonic, Blues, and Major scales.
So, thus, I had this beginning. And where I think most of my generation hates Christianity for this peace, I rather appreciated it, though at the time did not want it.
I met real Christians my whole life, and only lamented their loss when they stopped being seen. I knew the true faith by proxy, but did not want to be that. I had no knowledge of the faith that made humanity so true and real. I knew my own American Paganism, which was something novel for myself... maybe the only American Pagan in the world, or maybe one of many. Who truly believed in Santa and Easter Bunnies.
Yet, I had told my Dad I believed in Cupid, and he told me this was not our religion. That was Greek. And there I had my first true choice to make. Either the Gospel or Greek Religion. And soon Santa became a game, and the Easter Bunny also. And Tooth Fairies and Leprechauns. But, it was instilled in me that God was different. And I knew this from the peace of God, which surrounded my family, my civilization and my church. It was everywhere, present in everyone. And that I knew well, knowing it as God's providential shelter.
There was a magic in my childishness, but it all stemmed from the visible elements of love. Love from family, friends, church, the society around me. It was safe. It was real in ways that I can't even communicate to anyone today. There was a real shelter in the world, a true safety, a real love that existed everywhere. If only in my family unit, and my friends, it was there. And omnipresent in my life, and it felt good. And I associated that with Christianity.
It still confuses me what people mean by Christianity being a religion of hatred, and a religion of magic, and a religion of backwardness. It was actually Christianity that taught me there was no magic, save love. It healed me of my Pagan delusions, which were instilled in me by family and friends. And acted on, but that love was very real.
And that's the core of my Christian faith, and I'd say every Christian who holds fast to it. Is a remembrance and memorial of that love, which helps disillusion us to the weird happening around us. The stability, the kindness, the affect of peace that allows us to make sense of good and evil. That without, there can be no sense. And I'm afraid that's why so many fall off the narrow path.
For Christianity is merely Line upon Line, Here a Little There A Little. Precept upon Precept. It's not a stabilizing force. And though outside of it, I was as a child, it surrounded me like a blanket and kept me safe. Though I didn't believe in it, I knew it protected me. And that was real. And still is.
Chapter II: Bullied and Bully
Then I went to school. And associated with my peers, who were into magic of a different sort. And this I found strange. It wasn't the love I knew, and the rich and beautiful things. It was a sort of fiendishness, and nihilism. And thus, they brought me to reckon that there was evil in this world. And evil must be punished. By the sword.
Grace wasn't taught to me---though a grievous sinner already---I thought of myself as perfect. And I thought I had no need for forgiveness. Bad men must suffer. And good men must prosper. Hell was good, for bad people went there. And heaven was good, for so long as you didn't do a sin, you'd go.
And thus, my peers taught me great and evil things, and introduced me to great and evil forces. My generation were very deceptive, and were wicked. I was pure, but my heart was abused by them. At every moment, they turned and twisted my good nature. And this I fought, and still do. There was such an evil in them, that I never knew.
And so, I took out my frustration on peers. I'd chase the girls on the playground, and tackle them, and smell their body odor. And I'd be like Pan chasing Syrinx. Around and around they went, though there was no design in it. It was simply there they were, and I'd tackle them, and smell them, and enjoyed the chase. I don't know if they enjoyed it, too. But, it was friendly. I liked them, and enjoyed chasing them.
But, there encroached an adult behavior in my peers. A sort of disgust for me I never could understand. One that stirred deep within them, and tormented me. What was childish, like Pepe Le Pew chasing the Cat, to them was a grievous evil. And thus, my chasing became more aggressive. And I bullied those whom I was once pure with.
And they bullied me.
There was an Indian Boy, who the class did not like. And they twisted my mind, so I would chase him, and knock him over, and call his food disgusting. Which, the smell was not good. But, there was a hatred in me, created by these people. A twisting desire. One which I had no control over at the time---
I did nothing wrong, per say, but there was an animosity among my peers, and an influence shaping me. One which they continually vexed me with, until I was in high school. Where I was freed for but a second, and then yoked back into.
I do say, that is what I hate. And that is the religion of my peers... that frustration, hatred, ugly, nihilistic thing. The thing I rebel against. Though I turned it on my Indian brother, I should have turned it on myself, and fought the foe within. Which I do now, and is the central theme of my doppelganger.
For there is a principality and power of the air, that infects you, and makes you wrong in ways you can never know, until years later. And years later, you look back... not yet a perfect man. But striving for it. You wish to return to the peace you knew. The Christian Peace---that comfort.
And I do say that is the sum war of a Christian's life. Is fighting that, and overcoming it, and becoming a better man than you used to be. Many Christians simplify the Gospel to “I'm saved”, but they do not take Paul's warnings of warfare into account. We need swords, and helmets, and shields, and shoes, and breastplates, and belts, and we need to wrestle. Make mortal sport of our enemy, which isn't the peers teasing you. No, it's the sin within you, that turns loose on everyone else.
Chapter III: A Slow Child
I was also a slow child. Sharp as a tack. But slow to learn. Stories were my bread and butter. And because I was slow at learning details, they never moved to concepts where I would do my best work. So, the schools thought I was a problem child, and they gave me assistants to help me through classwork. To keep my behavior in check. To do work for me. I had every advantage to be lazy, therefore, did no work.
My school allowed these assistants, and allowed these aids which I didn't need. And like crutches in a healthy person, my legs atrophied. And so I still remain callow today. A man who understands many things, who simply wants my seed to grow and to harvest the fruit. But, either rainstorms wash out my fruit, or droughts, though the soil is good.
I received a basic education. Being one of the less scholarly children. I spent my time in class daydreaming, and fantasizing about worlds far away, and sex, and wars. I wanted to be somewhere else. Not there.
I was not a happy child. That was stolen from me. The idyllic youth, became a sort of dull and overbearing mischief, of bullies, and teachers who didn't care much about me. So, I wandered the halls at every moment I could find. I spent more time playing than working.
I learned that people hate me. In all their actions, in all their words. I made one or two friends, some of which were antisocial, and taught me to be delinquent too. As they were the only ones who associated with me. Thus, I began a reputation for being a bad child. A loner child. A rotten child.
And so it was, I spent the better part of my school years isolated, and picked on by my peers. To the point where I became debilitated. To the point where I can't even go to my Brother's Bachelor's Party, which is today. Not for fear of ill play, but because I cannot be in a room with a lot of people. For I know every room I walk into, hates me.
I learned enough to stay silent, not trust people, and to skate through life, living it through my rich imagination. There, I had a rich life. There I spent most of my life. And why I tried to be a writer. Which, the world stole from me, in one word, called “Woke” which I woke up, and realized it was a plot to take away the only thing I had, which was liberty and my words.
The only genuine thing I had, was this talent. Good family. True friends. A few. But, the only thing I had in life was this talent. Which, was fought for every minute with everyone. I was never going to be good at labor, or as a clerk. I rub people the wrong way. Every moment with them, I wonder when I'm going to speak to them wrong, or rub them sore. So, I've learned to avoid people.
And You, LORD, are my social net. You are my security. I speak to You, what I know to be true. I know of love because of You, and that is why I worship You. If I am a Polymath, or a Genius, it is only because You have opened my mind to wonders and truths. Not because of any special proclivity in me for academic knowledge, or some sharp skill. It was all by providence, that I moved, seeing the best and worst in people and myself.
And perhaps this helps me understand humanity better than most people. That I have tasted bitterness, I have tasted my own sin and crimes, I have also felt pleasures and have seen despair.
Loneliness is a curse upon me, for I'd love to be in communion with others. But, my personality rubs them sore. It rubs me sore, and I do not know how to be any different. Can I change? That is my religion, to change this. To become more a man, and to become a better, more caring, loving and humble man. To make myself ready for companionship, and a better man for others.
For that is Who You are, is a God of truth. And truth is, my isolation has taught me the value of companionship and is why I always wanted a spouse. And I have not been a good man, able to be a friend to many. But, those whose friendship I have won, I cherish. For as the Proverb says “Do not forsake your friend or your father's friend.”
For I am different. Smart in a way that doesn't get quantified in school, nor does well in tests. One that makes people hate me almost bitterly for no reason. In my heart, inside of me, I am like any other person, but around me is a persecutory spirit, which I hate. And that thing in the world, is why I'm a Christian, is it hated me, while You, LORD, have extended comfort to me on every side, even when I didn't know You.
Chapter IV: My First Conversion
Upon my conversion, my first conversion, was Lutheran. I was taught Jesus' life and ministry. I had not yet found myself at fault, but loved the teachings of Jesus so much. They were true, and fit into my moral upbringing. Good would be rewarded, evil will be punished. There is an immutable moral law, which Christ's Sermons surmounted. And getting to heaven, was to lay your foundation upon His moral precepts.
And I found that good news, that Jesus did indeed love me. And He was good, so I was satisfied, never having heard the other side—which made me all the more adamant about Him when I would.
And I loved my Sunday school, though still was a foolish child, and would make faces at the teacher from underneath the table, and pull at the girl's dresses, and do some mischief.
But, I learned the foundation, which was Christ.
That foundation was He was a great moral sage, unlike any other. That He had a profound respect for the poor. That He was teacher. That He was Master. That He was good, and set forth to show us how to live.
And seeing Him abused by His peers, made Him relatable to me. How those in authority made Him seem small and weak, and He was constantly under pressure from almost everyone to bend to the traditions of the world He lived in.
And You, my friend, Jesus, though I am nothing like You, I feel kinship with You. That I, for my good nature, was spurned by my classmates, but unlike You, I turned into a villain much like your Apostle Paul, whom at this time if I knew about I'd probably have not been so impressed.
In fact, I know so, as You taught me Paul in my vision, I ran with my fingers in my ear, and circled the garden, and didn't want to hear about David or Paul or Samson. I wanted the milk of the faith.
But, without that milk---since it is my favorite thing to consume---I wouldn't have healthy bones, or healthy teeth. And without Your sunshine, I wouldn't be able to grow. There is much darkness in the world, that as a child I was familiar with, but was satisfied with Your goodness.
I was vilified, but so were You. I, for my want of good things, and love and blessing, was spurned for my heartfelt desire for peace and love. And shelter and comfort. And so were You.
We had a kinship, You and I, LORD, though I am far beneath You, having sinned every day of my life in some form. Your perfection reflected what I always wanted in a hero. I watched TV, and the heroes were strong. I, like Boethius, was not strong, but rather very fallible. But, had a fruitful creativity. And though my society may be crumbling around me, so was Yours. As Tiberius was putting trees on trial, and would soon crucify God.
And therefore, I understand You. And what people say is Christianity, is not the Christianity I know, of a man being persecuted by religious hypocrites, and attracting the masses whom nobody even thought of. You spurned big and great men by letting prostitutes wash Your feet before their eyes. You showed mercy to fools, and made wise men out of the most rotten scoundrels. Why ought I not follow You? Knowing that there was good, You showed it in lively fashion, that without, I don't think any man could understand.
Chapter V: My Lutheran Church
So, my Lutheran church was a good one. We had safe people, and good Sunday School. It smelled like cedar and there was always a good feeling when you went in. There is some kind of special feeling in a church, that you only know by being in one. A certain hallowed feeling in the sanctuary. And the liturgy was beautiful.
That liturgy was the whole stay of the Lutheran Church. I still have it in my hymnal, and the melodies were comforting. And the prayers, though monotonous and long and repetitive, when read and meditated on were good prayers.
We sung three hymns a Sunday; had a long, recited prayer; had recited confession; did communion once every other service; had a short sermon; did a children's sermon; had a small choir and music director; had a robed preacher; had an acolyte light the candles and a procession into the sanctuary by the Ushers; Sunday school in the basement, tea and coffee hour; and a time of offering. We recited either the Nicene or Apostle's creed every service. And we believed in the forgiveness of sins.
There was the Warner Sallman portrait of Jesus that hung in the narthex, a Christmas tree at Christmas with Christian Ornaments in the sanctuary, a Nativity Play every year.
We believed in infant baptism. We believed in Transubstantiation. The church had a hierarchy, of Lay, Sub-deacon, Deacon, Elder, Pastor, Bishop. We had two sacraments. We believed in the Augsburg Confession.
We had Vacation Bible School. The sermons were not very good. But, the Sunday School always was. As most of the teaching was during Sunday School.
One thing about it, before it turned wicked---and that will be talked about later---was it instilled a foundation upon a rock. As my one Sunday School Teacher warned me one day, we'd have to fight for our Christianity. And sure enough, she was right, as at a distinct moment, the church was changing, and beginning to call true Christianity a cult. And what I experienced was not a cult, but rather something real, gentle and beautiful. And as I say, that is why I'm a Christian. And for no other reason. Is that it is the love of God, and only one Rabbi ever told it the right way, and then had the ability to back it up with action and not only word.
Chapter VI: Sunday School
As it is, you always need to go to Sunday School. Which, unlike most children who played Soccer on Sundays, I had Sunday School up until about the age of 14.
In Sunday School, we learned about Jesus. We pored over the stories of Abraham, Noah, Adam and Eve, Moses, Daniel. We learned these things---though much was lacking, the core foundation was there.
We went over Jesus' sermons, meticulously, learning the historical context of it. We learned the meanings behind the stories in Genesis. To take them as symbols, and meaning, and metaphors. We learned Revelation---and actually, my dad was the teacher of that book, and used a guide to help us navigate it.
We learned philosophical arguments, apologetics, and biblical hermenuetics in my later years---as I took up Sunday School when I was an adult, too. We learned about the composition of the Bible, and King James Bible. And I learned that Sunday School is where the brunt of the saving comes from.
Where I would be without the 10 or so years of Sunday School? Without knowing the historical nuances of why Jesus called his mother “Woman” or the rich historical traditions of Roman Culture? I'd probably be as lost as most of our fellows today. And unfortunately, many of those traditions are gone.
No longer is Abraham a story about faith, but it is a story about child sacrifice. It is abominable in the eyes of the modern world, but in Sunday School, you'd learn the moral of the story was to teach Abraham that Human Sacrifice was not lawful and wouldn't be demanded by God. No longer is Adam and Eve a story about coming of age, and the point where a child becomes responsible for his or her actions. It is a myth, therefore utter nonsense. No longer is Moses about God's faithful dealing with a Slave People, by utterly liberating them. It is an abomination that God would deliver the Israelites, and use any force against Egypt. No longer is the Flood about God being just in destroying what He created, when He saw they were wicked, but evidence of His crimes against humanity. No longer is Jesus the perfect Sage and Paragon of Moral Excellence, He is merely the side quest of Paul's epistles; and our burnt offering---though true, many of the nuances lay hidden. No longer is Paul the ultimate example of God's redemption and mercy, but is a person who corrupted the original messaging of Jesus' intent.
Jesus, we find, was a very compassionate man, who unlike Buddha actually lived in service to others. And was suffering, and very human. Not a false and jolly man, who selfishly meditates to assuage his own disillusionment with the world, but a man who suffers with us, and says that desire is the means by which we become better. For we desire to be better people. That is the ingredient lacking in modern Christian theology. That His law is perfect, and that the good news is that there is a meaning to life; we don't have to succumb to nihilism. We don't have to view ourselves as merely the byproduct of consequences outside of us or our internal body chemistry. That there is a good God, willing to pardon us and throw our iniquity into the sea. We don't have to succumb to the nihilism that darkens us. We, rather, can be refreshed by a hope for forgiveness, and mercy to become the people we deep down knew we always could be. That there is hope in the human experience, and that a Good God watches over us, died for our sins, and demonstrated to us what we would otherwise lack knowledge of without.
Chapter VII: My Confirmation
As it were, my confirmation came in two stages. There was first a young pastor, who believed the church was a cult, therefore, wanted to turn it into a social club. Where people came together, and taught platitudes about one world, and kumbaya. And I ran outside, and would not listen to him. I cried. For God could forgive me, couldn't He? There was a God. And He was good.
Thus, they took away this pastor, for I did not get confirmed by him. And a new pastor came, about to retire. He was only temporary. But, he taught me the faith. And I listened. We debated. But, I believed and so did he, so we took communion together, and good counsel.
He was real. And the first pastor was not. That was my desire, was to find the true faith, which became my pursuit over a lifetime was to find the real Christianity, hidden in the darkness of bad teachers and watered down theologies. I wanted the organic, and original, and authentic article. Not the thing I argued with my classmates about, which was another dead faith. For they said there was no moral decree, and we could do anything we wanted and still be saved. I wanted authentic goodness. I wanted a good God, who demanded nothing less.
I wanted my foundation on the Rock. And there it was built, and there I shall stand. And this pastor confirmed me, and on the day of my confirmation, I said none of the recited platitudes, I simply took my cross which hangs in my room, and stood next to my dad and Grandmother, and smiled. In a comical sense, I held it with my middle finger, as if to accidentally say to those who wished to steal it from me, that they were vulgar Cretans.
I was confirmed. And I found a rich faith, which I am still seeking today. The true faith.
VIII: The Dissolution of the Lutheran Church And Its Impact
About 1998, the Lutheran Church began to split, and started teaching a secular religion. One where my pastor told me, that El Yahweh-Yireh Elyon, Yeshuah Hamashiach, Lord God Most High Jehovah-Jireh, Jesus Christ, was not the first monotheistic religion, but rather Zoroastrianism was. That our Bible were Canaanite in origin. And we allowed female clergy.
So, I began to be taught about Global Warming, and Feminism, and the message of One World. I did not like this. And then the Lutherans began to have Gay Ministers.
I clung to my Bible, and defended it as best I could---poorly, though I can defend it like a champion today. This was at Church. I had to defend the Bible, and Christianity at Church. What my former pastor said he was trying to shelter me from, he actually created. A cult. Of the One World, New World, Sin being the God of the Pantheon. I related heavily to Thyatira, and would not tolerate the Woman Jezebel.
Where I should have been taught the true religion, I had to defend myself against men far more educated than I was, far more experienced in debate. I only knew it was that false spirit that persecuted me my whole life. He told me theologians said the Bible were all stories. Rightly, I have some of them on my bookshelf today, I know what they say. And I spent a lifetime refuting them, and proving to myself, at the very least, that the Bible is true.
What became of my Church, was feminism and queer theory and literary theory and the Gospel of Lies, rather than true words of the Gospel. What my Sunday School Lessons were, that built a rich foundation, were now being tested by the very church that armed me. And they armed me well.
I left, and would not go to church. And therefore, forgot everything.
IX: My Disobedience in High School
In High School, I was a very bad person. Beautiful, and having a face like an angel, but inept to use it to any social benefit. I had girls who liked me, of course. And LORD, You sheltered me, giving me the one woman who could resist the temptation to bed me. And I thank you for that.
I do not know why I felt this, but lost my faith shortly after Graduation. Which left me as a blank slate. I did not know.
I did my worst sins in this short 5 year period. For I had been isolated from my moral upbringing, that should have been taught by the church that betrayed me. And this I will say, is why I am angry at Christians for not teaching me.
I have every right to be angry at both Baptist and Lutheran, for neither having the mercy to teach me the truth about moral goodness, or the unction to have mercy for me when I failed. This is why I see religion—when I read the Bible, that is my faith—as a good tool. I do not know, LORD, why the world scorns You, when if they simply looked into Your book, and drew out the divine witness, they'd be amazed at the truths they found revealed.
I am scared for you, Christians, that you were too late, and couldn't find the truth. That your teachers forsook you, and that your beliefs were false. I spent a long time finding the true religion, and though not a moral paragon---no, this will show I was not---Who was, was our Savior, Jesus Christ.
“Why did you forsake me?” Says the LORD in this moment to you? Why did the church of all places teach His servant Brandon things, which it oughtn't? Why was it not a moral system?
Why was I so foul in these years? Though, it was the time I was most beloved in every man and woman's eyes? I was so virtuous to the outside world, and loved by all. I was beautiful. I was strong, and could lift 20 pound objects continually for eight hours straight. I could wrestle a giant and win. I could subdue a trained warrior in combat. I could hoist a 200 pound log, and carry it 300 yards. Yet, I was evil. Yet, at this time, I think I was most beloved by the world.
And the Church hadn't taught me. It left me in the dust, so I was alone in figuring out the faith for myself. I do not blame God for this, but rather man, who is the LORD's hands and feet. We are moral agents, responsible for ourselves, and are indeed our brother's keeper. As Sunday School taught me, that was the meaning of Cain and Abel. That when we stop being our brother's keeper, we become a murderer, and hate and slander him.
And thus, I was my most foul, berating good men who had good hearts, never where I was supposed to be, living in sin and anarchy. I made good men weep for my foul behavior, and turned every woman's eye. And every woman became my mate in my mind's eye. And I had released my affection for every beautiful woman, and my hand was caused to sin. I did not cut it off. No, I learned I didn't need to. For I found the religion I craved over many years. I found the God I worshiped. Though the world tried to hide Him from me, I found Him.
And frustrated by the lack of skin to satisfy my flesh, I met the one woman who could resist my beauty and my urges. And by God's grace, she became my first girlfriend. By God's grace, I remained pure and a virgin at heart.
X. My First Girlfriend
And then my first girlfriend, we did not love, but we cared deeply for each other. But I should have known, what kind of deep love would satisfy, for You showed me through Jorgia. And this peace, I knew, was good.
We had no love or affection, beyond physical touch. And only skin, that was our love. Not true love. And not even the sting of flesh, but simply young love.
I wish I could tell you what she was to me. That she was special. That I was in love. That would all be false. I loved her in a platonic sense. I chose her because it was easier than obtaining what I truly wanted. But, it was good. Because she did not love me like that, otherwise we would have been led away in passions, and we'd be broken hearted in a worse way than we were.
We parted on good terms, LORD, and how You chose this woman to keep me pure before You and undefiled. We both had self control, to say no to the cardinal sin of fornication. It was simply puppy love, and there was no great satisfaction in it.
She loved me, and I loved her. But not in great swells of emotions. It was a true kind of love, of a sister or brother. We were not related, but merely touched for comfort.
I say this, as the worst part of my life. The most sinful. No one will want to take my righteousness for theirs. No one will want to worship me, or take my word as sacred. There is nothing in me worth doing so. But, I witness in You, my LORD, something that I wish to teach. I wish to draw people to You in this one thing, which I see is frail in the world. And where did it all go?
When the world loved me, I was beautiful, I dated a mate, and we made everything but love. And in this, I was not happy. I was forgetful every moment of what happened even a day ago. And I was an atheist. And I had sinned. And then the world hated me again, after I sinned. But, truthfully, they did not hate me. No, they did not hate me, until after I became converted again. After I reignited my faith. After I came back to Your House, being a prodigal, and You came running back to me, and smiled on me, but then and only then did world then turn its back once again.
And what reignited it, will be told later. But, my girlfriend and I had no deep attraction or fondness for one another. We were merely acquaintances whose bodies were convenient.
And that was not good. I should have at least sought my desire, but we parted as friends. We did not part as enemies, though. Which was good. And I still love her to this day, as a sister. For my love for her, was deeper than it seemed. It was true love, truer than any I'd ever felt. It wasn't emotional, or filled with ecstasy. It was real love, which taught me how to love. How to be a man. But, it wasn't romantic love. It was not desire. It was a platonic form of love. It was more real in that it wasn't intense. It was simply loving her soul for no reason other than it was her.
XI: Graduation
After graduation, I began my serious studies. Becoming an atheist, I started from a blank slate. I knew nothing. But, managed to complete the square without knowing the Quadratic Equation. I managed to discover a circle's circumference related to pi, with a piece of string, ruler, and quarter. In the height of my atheism, I began to even doubt it. It made no sense to me. How was there no moral truth, when I observed it? I knew I had dishonored it, but I was never so foolish to know it were not a sin.
That question, however, became the spring board on which I tried, and failed to answer. That was the crux of my Atheism, for three months, was to prove that there was a universal truth. And there was, that I was sure. But, it could only point to a God.
So, I became a Christian again. And I studied Song of Songs, and not much else. I didn't believe in the Bible, per say. But, I did talk with a Methodist Pastor, who taught me Methodism. And first introduced me to Free Will and Determinism. I had never thought of determinism, but felt volition was self evident.
For isn't it? To anyone? That volition is self evident? It crossed my mind, maybe once, that things were predetermined, but then I saw my hand, and moved it. And found that there was choice. I had control over my thoughts. I chose my own actions, and certainly I had sinned. No better example was there, of a man who sinned and could have gotten away with it, than myself.
I knew it was all wrong. And I knew my sin was wrong. But, driven by fear and highly frustrated at this time, for my girlfriend and I were constantly at odds, and breaking up and making up---for a beauty could have been mine, but I chose my ex. For that platonic comfort, that she was my mate, and I chose her. And I would have stayed with her, had she seen me the same.
And I thought it all... I had choice, there were right and wrong, and God was the force behind it. And God must judge, of course. He must be satisfied with the blood of the wicked, and reward the righteous. As that was always my religion.
XII: My Sin
Yet, as a Christian, I sinned. And beside the thing I had done at 14, this was a thing that was truly evil. Not something that could be chalked up to childish hormones, but a man's poor decision.
My grandfather died. My ex was sorely abusive. So, I did the unthinkable, and challenged my own preconceived notions of my moral compass. I betrayed myself, and left a moral injury, like one might expect if they went to war and killed a man.
I realized, it was my desire to see the wicked punished that led me to do such a thing. And then the consequences and disappointment on everyone else's face around me, led me to truly understand the Gospel better than I ever had until that moment. For before, the idea was to destroy the wicked, and war like David. To fight Philistines, and the wicked would be punished in hell. Never did my mind accuse me in anything, for I had a valid excuse. Now I did not.
Thus, 15 years I was on some form of probation, or in prison, or had some form of punitive action. I realized I was entirely wrong about the meaning of the Gospel. It wasn't to destroy or punish those who sinned, but rather was merciful.
For I knew I sinned, but I knew it was forgivable. At least I thought. Now, I did something unforgivable in the world's eyes. And I understood it was never going to forgive me. I did something damnable. I had always been damnable, but this was the first where I understood I had done something that could not be explained. It was the first sin I committed, where I had no excuse. I was wrong.
Looking over my life, I see a lot of sins that I should have been repentant of. And so will you reading this, and so do You LORD, for that is the grace of God, is to cover the sinner. Even when their sin is exposed fully to the whole world.
It can simply be looked up, and reasoned that I was a bad man. Everyone knows it. And my conscience finally reproached me. But, in that moment, I found the fullness of the Gospel, seeing Paul, the mass murderer, there forgiven. And then conversations from my past began to make sense... but it was only half the story.
Still, there is a necessity for a man to do good. That will always be part of my religion, and is in every chapter of the Bible. But, there is an added dimension of the Law, which is mercy. And my life testifies to that fact. That being the scum the world saw me as, I can now be humble, and face it, seeing myself starkly naked. I was a lunatic. I was a sinner. I was a hardened evildoer. I was wrong. And in that, my journey truly began, and finding the faith became more clear. As the proverb goes, he who is forgiven of much, loves much. And therefore, I lost my desire to judge those who wronged me, and the true purification could begin.
Chapter XIII: My Probation
And I was with a good probation officer. Two. And I took my lumps. I found myself and held myself responsible. I knew I was wrong. And I wasn't mistreated by anyone in the justice department. That is my faith, to right the wrongdoing, and like Zachias pay back what you can. To be like the man who is a foolish servant, and get part of what the Master Owes paid back to him, in order to cancel out my own great debt.
And I did this for a reason. I followed every instruction carefully. As I would for any authority, it is the same as “Honor thy father and mother.” You honor authority, and it will honor you. You pay back your debt, though you cannot pay it all back ever, you at least will give restitution to the person whom you hurt, and they can live happier than they would, if they were not.
And I realized, being punished for every mistake is a rod of correction. And it beats the sin out of you. Detentions, three month groundings, probation, all kept me better than I were before.
And I loved hard, and kept myself pure. I took my discipline well. For I needed disciplined. It sharpened me into a wiser, humbler, more compassionate man. It left me able to see any person, no matter how decrepit, and love them. To hope for their mercy, to hope for their prosperity.
As it is, we need disciplined, and sometimes we need to have our selves knocked to the ground, by how bad we are. Not many people have this realization, of just how bad they are. They go their whole lives, as alcoholics, or sex addicts, or homosexuals, or transgenders, or just simply believing they're good people, when the evidence shows they are not. They need to be truly humbled, to understand the true Gospel. It is as much to a mad man, who murdered many, as it is to the level headed man whose only sin is his scorn for others. For the Gospel heals the mad man, and shows him the error of his ways, and restores his conscience to good health. And the simple man, it makes more compassionate toward those who fail.
For we need that sin knocked out of us, and it is self righteousness. The idea that we must destroy the wicked, or pay back the debt of others, rather than seeking to restore the debts we owe. For we cannot, and Christ paid the debt in full. And then the world points and laughs, and says, “We knew you were always wrong, and evil, and a scoundrel.”
We need the humility to truly understand ourselves. That the wrong levers can be pulled, and we can become worse people than we ever thought imaginable. But, Christ, the good news is He can restore us to a right conscience, and make us whole and right before ourselves, and unashamed. For tribulation works patience, patience experience, experience, hope, and hope makes not ashamed. For the Love of God is shed abroad in our hearts, by the Holy Spirit which is given to us.
Chapter XIV: Messianic Cult
And thus, I found the moral agency I was looking for, in a humble Messianic Jewish leader. Not a bad man. A very good man, with a righteous family. A will wisher. But, he restored me by teaching me charity.
He was a tree trimmer, and I worked for him on several occasions. And he taught me about the Law of Moses. Which, I took on as a fast for 4 years. And this fast I did astutely, except once when in Baltimore I ate calamari.
And I observed the Sabbath, and the Feast Days, and ate only what was clean. And although not perfect... I became enthralled by a different name than the one I knew, the one Barnabas approved which is Jesus. It still was a moral guidance I wanted. And what I needed.
Thus, he taught me habits about the tithe, and about being pure. And so I walked circumspectly, but as a will wisher in this time.
All things work to the good of those who believe in You, Father, and this cult was not true... and had I died at that time I am not sure if I would have been saved. But, it was moral clarity, which I had lacked for some time. And that is why I latched onto it.
For, I think Messianic Jewish cults become impressive to those who wish to be good, but know no way how. And they seem right to a man, but the end is the way of death.
Chapter XV: The Baptist Conversion
Then I became accustomed to going to a Baptist Church. And here, is where I learned my most important doctrines. The pastor was a wise man, though we were oil and vinegar, and did not really mix. I was more Michelangelo, and he more John Calvin.
And I suddenly realized, that he was teaching me the parts of the Bible I had not known. Going over the Prophets. Which, my most fluent books of the Bible are the Gospels and the Prophets. And I became advanced through his teachings. I understood Haggai, had been taught the parts of Roman Culture I did not know, like Tiberius' renovations of the Temple. I learned the grown up stuff.
I had sinned, though, and this church was wary of me for that reason. It could not trust me, therefore, I had to go elsewhere. But here I was taught the meat of the Bible. And in Sunday School, I was taught Apologetics, the history of the Bible and its construction, and many other things.
What's to know about Baptists, is that conservative churches are very good at the moral law, but will be strict toward those who fell. Liberal churches, are merciful to those who fell, but feel no need to believe in God. I wanted a medium... which became the Narrow Road I found. To walk in both perfect Mercy, Justice and Faith. To forgive the murderer, as was Paul a Murderer, but to also hold the murderer accountable when he murders. Not to forsake him, and make him sad. But, to rebuke him, and allow the consequences to strip the sin from his bosom. So he is taught not to blaspheme, as Paul had said it.
And that's an important aspect of the faith, I think, to walk in Mercy and Justice. Mercy is kindness to those undeserving, but Justice makes an end to sin. And that is my most important teaching, I think. The faith of Bunyan, the faith of Augustine, the faith of Paul. Men who know sin, receive a thorn in their flesh. Nightmares, urges of the flesh, a conscience that remembers their foul deeds. But, Mercy lets them not shrink back, and so they have hope. It allows them to be restored to good conscience, and therefore be strong for others.
As the person who feels guilty is not good for any ministry. He will shrink at every stone cast at him. Rather, he must rest, and repent, but he usually would not. He must shoe his foot, and keep his throat from thirst. He must be ready to move, but when he is restored, he is better for God's service. Which is why I needed to be shamed, and have my sin exposed to myself, to know the true religion. To walk in mercy, but also justice. To have no shame, and to have the sin pruned off of me, by persecutions, and railings, and abuses. To walk upright, and in humility, knowing our neighbor is the same as we, secretly down below. And our sin exposed, lets him see the mercy of God that we can walk tall in his company, despite being fully revealed for what we truly are.
And I think the Baptists wish to hide that sin nature, and pretend like it doesn't exist. Yet, as Christ said, all things will come to the light eventually, and there in the light, it dies when exposed, and we can live better lives and more fruitful lives. And be better able to be compassionate to whomever is suffering, whether deserving to suffer or not. For we truly understand, it was in us all along, and we always did deserve to suffer, therefore we judge no one, and receive no judgment.
XVI: Dispensationalism
Thus, I come to Papias of Hierapolis' belief of Dispensationalism. Which was scorned by Eusebius, who made many errors. I almost wish Papias' work existed, and persevered, and Eusebius was forgotten. But, the scholar won, and the one who had a child like faith did not. However, it's to be said by the counsel of Baruch from Jeremiah, not to seek great fame for his life shall be his booty. For Papias was dictated to the book of John, by the Apostle John. Which we see in surviving fragments.
Why do I believe in Dispensation? I see the word used in Paul's epistles, in no plain term, and that word means “Religious economy.” And I see fat is consumed by those in Nehemiah's day. Which was unlawful. And Paul says in Hebrews to his audience, that “With a change of priesthood, comes of necessity a change of law also.” And I mean to say, Abraham married his sister Sarah, and such would be unlawful in today's world, but as it was in the time of Adam and Eve, there were fewer people upon the earth. Therefore, the families had more robust genetics, and could interbreed. Now, they cannot. And similarly, when homosexuals are allowed to marry, it takes critical genes from the gene pool, as it takes the better natured people who should breed, and makes them turn gay, and therefore, they do not pass on their genes. Instead, they become hardened by their sin, and their faces become changed.
But, why do I believe Dispensation? Again, I've detailed 10 dispensations, and have read Isaiah and Ezekiel, and Revelation, and see plainly an earthly kingdom where Christ will reign, and as it says, the only law in that time, will be to visit the Temple in Jerusalem during Tabernacles, and have a festival. Like a fair now, it will be remarkable. And also that the one of a hundred years old, should they die, will have been considered a sinner. And God will only use the rain to shepherd his people. There will be no sword, for they will be beaten into ploughshares, not before the ploughshares are beaten into swords, to repel the forces of Satan in those end times.
But, there are ten dispensations that I've seen, and counted, and Ten is a number of completion. 1. There is the time before the Flood. 2. There is the time of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. 3. There is the time of Moses, and the Exodus of the Jews. 4. There is the time of the Kings and Judges. 5. There is the time of the captivity and exile to Babylon. 6. There is the time of the restoration of the Temple, and the second Temple. 7. There is the time of the Gospel, which began with Christ, and of the order of Melchizedek He became our priesthood. 8. And then there's the tribulation. 9. And then there's the millennial Kingdom. 10. And then there is the New Heavens and New Earth. A very mechanical system, each economy has a different law, and a different way in which man and God commune. And each economy, a new scripture is added, which in the time of the tribulation, it shall be the Seven Peals of Thunder, which will appear in scripture without the aid of man.
But, why do I believe in these? Because it is what the Bible says. And I take the Bible seriously, as a part of my religion. I do not spare a word, but weigh it against all the rest. And I am satisfied, by both outside evidence, and the moral consistency, and the apparent nature of God's Flesh being crucified in His Son Jesus Christ, and His resurrection, that we are without excuse and have a good God and good moral Lawgiver, who reveals Himself to mankind in stages, each stage becoming clearer and clearer, until in the Millennial Kingdom, He shall reign in the flesh, being descended from heaven after being born of the Daughter of Zion, a grievous sinner like all mankind. And Christ shall save her, as well as us, who are sinners.
For the Gospel is a Sabbath, of the Seventh Dispensation. We do not work, we do not war... and in the tribulation, we shall not war for the sword shall lead to the sword, and captivity to captivity, therefore, we die and our blood is shed as a witness. And then we will be resurrected into the Millennial Kingdom. As the Bible says.
And LORD, why do these things occur? Why do You, in Your glory, change the customs of a land, but Your moral law stays consistent? Slavery dissipates by machine tools and paper money, and genes become more fragile. So, therefore, you are a very material God, coming in the Flesh of Your Son Jesus Christ.
XVII: The Non Denominational
Thus, I came to a Non Denominational church, which was primarily filled with people of color. And this was good, I think, because it showed me that churches are the same everywhere. With the same politics, the same theologies, the same sermons. Different music, but the people are generally the same.
And I realized we were one body under one LORD. The Christian God, is a God of the Black American, as well as the Hispanic, as well as the East Asian, as well as the Arab and Persian and Caucasian. We all bear together in one body, with similar problems, similar sins, similar theologies.
I exalted the lead pastor, who was a great preacher. And his staff were very good too, being good teachers of the truth. There was a certain animosity in that church, as I've found in every church, and every room I've been in, an animosity toward me. But that is the world, for it hates me. Every room I enter, there are enemies, and they pursue me, and torment me with many cruel supernatural taunts.
But, this was a safe church, and like any other church I've ever been to. A little more normal and a little more solid than many others. It was just a church. And I found the body of Christ were very similar in every church I'd ever been to.
XVIII: Pentecostal Bethel
And thus, I went to Bethel. Being warned about doing so, by the Baptist church. But, I went, and here my delusions were reborn. I had encountered such magical thinking at a Youth Camp, and here it was on full display.
To say I despise Worship Music, I do for it has such a repetition, and emotive quality, and lack of melody, and lack of lyrical depth... it is for all intents and purposes brainwashing. And it leaves one with a very hollow feeling, that is like a drug. And this is called “The Spirit” at these churches, and I'm a little leery of saying that, because it seems more like drunkenness, and witchcraft than it does “The Spirit”.
As the Spirit should make you sober, not become like a white witch, doing enneagrams, and making potions with water, and burning incense, and though the worship was pure... they taught psychology from the pulpit. I'd sit and be still, and meditate in prayer, which now I do in silence and get the same benefit.
Going there, I started believing in magical things, and miracles---which I still believe the Spirit is active, I am not a secessionist---but the manner in which this happened, was more like cardboard, as opposed to flesh and blood. It wasn't real. To me at least, it made me very delusional, and I found the congregation were more like a congregation of White Witches, than they were actual Christians. As is true with New Apostolic Reformation teachings, it's more a soft paganism, than it is Christianity.
And at the last, as I was there they kicked a homeless man off their stoop for asking for money. Which a church should give money to the poor, especially one as rich as that. Or even a cup of coffee which they could certainly afford.
And thus, I see the religion becoming stingy toward the poor, and blaming people for their suffering, and this church taught the gospel of “Well-being” and “Prosperity” and “Wealth.” It taught more mental health, than it did the Bible. Where my Baptist church had great teaching, but lacked mercy, this church lacked teaching, and was impersonal, where one could be a fly on the wall, and come and go, and receive magical feelings, and believe in magic tricks where people would tuck their feet beneath them and reveal them, to then claim to be healed.
Also, one preacher tried to knock me over, by pushing a pressure point in my back which I knew from my brother, who is a Martial Artist, so I knew they were calling that “The Holy Spirit” and I knew that was not the Holy Spirit. I knew that was some form of religious manipulation, and it left me with severe delusions for a long time.
XIX: My Confession of Sin
Then, I went to the police, and confessed my sin. LORD, do not make this a mistake. Should I have gone to the Catholic Priest, and confessed, perhaps. But, instead I went to the police. Thinking to fulfill an oath I made---can you not even forgive an oath? Is there anything which you cannot forgive? The law being punctured into your Flesh?
This was not a mistake, per say, but it left me crippled more than I already was. And I confessed, and had the most insidious criminal charges brought against me.
And I realized, that this was part of my journey. That the crime I had pacified, was now one that was made manifest to everyone. And LORD, I know not what to do about it now, or if people will even forgive me. But, the depth of my sin is in the light. Therefore, the Light is an antiseptic, and sin can be killed.
And thus, the air and principality wishes to destroy me with it, but I can boldly preach Your gospel, knowing I have paid the small debt I owed to these girls. And that was a sin at 14, as all will know. And this debt was paid, and I have suffered many years of solitude due to this. I am not ashamed, but every room I enter into, now has a severe hatred toward me. My nerves show me, and my senses, that I am a shame to these people.
Ought I have hidden it? Well, then I would be crazy with the guilt, and be worse off, I think. At least now, I don't have to pretend, or keep a huge secret. I have no secrets of which to keep, and my life is bare to those who see me. Many wish to see if I'm good, or evil... I'd say neither good nor evil, nor wise nor foolish. Somewhere a mean... and I pursue the true faith.
Would I counsel another to do the same? No... for I think now that I have matured, I see that God forgives such things, and often we forget about them and never make account of it again. However, I could not do this. It was ever present on my thoughts, and I needed to make an end of it. And so the shame and humility I have, far outweighs the moral panic of being caught. For I know it'd be on my mind for many years.
Now, however, I think about when they are going to bring me back into account for this crime, which I cannot pay back a debt double for. For the world has changed, and very much, we have abandoned liberty for the sake of “karma” and punishment, which is not the Gospel, and is not American either. We ought not use cruel and unusual punishments, nor bring a man to bear for crimes over and over again. As that's specifically against the law. And it is a good law, though I did not understand it as a youth.
I needed to reckon, I think, that I was not perfect. As a youth, I found no fault in me, and was self righteous, and wanted to bring account to the world, and bear a sword against it. Now, I see the sword hangs over my neck, like Damocles, and I realize that grace is to the righteous, and the wicked... for without it we'd have no sense and would only be wont to do evil.
Therefore, my heart would not condemn me in anything should I be brought back under chains, I'd see it merely as proof of the Gospel in me, and a righteous man being taken into account. For it could only be my testimony of the Gospel that led to such false imprisonment, for my debts are paid back in full to those I have injured. And that is why, I do believe, I needed to confess, was so this would be apparent should such a change take place, if it ever would. Also, to protect me against such accusations, as certainly if I knew I had done wrong, it would be open and not a secret.
XX: Awaiting my Trial
There was a solace at this time period, where I was truly righteous. More righteous than any, and feeling such exalted feelings. A certain peace, I have not attained yet again. And perhaps my most robust faith were at this time.
I finished a few books, LORD, which You have given me. And I felt a peace of wonders, that everything could go any direction. I felt hope at this time, that the world would forgive me, and I could live the life I dreamt of. Unaware that the world is very unforgiving toward me, and always has been, as I documented in this book.
Every sin I've paid a debt for, be it dropping a pencil in science class, stealing a hoodie from Lost and Found, getting an F in English, or doing a sin that required Law and Order.
I do not know if that's the Gospel, that we must, but I did. And I think at this time, I was very at peace with the whole ordeal. Praying for a safe way to serve my sentence, that didn't get me raped or mistreated. Which I obtained.
God was working wonders at this time. But, I feel I had failed Him, in becoming jaded and superficial. I feel somewhat that I am a lost individual now, more than I ever were. Though my faith is more robust, and at every moment I pray to You, and hope in Your word, searching for the true faith. Though I've failed, and my sin is between you and me. No one else, have I sinned against, beside You my LORD.
And for that, I need to obtain mercy. For at this time, I rightfully knew there was good on the horizon, but there truly wasn't, and at the point I am writing this, my heart is failing like it said in Psalm 18, and I am sad and smitten. As it said, we waited carefully for good from You, but only evil came.
For that, I follow your law, and extol it. I only desire mercy, for I am but flesh. Lead me to the valley, and let me rest. For at this time, I was truly in my glory, and now I am truly in my perplexity, for long-suffering, and awaiting and nothing comes. Simply waiting, and many years pass, and the situation slightly depreciates. And I am not fearful, but rather perplexed.
I dream evil dreams, and I see evil things in my visions. I do abominable things in my dreams, like Augustine or Bunyan, and perhaps Paul... I know not why or how, only that it is an oppression, a thorn in the flesh, but here at least, in this time, I was at rest.
And I do not know, LORD, what I say or do, only that I seek the true faith. And hope to win the race, and accomplish my dream. Which is to be grafted into the Vine, and enabled by Your Hope and Love, to endure hard trials, and to long-suffer, and love my brother as well as my enemy. And everyone else in-between. Through your Power. Amen.
XXI: The Time I Spent In Jail
Here, I ministered to only a few. I spent the time listening to sermons, and reading War and Peace and To Kill a Mockingbird. I kept my shoes shod, and drank water. I read the Bible much also.
To say I was mistreated, I was not. It was simply a time of isolation, and a time of great distress. I spent every day, praying 5 hours, praying for a life in theory, which I had lost. As is said, blessed be he who loses his life for the kingdom's sake.
I saw only my dad and mom, and nobody loved me in there. As is the worst part of prison, is that there is no love. Everyone hates you, for it is an environment characterized by hate.
And then you visit your family through a window, and on a stinking phone.
It was what I needed. No mistreatment, for I was on a protective custody arrangement, like I prayed to the LORD before hand. I wept twice, when I dreamt my dog had died, and his carcass was beside my grandparent's pool. I wept. Something good in me was gone, but soon after, Chantz my Lab came to visit me in another dream. That is all I'd like to say about this.
XXII: Jay Vernon McGee and the Chaplain
Thus, while in prison, I listened to Jay Vernon McGee. And I realized I had the same interpretation as him reading Jeremiah. As I also have the same interpretation as Matthew Henry. Thus, it must be the interpretation, for three witnesses to find it.
And a Chaplain in there, taught me from Galatians and Colossians, finally putting my Messianic Jewish beliefs to rest.
For, clearly, in Paul, it says that the Old Law is a shadow. That it is crucified into Christ. That it is abolished. That we are to not sew new patches onto old garments, nor pour new wine into old bottles. That Christ healed on the Sabbath. That the Disciples plucked the grain. That what goes into the stomach, gets purged by the drought, and does not cause sin. But, rather what comes out of us, evil thoughts, deeds and speech, that is what defiles. And why was I in jail? Because I had defiled myself.
Also, Jay Vernon McGee completed what my Baptist Pastor had sowed. Two witnesses, I learned the lesson of the Prophets, and became an expert at that point. I studied sermons, listening to dozens a day, I read the Bible, read War and Peace, read To Kill a Mockingbird. Read Heinlein's words on a professional witness.
That is the dark part of the faith, which I thought I had to walk according to the prophecies. But, now, I see the captivity talked about in the Prophets as a sort of Purgatory, which we enter due to sin, and thus await the LORD to restore us to Jerusalem. And await I do.
I do not have to walk according to the Prophecies, but rather Christ walked according to them. I merely rest in His Sabbath, and see I am under siege by Babylon, and as I was awaiting trial, I read my Bible carefully, and saw I must submit to Babylon. I must let them yoke me to my bondage, instead of fight. I must not trust in the many chariots of Pharaoh. I must allow my enemies to walk over my back. Thus, I did. And went into captivity, where I remain right now.
And why is there captivity? To prune from us the dead branches, and the evil works of unrighteousness, and the fruits of doubt. So the LORD can deliver us from the furnace, and the lion's den. And we increase in faith, knowing that when we call upon His name, we shall not be abandoned. For in the Prophets, it says all who call upon His name in that day will be saved, good or bad.
And thus, I didn't have to follow washing, or laws about food and drink, or laws about sabbaths and feast days. I rather could live free, and love my neighbor and my God, as that was the yoke that was light. A light yoke. And when captivity is restored, it shall not come again. I shall be in my eternal abode, in paradise, with Jerusalem as my Hephzibah. His Delight is in Her.
XXIII: Sex Offender Probation
Thus, the hardest part was not seeing family or friends while on this probation, for there were children there. And the Sex Offender Probation. Here was one of the hardest parts of my life. I could not even deign to look at a child. I had to ask permission to leave the county. I could not go to a State Park or a Church. I had a counselor who abused me and terrorized me, that I was forced to go see.
Were these equal? No, but I suffered more for my Christian Faith, I think. For I'd have more mercy without it. Would such punishment be made for someone who had a conscience, if they did not believe? I do not know. For I was punished severely for this sin of youth, and like Job, in bondage and tormented by all my counsel.
I followed every command, and listened to every decree. I violated my probation naught. I followed my Sex Offender registry, which had to be four times a year, quarterly, and expected to be on that my entire life. However, an act of providence loosened that bond, and now I am freed from all my punishment. Save, the fact that I am still in isolation, and feel like a sinner... I can walk proudly in a room, and feel accomplished. For having written of the LORD so well, like Aquinas. But, I say, like my prayer of Moses, let my work be established, and like David, let me inquire in His temple for all eternity, and see the beauty of the LORD. But I am still aware of the hatred in every room, as I was always painfully aware. For nothing has changed, truly. Only I am waxing old, and am getting weak. And like David, my heart is troubled and sore within me, for waiting on the LORD. And at once, will I inherit wind? Yea or nay, the LORD is Good.
XXIV: My Appreciation for Catholicism
I had hated Catholicism from my messianic Jewish days, and perhaps my baptist influences. Yet, the church treated me so kindly all my years. I had evangelists explain to me the Mary Dogma and the Saints, and found them palpable. Her name was Elizabeth.
And my heart changed toward Catholicism, and I feel it is more right than many Protestant sects. It has been stalwart as a protection against me, listened to my insane babble, and has been a protector. And I realized that the Church Government has something wise about it, that Protestants lack. A certain accountability to a hierarchy, that makes it strong in these last days, and Protestantism weak.
I am still a Protestant, but am ecumenical with the Catholics, Orthodox and Protestants. I read the Martyr's, the Saint's are interesting to me and part of my faith, too, and so are the Catholic traditions of the Apostolic Fathers, and the Liturgies.
It is perhaps the strongest testament to the Catholics, that they retain the ancient faith, when before they were the persecutors of it, now they are the defenders of it. Where things go in full circle, the LORD uses His church, to rebuff against itself, and therefore make it more vital.
There are many dimensions to the Gospels, and rather than squibbles about Communion or Baptism or how many sacraments there are, I see a Holy Apostolic and Catholic Church, which became my fixation. How Saints in Catholicism encountered the divine, as well as saints in Protestant Martyrs. There is a kinship, Catholics and Protestant Saints have been killed by a false church, and many times, which exists in both hierarchies.
And therefore, I realized the true faith is ecumenical, and there is false and true Christianity. Christendom is the False Christianity, trying to gain worldly power and corrupt governments, and bring back illiberal times. Or it has Sin as its head of the Pantheon. And true Christianity teaches the Bible, in both Catholicism and Baptist theology, it is a secret, and the LORD reveals it to you if you are pleasing Him.
Therefore, we seek the LORD and find the true faith through providential guidance. And we are at odds with the World, and are attacked by false brethren in all parts of the church. But, there is a common faith, unique to all sects, which the faithful find, and they seek it. And it is neither Catholic nor Baptist, it is neither Protestant nor Orthodox. It is a universal faith, which one discovers through a diligent search.
XXV: Geometry and Math
Thus, I found Geometry and Math. And discovered the foundations of our creation. How order lies beneath everything, and there is truth. Like Moral Truths, there is a law according to physical truths. And their self evidence, is what leads us to understand that You are the LORD, for Your law is as self evident, as a geometer's observations when trained, will understand a principle.
That is how real You are. There is a Prisca Theologica, common among all religions. And You LORD, spoke all of it without the chaff. As real as the geometer's laws are, so are Your laws of conscience. And even at the end, You do not make an end to other faiths, but rule over them.
How good You are, to ally Yourself with those who tell truth, and are good? You have provision, I think, to save them, as the gentiles flock to Israel. How if one judges, and keeps true to the moral precepts, which either Islam, or Buddhism, or Hinduism find, they may have a chance yet to be saved, I don't know. If they are not against Your church. For as You said, “Those who are not against us, are for us.”
Christians do not understand this, but the Catholics do, and is why I think they are supremely chief at this time, but Protestants understood it perfectly in times past. And that is the true religion. For righteousness creates peace, no matter what religion you adhere to, and You are the LORD and good Lawgiver, and Your law is Pure.
And like Geometry, Your Law is self evident to those whose mind has the breadth to understand how the lines and planes and points interact with one another. And not all men do, which is why mankind requires a teacher, which is You LORD, Jesus Christ. We need You to understand even the hair's breadth of right and wrong, for like Euclid, You put it all in order for us to understand, and see the shapes and how they form.
And we are not smart enough sometimes, therefore we trust on You, for more advanced minds than ours have understood it. Yet, we pursue it.
XXVI: Study of Ancient Near East History
LORD, had I not had History 101, and learned about Mesopotamia, I'd have never been started here. I searched for You, and the unbelievable lies that Atheists were telling. That there was no evidence. And beginning, I had thought this true, You can attest it was said to other Christians by me.
I truly believed there was no evidence. And I was satisfied by faith, that You were King. But, an itch came upon me, and so I began looking. And lo and behold, there was so much evidence in history. Let me account the story.
There were a people delivered from the Flood, which would have happened in the 24th Century BC. And this people, had progeny, and developed kingdoms. Among them were the Hittites and Amorites. And the Amorites were of Abraham, and the Elamites were their foe, and Abraham fought them at the battle of Sidim, under the reign of Emperor Sulgi. And they expelled the Elamites.
Then, Abraham had sired Isaac, and Isaac Jacob, and Jacob gathered to himself Hittite wives. As it is said, “Your father was an Amorite, and your mother a Hittite.” And this truth was passed down by them, worshiping You by the name of El. And then Jacob sired Joseph, and Joseph went to Egypt, where he transmigrated Yahweh worship. As is attested at the Temple of Soleb. And this people were made slaves, and crossed Ra's Gharib, and left Semitic Letters in the desert of Sinai, which also appeared in Egyptian caves. And this people migrated into Canaan, and fought them, accompanied by storms, locusts, disease, earthquakes, and tsunamis, which led to the 12th Century collapse. And then Israel was established, worshiping El Yahweh-Yireh Elyon, and they took Mesopotamian Laws, and You gave them the Ten Commandments, and developed a law which separated them, and made them Your people. And thus they lived for nearly a thousand years, until they sinned, and Babylon took them into captivity. And thus, for seventy years, they wept, and were restored by Cyrus' decree back to Israel, where they made a second temple under Haggai, which was then renovated by Tiberius, and then later sacked by Titus and destroyed to the foundations.
And thus, I learned this, Alexander had restored them their sovereignty, and destroyed Tyre and took Egypt for no cost, and laid Tyre to its foundations bare. And I learned the Greeks were Israel's enemies, being derivative of the pantheon of Sin and Baal-El.
Thus, I learned Ancient Near East history, and found the Bible was true. A true people, came from Mesopotamia, into Egypt, and the seven year famine of Egypt led them there---as every millennium there is a seven year famine in Egypt---and then this people were led across the Red Sea by Moses, whose name is written on a receipt for a Turquoise mine in Egypt.
It was all true. Thus, I was satisfied, this religion was real. The stories of the Amorites, passed down into Egypt and worshiping El Yahweh-Yireh Elyon, Who gave a good law, and revealed Himself only to Abraham and the Hebrews, where they made a covenant in Horeb, and then lived by that covenant until they broke it. In 1300BC, they settled into Canaan, and conquered it, and in 70AD, they were expelled, and the New Covenant was under the priesthood of Melchizedek and not Levi.
XXVII: Studying Church Tradition
Then I had studied the traditions of the church. Finding the lives of the apostles, the testimonies of the Early Church. Confirming to myself that the Gospels were witness, through Papias' testimony. Corroborating that with outside evidence, specifically gospels in India of Aramaic quality found by the Portuguese and second century church, and a lack of punctuation in Matthew's gospel.
Thus, if Jesus were witnessed to fulfill 400 Messianic Prophecies, which I had seen in plain language predicted Him, how could He not be the Messiah?
And His twelve apostles, and the seventy, and Mary and Lazarus, and Martha, and their converts, and the 500 witnesses of His resurrection, spread the religion, forming one church which withstood the ages. Was persecuted by both Christian and Pagan, Jew and Greek, Heathen and Apostate, and this church endured for 2000 years, until this day.
That the churches in Syria, and Ethiopia, and India, and Persia, and Egypt, and Turkey attest to this ancient tradition, that it still exists today. Showing these apostles did travel sometimes 20,000 miles over a lifetime, to spread the good news.
What is that good news? That life has a meaning. That we have a good God, willing to pardon us. That there is good, and yes there is evil. That there will be final judgment for all evil, and reward and punishment for good and bad behavior. That truth, beauty, and good is real, and the Platonic school was true.
That Jesus was the ultimate philosopher, proving the good through His flesh, and then giving us that good, so we could be resurrected, as is the confirmed tradition from Paul and Barnabas, and the Martyrs of the 17th Century, and is attested still today.
XXVIII: Dogmas and Systematic Theologies
Thus I pored over systematic theology, sermons, hymnals, liturgies, dogma, apologists, theologians, commentaries. And I found a fruitful faith, the faith I was looking for all along.
It has only been hidden, the evidence and true faith. And I adjure all to seek it with me.
For what is the true faith? You see it in the saints, the preachers, the hymns, the melodies, the liturgies, the theologies... you begin to see how they are different, but what unites us is a common bond. The creeds that we study, such as the Athenasian, Apostle's and Nicene.
That was the religion I was searching for, and hidden from me by even the church. And I adjure you, it still exists to be snatched from Satan's jowls, that roaring lion. He wishes to hide it, but you must chase after it like a Maasi warrior, and challenge the Lion in mortal combat. You must fight him for it. For he will not relinquish it easily, and you must not despair.
XXIX: The Theodicy and War
Thus where I am in my journey today, is looking at the theodicy and war.
Suffering is man made. Even natural disasters pale in comparison to the calamity caused by humans. And humans have agency to do good or evil. They have tongues to bless, hands to feed, feet to move to where the body is needed.
We have agency through Christ's blood, and it is God's decree that we do good. Thus, when a society is doing evil, and its children prefer pain to pleasure, what can be done? That is why there's war.
I see no other thing, than to come back to the first meditations, that the sinner must be killed. But the Christian relinquishes this judgment, and gives it to God, so like in the flood, He uses His own agency to bring about change and destroy the wicked.
For war is the business of Kings, and Kings are of the world. We are not kings, in the worldly sense, that we do not bother with war. We can be soldiers, we can be governors, but a Christian's true duty is to himself and his peers, to first be a blessing, and therefore shelter others from despair, and to make them feel more pleasure than pain. And to make them feel the love I felt as a child, as Christ was active in the people I knew, and that was where the comfort came from. And that is why there is war, is sometimes people cannot have peace, so God moves nations to combat and where the people are good, they set in place good governments. And where they are evil, they set in place evil governments. And under good governments, people have pleasure, and trade, and property. And under bad governments, people have suffering, and lack, and share all things in common.
For in human conscience, we desire property, therefore, theft is unlawful. We desire love, therefore adultery too. We desire safety, therefore murder is unlawful. And we desire rest, therefore the Sabbath is given. Our parents are good teachers, and shelter us, and we must honor them even if unworthy, for that honor will turn to our good. Our God is the only wise God, therefore we believe in Him, for He died to save us and no other god could or would, for they do not live like our God does. We do not hope in what cannot save us, therefore we do not have idols. We do not lie about others to gain advantage or to destroy, for we ourselves want our consciences clean, and not scarred by false accusations, which can haunt us our entire lives. And we do not covet, for what is ours is ours, and what belongs to others is theirs. And this is the order of things. For if we covet what belongs to others, we join our fields, and push all outside, and therefore they die, and we are left alone. And because our God is good, we do not take His name in deceit upon our lips to prosper, nor do we speak His name in anger, for He is good, and a shelter to us.
And where there is no law, nations fight, and the law abiding kill the unlawful. And this cycle is the war that happens all throughout history, the wicked grow in numbers, the righteous fight them or die. Therefore, if the wicked gain control, the righteous are dead, what do they care? And if the righteous gain control, the wicked are dead, and therefore all are happy in the graces of safety and prosperity.
XXX: My Final Word
All is vanity and chasing after wind. I am not a prophet. I am not a saint. I am not a sacred writer. I am simply a man. And I have tested all wisdom under the sun. I have found one thing worthy of life, and that is to eat from the labor you produce, and to love those God has given you to share life with.
Solomon had not this last piece of wisdom, but perhaps he did. It is where I admonish him, we must live life with others. Not forsake our friends, and to be honest to our wives and children, and our parents and loved ones.
But, I have seen the most callous part of the world, is the woman who does not love her family and seeks the world's gain. It is a snare to find her, and make her your wife. For she will destroy you.
Yet, marriage is the happiest part of life, and can make a happy man have a double portion of joy.
Yet, because there is evil, and not very many will have the pleasures of this life, we are to ask to be grafted into the vine and empowered by the Spirit to be righteous.
For the LORD Jesus is the Root-stock, and we are the Scions. And if grafted into the vine, the LORD will fill us. And that is the religion I confess.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Insta Poetry II
I
atticus and lovelace what shall i do
but bleed words
II
great poets die this century
great artists too
there is one world
not two
III
man searches for echoes of himself
in the mirror of words
never searching for an authors soul
IV
they say woman or man use both
but man is man
and woman is woman
V
we do not know much right now
other than what we feel inside
therefore no one really knows whats on the outside
and thats the tragic thing lately
VI
we like to assume that life is merely internal
and forget the vast world outside of us
like a poet once said
there was otherness in the moraine
and it could not be removed
VII
i talked to a woman
and found her untrustworthy
i talked to a man and found him the same
i sit in a room and feel the hatred
alone i sit sheltered by my thoughts
VIII
politics that transcends ourselves
is truly artistic
but speaking our brand is only propaganda
and everything is a brand
that is why ai makes better art now
no one truly cares about the artist
only their reflection into the void of words and images
IX
later i will make one remark
then two
it doesnt get listened to
X
they see me like a child
and so i never fully grow
and then when i am grown
they say how like a child i am
yet we grow with other people
and where you are isolated you cannot
XI
isolation makes callow
for we must live in contact with peers
we must move with them
but when they cant be trusted to move
we must be like a child
and meekly go where our hands are held
XII
there is a reason christ said
blessed are the meek
for fortune bestows its graces carelessly
XIII
they say show do not tell
the lesson is just a cruel
that is what t____ said
she was also very stupid
XIV
morality is true
love is real
faith is valid
for without faith
morality is false
love is hormones
and faith is null
XV
i wonder why people love cruelty
and love to see the pain of others
humor me the three stooges we know were fools on screen
but the people would poke their eyes in real life
why are humans like this
XVI
there is pleasure in anothers suffering
it goes named among the germans
who have the highest sociopath population in the world
XVII
mr magoo is funny on screen
but in real life is a tragedy
thus art is a medium not necessarily reality
XVIII
why do we want art to be true
when it reflects truth
for when it is true it reflects none
but the carelessness of our world
XIX
movements of physics and chemistry
are the sole operation of this world
and a miracle is when god intervenes
XX
i find true love is a miracle
transcending what is merely chemical
that power is what i believe in
for i have seen it many times
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
I Am Postmodern
I undress, and my legs are hairy.
My vagina is unkempt.
It is a wild boar, and I am a better poet than Brandon.
I don't shave my armpits, because I am deep
And I have made all form abhorrent.
Look at Ozymandias, and let him die.
His empire is in ruins, when it never was.
I laugh at him, and with me Nero fiddles.
Parables
I
There was once a great and powerful Negus, who ruled over the entire world. He spied his kingdom, and came upon a Caucasian man, one day. So, pretending to be among the poor of the kingdom, the Negus invited the Caucasian to eat fruit, so the Caucasian did. And the Negus, feigning to be a friend, but truly hated the Caucasians, for they were inferior he thought, offered him an apple. So, the Caucasian cheerfully took the apple, being a cheerful fella, and knowing a thousand things, ate the apple from the bottom, with the entire core. The Negus curled his lips, and his brow scrunched, and he became furious. But would not show it. So, he left, and soon, decreed in his kingdom that an apple must be eaten from the sides, and no other law could do. For, his cohorts ran rampant, and rummaged the streets, and broke the houses, and set fire to the barns and wagons. They hunted the Caucasians, for theirs was the former empire. And they hunted, and then the Negus found the man whom he saw at first, and took him before his throne, with his royal scepter. And he said, "Take this apple, and if you eat it from the bottom, I shall kill you." The Caucasian shrugged, and said, "You do with power what we did, and worse." So he took the apple, and ate it from the bottom. He was put on the rack, and tortured for three weeks. And he died. But, he laughed while he died, saying "So it will be with you, with the Negus as emperor, for no law save one is his, and that is to eat an apple from the side." And the Caucasian spat.
II
There was also once a great and powerful Negus. He, however, ruled benevolently over his realm. He was good hearted, and loved peace within his borders. Yet, Prussians lay on his frontiers, and their panopolies glittered as they amassed on the borders. The Prussians would be like raping huns, and destroy the peace the Negus had secured, through his grace and tact. Thus, he sent his warriors, and they fought. And the Prussians were defeated. Yet, there was one, who was notorious for doing many crimes in the villages. And causing terror all the places he went. He amassed a fortune of gold, and was riotous, and led all the people in revolt against the kingdom. So, the Negus had him arrested, and said, "My brother, there was peace within our borders, until you made lawlessness. Why would you do such a thing?" The Hun said, "You are beneath me. I will destroy all the peace you share, and convince your people to do the same, and lead them in many revolts." Thus, the Negus sighed. "I have authority to kill, and put into chains. I rule my kingdom well. And you disturbed its peace. If you were one of my own, I would do the same to you. There is no us or them, there is only justice." Thus, the Negus hung the man upon a tree, and the vultures ate out his eyes, and he slipped through the noose, and burst into a bloody mess at the root of the cypress where he was hung.
III
There was an señora of a small town, who came upon a clerk. The clerk had shamed himself and his family name, and thus a shadow was cast upon he and his parents. The señora was mad, for she was whom he affronted. He had stolen her golden septum ring, however was not mad about that, until he wished to pay her back for the stolen ring. And thus, great calamity struck, that her señor, who had many hidalgos in his ranks, and was friends with an infantes family, was enraged that his wife had lost her septum ring to such a man of small rank. Thus, he martialed his hidalgos, and got permission from the infantes, to wage war upon the clerk and his family. Yet, the clerk had ties to a grand burgher who had the ear of the hochadels, and thus, there was a great calamity, for the clerk was the grand burgher's friend. Thus, Spain and Germany were at odds over the golden ring. And their forces martialed upon the borders, and the Teutonic orders and Hidalgos were of great might, and smote one another in the fields. Their blood poured from the joints, and their javelins pierced armor, and their maces shattered shields. Then, the Kaiser got wind of the great war, but had lost much wine for his vats. So, he sought the trouble, and it were merely over a ring of gold in a señora's snout. Thus, the Kaiser put an end to the foolish fighting. And came, made league with the Prince of Spain, to end the war. For it were a foolish thing, to war over a clerk's foolishness. The clerk was brought up on charges, and brought before the Prince, and it was asked of him, "My friend, you acting so foolishly, you nearly started a great war. Why did you do it?" The clerk sighed, "My lord, I had apologized to the señora, and her husband took offense. I merely wanted to give a small restitution for the crime." The Prince was furious, "For a man's restitution for this slut's ring, there was this great war between two kingdoms!" And thus, the Prince was wroth at the señor, for much mischief abounded. Not the señora, though. For she he simply saw the clerk paid his debt to double.
IV
There was a Wizard of the forest, who cast enchantments upon those who entered. And there came upon a golden haired Lady, who was virginal and pure. Thus, he cast his spell to trap her in the forest. This Wizard was also a great Prince. The woman did not love him, however, but she sired a son with brown eyes and raven black hair. As it would turn out, this Prince was heir to the throne, which his mother the Queen kept. There was a Burgher family in another land, which the Prince was fascinated with, which he viewed with his third eye, for their likeness in appearance. And thus, he spun foul magic. The Prince sired his son, and saw the clerk was like that of a great sage, so thus wished to replace the clerk with his son, and thus control the world with his sharp influence. His son was a fool, however, and a great mischief maker, and could not pass off as the clerk. Thus, the sheriffs of the land were greatly appalled, at how this imposter could write so beautifully, but be a total fool. They could not know why or how it was written, for he was no genius. Yet,the King now kept it a secret. But, his Queen stole away with the Little Prince, and went on a journey, for they did not love their King. And thus, the sheriffs were mad, and the Little Prince wanted to steal the life of the clerk, who at this point was a journeyman of three trades, yet lived with his sire comfortably. So, the Little Prince took baneberry, and laced the prized milk from the clerk's best dam, pulled every evening, which he drank two quarts of every evening. And his heart became weak, and he died. Thus, the Little Prince was pleased that his poison had worked, and took the clerk's life. However, the sheriffs of that country---for they were of a different domain---were not impressed by the Little Prince, who looked exactly like the clerk, save his brown eyes and slightly darker hair. They knew the clerk was gifted, but the Little Prince they knew was not, for none in either realm knew of him, though he was the power behind the Prime Minister of the kingdom which the clerk belonged to. And the Prime Minister could not understand, never knowing whom it was who spoke, the Little Prince or the clerk, for he would see one in the street and confused him for the other. And the clerk would be asked for advice, and the Little Prince, but both gave bad advice. Yet, the clerk had no experience, and the Little Prince had malicious designs. Yet, the clerk had died, and thus the Little Prince rose up, and took the Prime Minister's place, and overthrew the reigning monarchs. Thus, he allied with his father, the wizard, and the two waged war upon the greater realms. And the Little Prince showed forth his wisdom, and his craft prospered because he studied the clerk, whose writings were like an Aristotle to his Alexander the Great. And thus, darkness fell upon the whole earth for this crime.
V
Maximus saw Christ, and followed Him. Then, the ages slowly changed, and a good age came upon all men. Maximus was happy in this age, when Christians ruled the world. And he ate, and drank, and rested. However, slowly, as he grew to about middle age, the times of the past were forgotten. Then, there arose a new emperor of Rome, for Catholicism had become forgotten. The scriptures were hidden, but highly sought after. Maximus ate, and drank, aware of it all. For he enjoyed watching the little ones in middle age, and loved to watch them play with their balls in the fields, and to lick the honeysuckle nectar, and in autumn eat the currants which grow that taste like an apple cranberry. He walked through the forests, smelling the roses bloom, which were like rose and honeysuckle, and sniffing the apple blossoms in spring. He did know it all changed. Thus, he knew all the evidence which had existed, yet one day, upon diligent search, none of it was seen. He was vexed by this, and tore his cotton robe. Finally, the Emperor, named Brutus Diviciacus Julii, took Maximus to the bench. And inquired of him. "Bow down to Apollo, and thou shalt have all thy world and all its wisdom back. Do not, thou shalt die the death of a dog." Maximus remembered his teacher well, and said, "I was among the 70 sent out in pairs, and we healed many sick, and cast out many demons. My Lord has treated me well. Better than some of my kin. I gladly die whatever torture you decree, than receive the world and its wisdom for only a short time left on this Earth. What does it compare to eternity?"
VI
Once upon a time, there was a Teutonic Knight, who ventured out into the wilderness. Along his journey, his horse stopped, in the darkest part of the deep woods. And two voices were heard, a woman and her infant crying, her voice carrying in the wind. And to the other side, ten men were crying for help. What wild beast, or torment were there, the Knight listened closer. The woman were near a giant river, and she seemed to be shivering in her voice, like she were cold, and the infant hoarse. The men, however, were fighting a mother bear, robbed of her cub. The question remained, who would he go to save? The Knight paused, and knew what was done in love, was done well. Thus, he galloped toward the river, and saw the woman hanging on a branch, with her little bundle in her hands, the river foam billowing over it, and misting the child's sackcloth hood. The woman were poor, it was seen, but the Knight swooped down, and rescued the woman and her child. Thus, he saddled his horse, and galloped away to the place where the men were fighting the bear. And when he arrived, he saw the bear were already shouted off, yet two men lay slain by the battle.
VII
Upon the hillocks, the Negus' countrymen and the Pharaohs' and the Sultans' and the Brahmin, and the Emperors of the East had many of different races in their lands, which wished to move into the lands of the Germans. And thus, a great war erupted over this, for the Germans were belligerent toward those whose skin was not pale, and their hair was not light. Yet, among the Germans were those sympathetic to others of different forms. Thus, great war erupted. However, there were many of those kingdoms who respected the Teutonic ways, and wished to be among the Germans as kin. Yet, there were many more, who wished to bring their fetishes and backward ways. Thus, there were four ways divided. There were those of the Germans who only wished for one race of fair skin to live in Europe. There were those of the Heritages who wished to be one with the Germans. There were those of the Germans who saw those of the Heritages were good for brothers. And there were those who were of the Heritages who saw only the old ways, which did not suit German life. Thus it was, this wheel span, and made the swastika, for none could gain the upper hand, and all were at war. Yet, there came a wise man, who said, "The two middles form together to make greater numbers, thus they can repel the outer forces who will be divided into thirds instead of halves. Or, they work together, and thereby our designs are complete." Thus they did, and formed German Society, which belonged to all who wanted it. Jew, Greek, Heathen, Christian, Atheist, Polytheist, Rich or Poor, Male or Female. It did not matter, for this one nation was sensible in its laws and fair in its justice and strong in its science.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Black Book of Communism Link
https://www.amazon.com/Black-Book-Communism-Crimes-Repression/dp/0674076087
42 Proverbs
1. To reach proficiency at any discipline, one must listen to both novices and masters. For a novice might have one trick, and a master might have a thousand. To know them both, you know one thousand and one tricks.
2. If you are an intelligent man, work only with your mind. If you are a man of mean intelligence, work with your hands and your mind. If you are a dull man, work only with your hands.
3. Christians, you are salt and light: Therefore, hearken to Christ's Doctrine, and uplift the man who is burdened with many sorrows, be he Greek or Jew, Atheist or Polytheist, Christian or Heathen. Cheer him, do not curse him. For you are always cursing, and it makes a man who's seen God's face ready to call Him a liar on your account.
4. Christians, there is one command to you, and not two. Be mindful, the man who says “Love God” or the man who says “Love your neighbor” are only half a Christian. The man who says “I am saved by grace” or the man who says “I am filled with a burden for the poor and downtrodden” are only half a Christian.
5. Atheists, you do well to think there is a moral that is universal. Yet, you call it empathy, but shun discipline. This is why you are unwise, for there can be no empathy, where discipline is slack.
6. Hindus, your religion is good, until it teaches you there are men whom you must spite. There is only this life, and the next. There is no reincarnation, therefore, treat your neighbor like he were only going to have this one life, and you will do well.
7. Buddhists, I applaud your ethics, and moral upbringing, but then you surmount that life is only suffering. On that notion, I am Christian, for while I know life involves suffering, there is a great joy here, too.
8. Muslims, you are good folk, and hearty people, but too simplistic.
9. There are many laws, and many religions. Yet only one truth. Yet, men subjugated to only one way, is not good. For, men being diverse is a good thing for it makes life interesting.
10. When debating with a more intelligent man, probe him for knowledge if you must. Do not fear being humiliated by him, unless he carries with him the sword. For by your humiliation, you are rewarded with a new insight.
11. When debating with a man of equal intelligence, debate sharply, and remember to listen close. Make his arguments strong, before you make your arguments. And listen to every word.
12. When debating with a fool, know he will humiliate you. His words are comprehended by everyone, and at last, he is a mockingbird for none understood your dark speech.
13. If you fail in life, do not take it out on others. Who knows if your proverbs shall endure, and be like talents stored at interest in the treasury?
14. It is better to be poor, starving and near death, than feasting, knowing your entire wealth was borne on the backs of those you took it from.
15. Every generation perpetrates great crimes against humanity. And every generation thinks to have learned or restored their debts.
16. If you are at work underneath a mean man, listen to his words, for they are life. Though your superior is a wise man, and his superior a mean man, follow your superior, though mean or wise. Do only the task that is instructed, and what you have learned and go no further. And do what you have been trained to do, and no thing else.
17. If you understand a thing here, and a thing there, bring all of it to your employment. And listen closely... roam free and look for what needs to be done. Do not stand idly, unless the work is finished.
18. If you are a man who employs labor, do not make the entire job like it were given to a machine. Men are free... let them roam, let them make work for themselves. Yet, if they are untrustworthy or slothful, leave them. They are of no good. A man who cannot be trusted to his own designs, to do good work, is not one that is employable.
19. Always move on the job. But, at time of rest, stay still.
20. Marry a wife who is like you in most every way. Yet, she will be different and will cut off your childishness. And you will cut off hers. For you are two children, who come together and become one family of adults raising their own children. For the boy or girl does not become grown, until they marry.
21. Gladden your wife's heart, and merry her amusements. Make her happy. Do things for her soul, for she may take you on an adventure you never knew. Occupy your time with things other than mating and business. Find time for things which friends do together.
22. If your wife have many friends, and they are not your friends, then you have enemies which you cannot defend yourself against. Yet, a good wife will have few friends and not many.
23. Find three true friends in your life, and if they are mad at you, leave them for a season. And find them again where you left them, and reconcile. They never change, truly, and remain who they always were at their core. Yet, if they change, perhaps you did not know them as well as you thought?
24. Regard your animal as if it were your friend. Be it a fish, or a kine, or a dog or cat. Love them, for they were given to us for companionship.
25. Wake up, wash, drink a few cups of coffee, eat a fine grain, walk outside, and let your eyes see sunlight. You shall be awakened for your work for the day's task.
26. Work within a few miles of home. Do not travel over large distances, unless you wish to lose what you have stored there.
27. There is a man who doesn't stay at home. He ought not find a wife. There is a woman the same. She ought not find a husband. They ought remain virginal, and purify the earth of their flesh.
28. All things on earth are combat. That is how the kings have made it. And that is why many are wounded. What can salve them, beside love?
29. To give to a leech, is to draw out blood. There is no good in a leech, so to reflect a man who will drain his father's stores and do no work for him or any other.
30. There is a man who labors much, but profits little. Such a man is also a blessing on himself and others, and in due season will cause all around him to flourish, and they know not how or why, though they will torment him with many unkind words.
31. There is a man who labors little, but profits much. Such a man is a curse on all around him, but himself. He causes all around him to get poor and needy, and his wealth grows, and his fields are joined, so the poor say, “Where is our homestead?”
32. There is a King who benefits himself, and by doing so, benefits all around him. He does neither good nor evil.
33. There is a King who benefits himself, and by doing so, ruins all around him. He does great harm.
34. There is a King who does good, but must do evil for that is his lawful authority, to do evil on this Earth for the sake of making peace.
35. Better to die poor, than be a king. For the king must murder and lead captive. That is his true business.
36. The King is rich, for in the next life he shall suffer much.
37. The Diplomat is rich, but his job is to make peace---like many men of God, this authority was not wasted, for the King is the Sword, and the Diplomat is the Shield.
38. Democracy is sound---yet who is the King in a Democracy? That is why they are so peaceful.
39. Merchants who act like Kings, are men who ought be hanged.
40. Great men are not born, they are not made, they are rather those who walk close to providence.
41. A grievous sinner must be forgiven, or he will have no reason to repent. Therefore, forgive him, lest his heart be fully committed to evil. Aye! That is why we have Christ, you know? For man is less likely to do this, but with God, all things are possible, even for a bad man to become a good man.
42. I looked under the sun, and saw one thing which was pleasing: To work, and eat from the labors you enjoy. Let thy servant drink the fine wine his feet had pressed, and eat the fine grains in your field, and a portion of the meat from thy cattle, and find time to please himself with his wife and children, and you will be a happy lord, for you will have a happy servant.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
I Think Smart People Fail in Real Life, Because Life Was Manufactured to not Be About Pursuit of Wonder or Creativity or Curiosity, but Rather Is Geared Toward Warfare. Which Is Why so Many Are Suffering.
And of course, Truth is offensive, so if you tell it, people will stop you. Very simple to understand. Why do you think Sages tend to die in poverty, or are executed?
I Don’t Have Any Deigns for Power. Only Understanding.
Good Music’s not Dead, it’s Just Hidden.
And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
But one of the soldiers with a spear pierced his side, and forthwith came there out blood and water.
Parkinson’s may be a result of social pressure. As a disproportionate amount of people who have the disease, are famous.
I See People Viewing My Contact Page. If Anyone’s Sending me Emails, I’m not Receiving them.
If You Have No Lightning in the Hand, Remember, Thunder Can Cause an Avalanche.
I Am a Modern Mythmaker.
A Thousand Blind Men Can Refute Sight.
Hope Makes Me a Christian
What happens if there is not a God?
What happens if cruelty makes you truly happy?
What happens if being selfish is truly wise?
What happens if making others suffer makes you feel better about yourself, like truly better?
What happens if being on top is better than being on the bottom?
What happens if men do create morality?
What happens if love is an illusion?
What happens if giving to the poor only hurts you, and doesn't help you?
What happens if prayer doesn't get heard?
What happens if being a good person, actually makes you physically sick?
What happens if being a bad person, actually makes you healthy?
What happens if theft doesn't get punished?
What happens if you should keep every secret?
What happens if sociopaths are happy?
What happens if there is no such thing as truth?
What happens if there is nothing we can truly know?
What happens if our whole lives are completely determined by physics and chemistry?
What happens if our science is never going to be true?
What happens if law is what is written, and nothing else?
What happens if loving yourself makes you loved more by other people?
What happens if loving other people makes you hated by them?
What happens if beauty is inferior to ugliness?
What happens if pain is superior to pleasure?
What happens if there are no moral truths?
What happens if there are no ethical truths?
What happens if there is no love, beside emotion?
What happens if monogamy can't make anyone happier?
What happens if good is subjective?
What happens if evil is subjective?
What happens if there is only this world?
What happens if there is no heaven or hell to soothe a suffering heart or set the scales of justice?
What happens if there is nothing in this life but what you choose to make it?
What happens if life is about pleasure and nothing else?
What happens if marriage isn't superior?
What happens if faith is dishonest?
What happens if freedom is too dangerous?
What happens if morality is governed by offense?
What happens if treachery can make you succeed and never feel an ounce of guilt?
What happens if there is no forgiveness?
What happens if there is no God?
Suffering
Though my heart fails within me,
Though the sorrows of hell afflict me,
Though my enemy's power is great;
Though their prayers aren't for my mercy,
Though their weapons are drawn against me,
And though Satan say 'tis too late;
Though my enemies number my name,
And my friends do the same,
I shall to the LORD offer praise.
A bitter root must be clipped,
And a gracious heart must be filled
By God's Hesed and by faith.
I make two prayers to God,
For His affliction is my rod
Of correction; and fate
Is not a thing, as I sing
And I have two choices to bring
Either God or to sate
Upon dainty morsels,
Or to rest on my paltry laurels
But here is what I pray:
"Establish my hand's good work
"And let me inquire in your church
"For all days, and enter through Thy Gate."
Thalaba the Destroyer
Dedicated to Robert Southey,
Whose prosaic poetry helped inspire this piece,
Through his by the same name.
Canto I
I
Many years, either past or future
Present or in the nick of time...
There lived a prophet and a king;
The king supped on spices: cumin, mint, celery, cinnamon,
With perfectly cooked meats: lamb, tilapia, bison, stag, beef;---
And he drank wine with the most cheerful inebriation.
His hot springs were like pools set as jewels in his house.
His chefs the finest in 100 realms.
The prophet supped on spices: ginger, salt, garlic, onion---
With perfectly cooked meats: beef, pork, chicken, salmon;
He drank sweetened teas and coffees, and good milk.
He had a bath drawn by servants, and warmed.
And he cooked all his own meals.
He was with his servant much, and they two were like kin.
II
The king, for want of fame or to protect his vassals
Wished to make war with Persia.
None knew, for perhaps both things can be true.
He drew up plans with his generals, conspired
To draw swords against Persia,
And draw up all the land of Grecia
To war with the South and the East.
The Generals spied it was profitable
And encouraged all his heart to enter the war.
The wights wealed with wisdom of the world,
Thus, they sought to do
And so they would.
So the siege engines were hacked from the sycamores
And the maples fell to build machines of war.
III
The prophet, however, cried---
Thalaba was his name---
Peace, where the little darlings were dandled
On their mother's knees
And the children rode their mules and stallions
And they played with their hoops and balls
And the venerable kings of foreign lands
Dwelt safely upon the clefts, spying the beige lakes.
The river boats and anglers threw their lines
The cattle and bear trod safely and were no danger;
The milk was good,
The tea plenteous with honey.
Man and wife sank flower petals into the pools
And children were cautioned about only trifles.
IV
A bird, however, heard all the curse.
It carried it to the king.
He rent his silk robe
And his princes were then used as spies.
They sought the king's engines
And came to Thalaba's home and spied all his things.
They saw he was wealthy yet was also poor
Compared to his neighbors.
The king demanded he stop publishing
And demanded he stop cursing.
Yet, as he welled it up inside
It burst from Thalaba's lungs
Causing true danger.
Thalaba could not stand by, but prophesied.
V
Thus, foul sorcerers began to torment.
A prophet tells the truth, but sorcerers
Lies—confusion, illusion and deception
Are their only true weapons
And they weave mischief
Like a brass web.
And Thalaba cried for there to be peace,
And this angered the king greatly.
He sent for spies to tell the tale
And sorcerers and mages and enchanters.
Thalaba was confused, but steadfast for peace.
Great wars cause so much suffering.
The king saw it like a cycle
Yet Thalaba saw the stepping stone to Lawlessness.
IV
Thus, the king used his
Mediums to prevent any true
News from getting to Thalaba.
They made an iron curtain around 15 miles in radius
Thus no news, save that of peace
Came to Thalaba.
And thus it were, he received only false reports.
He drew his contract and had the judge seal the
Document and then thought
This just, to afflict he who prophesied
Evil against the king.
To not share in collective history, he knew no greater
Punishment for a supposed prophet.
The king marched out to war.
Canto II
I
Thus, with the king's mind so set
The vault became a manner of blood
To foretell of the blood and reset.
The king of southern realms were afrighted
Thus mustered 500,000,000 men strong
To pour into the Northern Lands.
March they did, across the dry rivers,
Scorched and made thirsty by quakes.
They marched in their lines, two armies,
One of three hundred million
The other of two hundred million.
The first sailed across the pacific
To enter the new world from the west and south;
The second marched through Egypt into Jordan.
II
They came from China, and Persia
Arabia, and Deep in Ethiopia,
Syria, the Heart of Africa,
South Asia, Russia
South America, Central America,
Drug Lords, Warlords, Businessmen
Princes of the East and South
From Idumea and Turkey
And Mexico, and some hailed
From unknown lands, Barbarian
Small peoples of a nation of two hundred men.
They arrayed in peasant's garb
Brought no sword or bow
But they came to steal, kill and destroy.
III
Their steeds were dolphins, bulls
Whales, gryphons, hawks, eagles,
Wargs, spiders, dragons, deer, stags
Bear, ligers, leopards
Jaguars, elephants, unicorns
Satyr's hooves, jackals, crows---
They had aligned with the conies and dogs,
The baboons and apes,
The hyenas and wild boars.---
Thus their numbers were overwhelming:
The fairies spread lies and rumors,
The Baals and Asheroths were satiated with blood,
The owls and liliths
And the scorpions and anthropoids and cephalopods, too.
IV
Thus, the king began his campaign
By drawing fire and brimstone from heaven
And it consumed many cities to ashes.
Man, woman, child, old, animal, tree were consumed
And melted away to bone and dust.
This act startled the realms below
Who, like a nest of hornets, when left
To their own, pollinated the trees and flowers
In exchange for sweet nectar of trade.
But when the paper nest was swatted
The hornets swarmed in great, lethal numbers
So it was, the king called by sorcery
Fire from the heavens, and it engulfed
The once peaceful peoples, so they too were stung with loss.
V
Thalaba prophesied the war,
But the king in his craft caused all
News of the great war to never reach
Thalaba's town. All within a 15 mile radius,
They heard of minor disturbances
Far away, as children dawned mail and armor
To sail across entire oceans
To die and fight: not before
Countering the forces now landed
Upon the beachheads, who did terror
Upon all they could, to kill, steal, destroy,
Rape, rob, murder, and eat the flesh
Of men, whomever their hungry bodies slaughtered
That they did.
VI
But in this small town, all were at ease,
Drinking too, eating capon
Bathing, making flesh feel good in their many paramours,
Drinking milk, working like it were their all and only
Activity, day and night without rest or time
For peace. Thalaba saw nothing:
He dreamt of succubi which the kings conjured,
He cataloged the seasons and the stars to document
Peace, for his king were a fool.
He prayed, rested, repented, slept, woke
Ate hearty suppers, drove his hearty mare
Through town on leisure rides
Witnessing the vanity and pride wax greatly
On every citizen's tired faced.
Canto III
I
Like Horace, a pagan whore remarked
That his countryman betrayed the solemnities:
Great wars and defeats were prognosticated
Yet Rome plunged further into a black peace.
For women were loose and the bonds of peace,
Matrimony's harmony,
Were disorderly among the entire realm:
Thalaba cried that for this, was war to come,
The women ground for those other than spouse
And men kept not their secret chaste.
Thus the king said he heard it all before
And those prophets were fools, too,
So he kept the three cities Thalaba
Knew, ignorant on pain of torture without death.
II
Yet, the armies came and murdered, raped, robbed
Ate their victims too---
They came in numbers the size of large nations
And stole much booty.
Their thews were gaunt, their bellies fat
Their weapons drawn from the men they killed.
Chemistry with nitre, they blew bridges,
They poisoned watersheds,
They hacked to pieces victims and sold their meat:
Belladonna, bane-berry, hemlock, star of Bethlehem, mandrake
Night shade, holly berry, they made
And liquid death tea: they poisoned all,
Entire cities fell ill and then fires were ignited
In forests: fields charred, game consumed to the last.
III
Thalaba thought there was peace
And warned of great war.
The abomination of desolation
Were those armies, yet Thalaba heard not a peep.
Yet he stirred to cry out for no
War. Yet war was already real.
Yet even worse, the children mocked
The hoary headed laughed
The mothers and fathers hid their children
In their bosom and said,
“There is no war, you were wrong, we are strong.
“We hide our children from the likes of you.”
They ate, drank, and slept at ease
Not a single true shred of news reached their ears.
IV
The taunt was so...
“Weak and feeble young man
“If you only knew
“No war exists
“If so, we now prove
“You are rude of heart
“And loud of speech.
“Obnoxious now
“But you can read.
“That is all, you raging nut:
“You are not wise,
“You know nothing such.
“Wrong about a thousand things
”We laugh, and with us welkin rings."
V
Yet the milk became scarce
The honey less sweat
The portions waned so few.
10 pound capon became 3 pounds
The oils was costly
Yet gold fetched a high price.
They blamed all on Thalaba's prophecies
Saying “He discouraged our king.”
They began a rumor,
“In our city, lives Thalaba the Destroyer.
“He is usually wrong
“And his sootheing is the cause
“Of all our woes.
“Woe to him. Woe to him.”
Canto IV
I
Then, the prices fell, and the prices were good.
People were fed from the produce.
The idols were cheap
And so were the devices.
The milk, and honey, and fruit, and grain
Were at a price that was affordable.
The men gloated over Thalaba,
And called him a Broken Clock.
Yet, his stories welled in him
Over years, and his prophecies remained consistent.
He ate with trembling;
He drank with angst.
Seeing peace, he wrote his stories.
Those stories that welled for so many years.
II
Thalaba was ashamed he was wrong.
He beat his breast and rubbed his belly sore
With his belt. And his anger swelled
And great confusion hurt Thalaba's heart.
He was hurting in his heart
And saw every vision fail.
Brother and father saw, but the food was cheap.
Where before, they argued over the high costs.
The entire price was cheap.
They all celebrated the king
And lauded him for his prowess.
The people were comfortable
And they ate. They drank.
The people saw no curse.
III
The children ate freely and walked the street.
Their parents lauded their prize achievements
And the people loved their little games.
And the rumors they would spread about Thalaba.
They loved to gossip and talebear down the road.
And when Thalaba prayed, they called him insane.
The children strode with horse and mule
And hit the flowers with sticks;
They would gesticulate at Thalaba
And call him all manner of vile things.
Not one neighbor knew about the war,
Not one man knew the evil that stalked the night.
The king's bodyguard kept the three cities safe,
So they would never know.
IV
They cried another taunt:
“You were wrong oh poet,
“And you know it!”
“The great powers of your verse
“Have not abated the curse.
“Nay, we eat freely,
“No, we eat cheaply.
“We sink to the slough
“And the king raises us!
“Understand, we know now
“That you are false
“For our devices and food
“Are cheaply produced.
“And our bounty we laud.”
V
Yet, the prices were low, and they ate
And consumed all. So there was no thing to buy.
The beef were gone, the milk, the wool and flax,
The watches, the automatons,
The paintings, the paper,
The windows, the baubles
The ships were not on the whale-paths,
The carriages not on the road,
The postmen not at their posts,
The pastors long exchanged
For counselors on life.
Where before they rejoiced
For their carts were full,
Now, they were destitute.
VI
Before, they rejoiced over the easy flowing oil.
The food which were great and plump
And verdant food, and lush grains;
They rejoiced over their distractions.
They rejoiced over their games.
They rejoiced over their loves.
And felt they were not culpable in a thing.
They rejoiced: for the suffering
Elsewhere was not to come near
The three protected cities.
They knew not a thing about it.
They know like all the world
That they were fat and well fed.
Thus, they rejoiced over their victim.
Canto V
I
The shelves were bare from East to West
North to South of the circumference
Of that little self contained world.
The war was elsewhere, and the sword
Thick with fat: the soil quenched by blood.
Yet, in this little world
There were no war, like elsewhere.
There, the peoples saw their folly,
And that Thalaba were still a lie.
They could not admit, due to ignorance,
For they saw their little
World were bare of goods.
For fat capons became gaunt hens
And beef was nowhere else.
II
All that could be bought
Were. The people began
To feel deep depressing
Hunger for the first time.
Their shelters became their graves.
They decomposed on the streets,
Their flesh fused with the rugs,
For they melted away.
They said of Thalaba that he cried wolf
And therefore, was the harbinger
Of this great sorrow.
The people lamented
Their idols could not save.
In the streets they waxed cruel and vain.
III
They took up this taunt:
“Though hungry
“We know now you are wrong.
“Though thirsty,
“Our peace is ever strong.
“Do you know, now,
“Why we must have gone to war?
“For many men have fallen to your curse.
“Thalaba the Destroyer,
“You had your peace.
“Thalaba the Destroyer
“Now none can have their feast.
“Thalaba the destroyer
“You might as well be beast.”
IV
Hunger struck all including Thalaba.
Priest, prophet: friend spurned friend
And men ate their fellows.
Skulls littered the roads,
The rain tattooed the puddles
Which the rotting flesh made burgundy.
Yet, the thirsty would drink.
And they'd die of their contamination.
The diseases of poverty spread.
The men fell in the streets.
Hungry, they tremored from lack of flesh.
The king mocked by making himself
A conquering Messiah.
He said, “Praise be to Allah.”
V
Then came the day
Thalaba was arrested.
Into shackles he was locked:
And by two hearty police,
He were led away.
His flesh were black
From fire soot, burning in the towns.
His once fat and gay form
Was folded with skin
And his belly a pouch.
He were ahungered.
He were athirst.
He were captured.
But he was not cursed.
VI
They raised a litany against him:
His crimes were as said:
“Libel and slander
“Of the king.
“Disseminating State Secrets.
“Publishing blasphemies against his majesty.
“Slothful in business.
“A plagiarist, though we know not how.
“How does an unintelligent man
“Figure out things which mystified
“The skeptics?
“And it turned out never wrong?
“Necromancy, sorcery,
“False prophecy, and more.”
VII
The people cried that he demoralized
Them. Thus they were sated
On his chains.
They talked little in their days
But said it must be justice.
They were assured
It was all Thalaba's mischief.
The king knew otherwise.
He laughed and sumptuously feasted:
Goats fed on fine pastures
And dairy from the same.
Milk nourished on the spring grass
And local honey rich and dark:
Strawberries from the sweetest runners.
VIII
Thalaba was never void,
So the peoples all died.
Great were their wanings.
All suffered even good and bad.
None found joy.
The sun darkened.
The stars fell.
The moon melted.
The trees were bare.
The grass dried up.
The beef were dry morsels often like foul berries.
The ocean were blood.
The rivers cracked to the bed.
The life on earth barren.
Canto VI
I
Months in prison kept
The prison guards grew more thin
And looked with envy at Thalaba.
Sheltered here, and untouchable,
He sat with a flowing spring
Of which he drank.
His shoes stayed on his feet:
He drank water in cups, for a fresh spring
Poured into his cell,
Cool and crisp: not hardened with excessive minerals.
He drank and washed, and took off his clothes
For washing.
He washed with the mint that grew
In between the cracks of the soil in the bricks.
II
The prison guards were full of black
Envy, as their eyes turned
To pitch and their bodies as shadows.
Thalaba had a crust of bread three times
A day, a portion of meat,
Milk and tea, and he ate the herbs which grew
In his cell, which Christu planted just for him.
The guards were envious of him!
For they were without food.
Soon, they were no more,
And a Ginger Haired maiden came with morsels.
They all abandoned him and forgot.
She came to become a spouse,
Bringing what she foraged all day.
III
In winter, she shared skin, vulva and warmth.
The two touched, and kept their stores
Which she wisely kept for colder months.
She, with breast upon his bare breast,
Ate warmth from each other.
He became fairer than 10,000
From sitting and waiting.
And they both were the two most fair
In all the world.
They were never married
But she a hymn burst for him.
And they slept, keeping warm with each other's
Bodies. And she conceived
And she and he loved each other, and that peace was like heaven.
IV
However, food was low
And Thalaba caused her to eat
For the son in her womb
And herself.
She wept, as he got more weak
And was all but bone when he died.
She wept.
Their love was rich, though they spoke
Little to each other.
Their laconic relationship
Was borne on need and touch,
Not shallow conversations
About politics, philosophy, science and religion.
V
She knew it would be her fate, too,
So she prayed for wings.
She and he loved much.
Sorrowful hours were like heaven
In each other's arms.
Their warmth was stronger than hunger.
Their love more severe than death.
It was strong.
No thing could compare,
And in Thalaba's final moments
He received his deepest longing.
For he kept prayer strong,
Fasted often and clung to God like
Jacob.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Nature is a reflection of the mind. What you see, is what you are. But, also, nature is a reflection of man. What it does, we also do. So when God regenerates the Earth, nature will cause the lions to have molars, instead of canines. Yet, you still see, mankind is generally good, if you’re in nature long enough. Just as Solomon said, we sought out many devices.
[G]ood fiction informs people. It develops a moral consequence to actions, and weighs them.
Man Has Two Natures: Hopeful and Resentful. If We Ever Wish to Advance and Be Happy, We Need Our Hopeful Nature.
Never Underestimate What You Can Learn From A Comment on the Internet.
Poems Spring 2026
1. An Atheist's Proof of God
Take a square, and circumscribe a Circle's Diameter
Onto one of its sides.
Then, extend the Square into a rectangle,
So the square and rectangle fit to the golden ratio.
Then, make within the rectangle, the Golden Ratio arc.
Then, make a circle from the radii of one side of the golden ratio rectangle
And from its parallel corner of the circle, so draw an arc
To the other side of the rectangle.
Build a circle, so the diameter of a smaller circle
Is tangent to where the arc had crossed the golden ratio rectangle
And so its circumference meets the Golden Ratio Arc.
The larger circle will be exactly that of the Earth
Proportioned to the smaller circle, if it were proportioned to the moon.
And then draw an angle from the parallel corner of the golden ratio rectangle,
So that the angle meets at the place where the rectangle and smaller circle are tangent.
That angle will be equal to the Great Pyramids of Giza's slope.
2. Two Musicians
Banjos play their melodies,
Echoing in the wind;
Each a different kind
Of plucking on the strings.
The two masters met
And music they did make;---
A style none had heard
Which echoed as they played.
Once, and only once, these two masters played
And the most beautiful music made everyone there so gay.
Never again would their song be heard
And a thousand like are so...
Musicians who form their songs
And humbly ought to know:
How many men have never played,
Or how many never would...
Oh!
If humble masters rolled
As each man's response so should?
3. Providential Guidance
Amazing to me, God brings me to a thing;
I study it there, and kindly unaware
He brings it to its peace.
There it is, which days later will be core.
How Providence guides me,
And helps shape my lore.
4. The Sum of My Politics
Silly conversations,
When two men disagree
On definitions, and cannot
Understand what is real
Leads to social calamity.
The arts, when it is ugly
Reflects the soul of a people,
Or when it is beautiful the same.
The will of a people determine
The force of a society---
No sovereign moves without his people
And he cannot sway them.
If they are good, the sovereign becomes good
But if they are bad, the sovereign becomes bad.
Tradition and innovation must work in balance---
Never forsake traditions, and enjoy them bountifully.
But innovate a little--not a lot--so as not to confuse
The elders, nor bore the youth.
Religion is good for a society,
And Atheism must subject itself to Religious laws of benevolence.
Women are not the master over men;
And children are not the master over adults.
God is to be venerated, and providence rules
Even over a people and its ruler.
Do not interfere with the peasant's timing.
They know the season to harvest, and the season to plant.
They know the season to weave, and the season to gin.
They know the season to eat, and the season to fast.
They know the season to breed, and the season to skillfully handle.
Do not interfere with them, and let them nourish themselves
Upon their own fruits. And do not make them dependent.
But, rehabilitate the poor, so they can be strong, too.
Plant a fruit tree every acre, and let the husbandman dress.
Then there will be fine clothing for all,
And a portion of meat on every table.
5. What I Wanted to Be When I Grow Up
As a child, I had no plan for the future.
I had no career, or wont for work.
I watched the A-Team and Star Wars
And Ninja Turtles. I ate hot dogs.
I'd eat apple sauce and tuna fish casserole.
I'd go to kindergarten, and fret about school.
There, even, it was too hard.
I'd write my letters on chalkboards,
And sound out all the letters,
And I'd put my number blocks together
In ones, tens, hundreds and thousands...
I'd play with playdough, and learn about division;
I'd learn about multiplication on our blocks.
I'd learn about addition on them, too.
I'd learn phonemes and suffixes and prefixes.
I'd learn about subtraction from apples
And grapes, by eating them.
I'd listen to the teacher read stories.
I'd learn Tall Tales, and about our Revolutionary War.
I'd learn about our Civil War.
I'd learn about Wright Brothers, Ford, Edison and Bell
Earhart, Robinson, King, and Tubman.
I'd learn Mammals, and Fish, and Amphibians, and Birds,
And Reptiles, and Mollusks, and Cephalopods and Crustaceans
And Insects, and Arachnids and Anthropoids. Some Dinosaurs too.
I'd have little card catalogs with all the animals
And their species, classification and phylums.
I'd play Super Mario World and Donkey Kong.
I'd gaze for hours at the hollo sheets on my encyclopedias
That had the human systems,
Digestive, respiratory, nervous, cardiovascular, skeletal, endocrine, reproductive.
I'd run with a stick in my basement, and make elaborate
Wars with Army Men and Star Wars action figures.
That was what I was good at, so I tried to turn it into a career.
I guess, that's what I wanted to be, was a professional
At taking all of this and creating something good.
6. We Know Not What to Ask For
Walking down the clay path,
I realize, "We know not what to pray."
For we want wives, and homes and children,
And for our hearts by these things made gay.
I then realize, we know not what to ask.
For, we must ask for peace-be-still,
And to love our neighbor as our last.
Then I see the hellborn servant,
The one who says this phrase,
"I know to hell I am going,
"So go big to win Satan's praise."
Yet there is all suffering,
And there you deserve to die.
So I ask God, I ask God,
"Should I be like him make me die."
For I wish to not walk another step
In this world of empty fame.
If I am a stumbling block to others,
Let me die LORD, if I have Thy Rage.
Yet, I ask for peace, and to be made righteous still.
That is why, the Servant of Hell,
Is going, for he is selfishly revealed.
The things of this life are his only treasure,
And to steal from me he will.
He will take all I ever asked for,
Except the heavenly hills I fill
My mouth with, and the roads of golden clay.
There I wish to walk, there I will some day.
7. Have You Ever?
Have you ever eaten a fine dish?
All your familiar flavors are there,
But enhanced to a degree greater.
Have you ever listened to flat music,
That has been played after a sweet
Melody? Such is life and heaven...
Life is a bland dish, cooked well,
Served hot, but heaven is augmented
A little brighter, and the flavors a little
More subtle, and the sights a little
Bit more beautiful than we see now.
And if you have ever heard a song
A fine church melody, play,
And then listened to this world's flat
Contemporary songs,
You shall know... yes, you shall know.
Yet, some are conditioned to prefer
The morsel that is not quite as sweet.
8. A Dream
I have two sins...
Bitterness and Idolatry.
I slept sweet last night,
And then tried to escape the essene---
And I saw Hephzibah in her olive skin,
And she did not want me.
For I idolized her.
And then, the prison house rapist
Mocked me, where the employer
Wished me to meet my fate.
And because he would not hire me, I had an outburst;
For though I knew his sons and daughters,
He did not wish to hire me, for my bread,
But wished me to be the Prison's Victim.
And I told the rapist, I'd like Brittos
Slay him, yet it was bitterness,
Even with a vile oath.
And then I fought the sith,
And ended up on a Morning Talk Show...
There I saw those same people,
But they ignored me,
And when I talked,
They said, "This is a weak gospel."
And I saw my acquaintances walk by, downcast,
And I knew not how I offended them...
Was it my fault? I did not know for I could not recall the offense.
Yet, it was my gospel,
Of faith producing works....
They shunned me, though
And had their soldiering to do...
Who they fought I do not know,
But I do know it was not themselves.
And then, after the essene tried to grab me,
And I blurted out my idolatry,
I was bit by two Komodo Dragons,
And avoided a third.
And I walked to the snow, and washed the cankerous wounds,
I could feel my leg were swollen and numb;
Where before I were in the fires of hell so I could witness it were real.
And I asked the local, "Does this kill?"
He said, "No." in his ancient wisdom;
The White Evangelical told me to go see a doctor.
Yet, I washed in the snow.
And before that, I was talking,
And they were discussing the Apostolic Fathers.
And I knew a thing, and they knew a thing,
But they cared not for my thing, only theirs;
They said to respect the Crumbs at the Table; so I listened to their gospel,
And knew I was but a man.
But then they asked me about the weeds.
To which, I told them about the weeds...
First all they knew were the Dandelions,
So I told them about the Veronica, the Mayapples, the Daisies,
The Violets, the Broad Leaf Plantain,
But they said I talk too much.
But while walking a little further, I saw what I didn't tell them,
Which was Wolf's Bane, which I knew never to touch.
Yet I forgave my debtor of one hundred shekels;
And I told him, "You reap what you sow."
And the realization came to me as I awoke...
"I have two sinis. Idolatry and bitterness.
"But the rest of it is this faulty world and its ills...
"Most of this is not my fault, I now understand.
"It is just a cruel world."
9. Two Haikus
The farmer's soil
Can produce, yet every year
There is risk of drought.
Nature reflects us.
What it does, we do also.
Yet, it is still good.
10. The Wild Flowers
The rich man, with a beautiful face
Poses for a perfume commercial.
He says, "You get what you deserve."
I do not see this, anywhere, being true.
I see men like him, with no good,
Swimming in gold and whores.
I see men who have made less mistakes,
Though more taboo, destitute.
I've seen men, who did no wrong,
Still lost in a see of the world's forgetfulness.
I look at the flowers, they come up over the year
In their times. In little clusters they bloom.
Just like people, the more beautiful ones appear
For a short time, so distinct, but surrounding them
Are weeds. And the weeds thrive all year long.
But, the flowers are distinct in their times.
And they spring up, and they die... until winter
When there is only the Rose Hip and the Holly Berry.
He puts his finger to his mouth, and says "Be quiet."
Yet, I know it is not true, for people are suffering.
Yes, indeed, people are suffering.
And I see the autumn come, and the late Mallow and Chicory bloom.
And the rich men are like Barberries, invasive
With a rich, red, yet bland fruit.
And they sprout in the last months of fall,
And there they grow, not where they ought to be.
Yet, understand, the perfume of the Rose, or the Trumpets
Of the Currants, or the Daisies, or the Bluebells,
Or the Hyacinths, cannot be matched.
The oak of the forest, and the musk of the cedars
Are beautiful among all others.
Yet, the rich grow in wealth, and the poor feed their decadence.
And the writer is called a "Fool".
So what if he is? Was not Wordsworth a supporter of Liberty?
And then converted to a more conservative view?
No... for you cannot have the poets.
All must do their busy work...
Destroy art, history, literature, math, science...
All so the rich can eat, and the poor can feed them.
The peoples spring up in their generations...
And this generation there are the Chicories
With their bitter roots, though vitamin rich,
And they make a Coffee, and have a delicate flower.
They close during the hottest parts of the day,
And they open during the rain and are bright in the morning.
11. The Prettiest Face
A Prettiest Face
I saw in my life, slapped a
Man for saying that
Women shouldn't have suffrage.
He took her to court and won.
My honest opinion is
That people had decorum
In the past and would forgive.
I think of a Hippy saying
It: this must have transpired
A hundred thousand times now.
Though, I don't think this would be.
A new world with new bounds.
So nobody has love.
Does anyone know how to forgive now?
Yet now I know what
Happened, radical left met
Radical right... war.
Calls it apolitical.
Beauty is only skin deep.
12. A Better Future
The future I had seen,
Just last night while I sleep...
Was neither good nor bad.
The way a good future ought to be.
There were cars on a grid
Flying high, and would
Move along their neural highways.
AI controlled them,
As the cars moved too fast...
They would go here, and there,
And then to make time pass
They had phones with holograms.
Their worst corruption were from whores
Who I'm not sure how it was borne
But that was what they said came from the orient.
Yet, as I see the pseudoscientists say
That dreams are about the eyes...
I do not believe it is that way.
As, I believe dreams collect
All the senses you impress,
Emotions, thoughts, sights, sounds, touch, smells and taste;
And puts them together through logical chains
To help you process what is made
In your subconscious thoughts.
Like a story or a play
Your dreams will always sway
Your mind to what you think about during the day.
13.
I saw the rabid,
Crepuscular creature. Stopped
Along magenta
Park paths, the static sun shone;
Sensual rain trickled in bows.
14. The Gems of the Forest
I walk down the park path;
The geraniums bloom
Like magenta bijoux.
A crepuscular hike,
The geraniums bloom;
The moonlight makes them glow.
A crepuscular hike
In the trickling rain,
The moonlight makes them glow.
A woman's musk, will scent
In the trickling rain;
The static smell's from oaks.
A woman's musk, will scent;
As rain beads from oak leaves.
The static smell's from oaks,
The raindrops genuine.
15. The Island
A large Island I never knew
How many sit there on my globe?
How many will I never know?
I spin it round and round, and pore;
And new wonders I will be shown.
16. My Love
Whoever you are, my honey,
Come and find me, and we shall together
Be satisfied by food borne from this.
You shall sell, and I shall write,
And we both shall buy.
And what is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine
For we shall make it together.
Come find me speedily,
Lest I sleep the cruel sleep of death.
Make wings, and speedily come like an eagle
And revive my youth like Eagle's Wings.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Jews Seek for a Miracle, and Greeks Wisdom. Yet, First Have Faith, and Both Shall Become Abundantly Clear.
An Unsung Private on the Front Lines Has the Best Chance at Winning the Medal of Honor.
My Deed, my Hand, (Yod) Behold the (Hey) Nail; (Vav) Look! (Hey)
Ode to My Words
I
Ten thousands poems are written.
Ten thousand essays the same...
Only one or two hundred are smitten,
The rest are sour or lame.
Am I a monkey at a typewriter?
Am I a robot making rhymes?
Or am I a man with ideas
That shall stand the test of time?
Am I Paul Bunyan or John Henry
Furiously upstaged by machines?
Am I full of rotten envy
Of what I only could have been?
I chose a foolish path...
Many were wiser and sharper with the pen...
I hear my sound, it's foolish...
And I want to make an end.
If I climb Mount Everest
And then I climb K2,
And then take a submersible,
To the bottom of the Mariana, too
Where on Earth can I go?
A thousand trails I've trekked?
My voice is so annoying,
My whining makes me vexed.
I watch the world die---
I watch the work made slow...
I have made myself real wise,
And everything I now have known.
At the end, am I like Apollonius
A perfect philosopher at the bench
Looking at the gavel,
My judge a youthful wench?
And shall she say that I am guilty,
For talking ever so loud?
And shall she throw the gavel
And upon the discus pound?
And shall I then a lawsuit,
Which my accusers will not budge,
Go to court with my law-suit
And plead my cause to the judge?
And they who know my Jesus
Obstinately take me before the judge?
And then they say "He's no genius
"For that I hold a grudge."
And what will I do?
For the judge shall smite me sore.
I shall go, I shall go, and shall I pay?
The last cent to the bone ensure?
And sit in my captive bonds
And wait my trial to die?
Or shall I, or shall I
Like Apollonius, in rapture fly?
II
And then I see an Ace,
Top of every field.
He was smarter than the average bear
And had perfect scores to weild.
He went to college apropos,
And submitted his interesting say.
He was a scholar superior,
And all his words and math were fae.
And he could do it, better than all
A great Journeyman at sixteen.
But, then the college caused him to fall
And rejected his wishes like thieves.
They with lies, spun so well
Tormented him with the truth.
No matter how good or swell
You can't achieve unless you have proof
Of your pedigree, not your science,
For the colleges rule the roost.
My words I find, are fayest of all,
But like him I am cast down for truth.
For if they say, they can deny
And no matter how hard you try
The further you climb, like Sisyphus
The further the rock shall slide.
And thus, like him, with perfect choices
Pushes up the slope of change;
He the greatest of them all
Pushes up his success, which are chains.
There he stands like Prometheus
Only wishing to give the world fire.
The college board plucked out his eyes,
For they all were dirty liars.
He wishes to understand the lay
And to know how his world works.
A mathematician's mind you see
Wants to know of mankind's great force.
Thus, he learned the first lesson
Two wills are stronger than one.
And I say, my friend, listen close
That is why he must cleave to God and His Son.
Psalter of the Fig
A midrash, mimicking biblical poetry. As I often say, no work of mine is scripture. This is merely an interpretation of the Bible, and the authentic feelings I have. A midrash is a kind of interpretive form, created by the Jews, where a person creatively explores the concepts of the Bible, and considering I'm a Christian, I'm merging Old and New Testament prophecies together into a synthesis, using Old Testament Prophetic Language, with New Testament Themes.
Also, to explore how books like the Koran or Book of Mormon can explore similar language to that of the Bible, as an experienced writer can write like that. As Hemingway pointed out. "I can write like God, but I don't." A gifted writer can write like the passages of the Bible, so remember scripture isn't because of its tone, but because it is a witness, and can be proven to be so.
This Generation Seeks Me With their Lips
"This generation seeks me with their lips
"But not with their hearts
"They change the prophet's words in order to confound him
"And say, 'he will neither notice, nor take care.'
"Who, I ask you, Who brings the sun through its course?
"Who waters the lilies, and causes the wetlands to dry up?
"Who causes the rains to fall in one place
"Upon the forests, and yet they do not bear their leafs?
"I, the LORD your God."
I heard this and sat in wonder,
Seeing the almighty acts of the LORD
Who to this day was good to me
And has not filled my heart with sorrows.
The nations bray and burst into laughter
When they hear the awesome wonder of our God.
But, I say, it is they who are deceived.
Does not rain fall in one place
And not another?
Does not the warmth shine in one place
And not another?
Is there not cold in places where it is warm,
And warmth where it should be cold?
Do the nations truly deceive themselves
To consider that they truly understand this?
For it is the wrath of the LORD,
And no thing else
That causes my lands to dry up.
I watch, and am sore vexed
As pools of water fill the gullies
But where are the budding flowers?
Are they not in Shevat?
Why then do the nations say,
"Aha! Our idols have told us so!
"We are sore vexed, let us fix it by making the nations even more poor!"
Yet it is because of your idolatry,
And nothing else.
For your dishonoring the Sabbaths
And violating the workers' rights.
For, one man is deathly ill
And you provoke him to come in and do his task.
Another is healthy, but he does not come into work.
One man says, "I wish to have off on the Sabbath."
And the nation laughs him to scorn.
On your holidays, yes, even these,
All men go about their business
Buying and selling, and having no rest.
Therefore the land has no rest,
And it mourns.
Do the flowers bloom in Shevat?
Do they not sleep?
Do the little animals frolic in the winter?
Why then, do you wander to and fro
Looking for you food, and do not take wonder
At the strange thing the LORD has done?
For you wish to place Baal at every street corner.
Must I be like a diviner
And tell you what is not true?
Tell you strange enchantments to get you to listen?
Must I talk to the flowers
And pretend like they listen?
No, for the LORD has told me.
He is sore wroth at this generation
Who has not the rest of the LORD.
To and fro they go,
Therefore, the forests are become a desert.
And the deserts a forest.
The peoples who have not known His name
Shall know it, and the peoples who honor Him
With their lips shall stop taking the name of the LORD on them.
For they are deceitful.
Do not the nations know that the LORD is God?
Yes, they do know, but they stiffen their necks.
Who is it, I ask you, that brings the rains?
Who brings the circle of the earth to bear
And brings light in due season
And shuts up the light in due season?
Is it not the LORD Who created man and the earth?
Why then are you so mad?
Why do you drive your wagons to and fro
Going place to place
Roaring like a lion fed in the wildernesses?
This people dishonors their God
And they take the name of the LORD falsely
Upon their lips.
This prophet shall be at rest.
He shall eat, shall he not?
And even if it is not so,
He shall rest, knowing the wrath of the LORD
Is upon this nation, and he will sleep
And know that the LORD is God.
The evidence is all around you
Why do you not look?
Did you seek God?
Is this why you said, "I cannot see Him."
Is this why you offer incense to that shameful thing Baal?
"Come together, and let us reason,
"Though you sins were red as scarlet
"Yet will I make them white as snow."
Yet, men said to themselves,
"My sins are not scarlet
"They are mine, and mine to bear."
Therefore, you must bear them
Shameful nation of the Philistines.
Had not the LORD spoken
Yet the prophet sealed the vision?
It was sealed for your hardheartedness
Yet none speak the Words of the LORD
Which are loving-kindness to the generations that seek Him. Selah.
Therefore, repent, and throw from yourselves the idols you carry.
Throw them into the waters,
Like the priests of Rome.
For even they, whom the whole world scorns
Know the LORD is awesome and mighty.
They fear Him, whom Israel says, "These are sinners worse than us."
Are they Israel? Is not Judah suffering from an unrighteous king
And yet the priests perform the rituals, and they throw away the abominations?
They live poor, and they minister like workers to cleans the sinners?
What does Israel do, but call the police on the innocent man for a word?
What does Israel do, but band together and stiffen their necks against the prophets?
Yet, I say to you, greater woes come if there is no rest.
This prophet will return to his LORD with an ill report about this generation
Who had not liberated him,
But rather loved to have him poor.
"How have we not liberated him?"
By words accountable, you had not laid accusations
Against the government that did this.
Which professes "Freedom" when there is none.
For this, you band together with arms
Which is just what Satan wanted!
No, I say, repent, in dust and ashes.
You grow worse with every folly
And you grow more cold with every sin.
Rather, a man's work is to be eaten from
And where is this prophet's work?
It is spoiled by Jackals
And you all know just who they are.
Yet you say, "Let us fight!"
No... For then you will lose.
The Assyrian will be broken by the sword
And by the exorcise of laws.
Yet, my people would not have it.
Therefore, this prophet will rest.
What will you do?
Continue to go to and fro
Eating and drinking,
Marrying wives and blessing children.
Mixed wine is in your cups.
Therefore, the nations who have not known the LORD
They shall seek Him and they shall find Him.
Woe to the generation who rejected the LORD their God
Mighty to save and compassionate to a thousand generations.
Was not my command to you that you be charitable?
Yet, you say, "Charity is weak."
Is charity weak? Is it an abomination
To give to those less fortunate than you?
Must you, in your vanities
Perform the service of healing,
Yet heal it superficially?
The daughter was violated
Yet you say to her, "Be still, for it is of none affect."
The man was falsely accused,
Yet you say to him, "It will be alright. Be at peace."
Yet, with what little abundance they had
They gave to the poor, therefore they will be at rest.
What of you, nation of hypocrites?
Your offerings were to the priests
But what of the poor?
The poor you cast off your stoops.
The poor you called "Degenerate"
"Liar"
And "Lazy."
Must I prophesy to you?
Is Esdras in your holy scripture?
Is there not prophecy in it?
Is there not prophecies all around you
To testify the power of the LORD Almighty God?
Does not God show Himself through these things?
How you judge a prophet for a little error of wording
Yet you, by your great abundant hypocrisies
Speak foolishness to thousands?
You tell them, "God loves the powerful one."
You tell them, "God is with the one whose arm has brought him all things."
Yet, to the poor digging through your garbage you say,
"Get away! Even our garbage is too sacred for you beggars."
When will this generation learn?
Did not the prophet set examples for you?
When to follow laws,
And when not to?
When to give, and what to give
And how did he give of his sustenance what he could afford?
You call him lazy, yet he works every day
Silently finding the truth, seeking his God
Finding wisdom, and telling it to you?
If he has one fault
And LORD knows what it is,
What faults do you have?
If he has spoken falsehood
It shall fall upon his head,
Yet why do you listen to him
Secretly in his bedchambers?
Is this the light of God?
To spy upon the innocent
And lay to bear his every word
Like you yourselves were God?
Hypocrites!
For the nations are filled with wrath
And the poor man is still not fed.
Was there not one commandment given to you
Above the rest? Who clothed Christ? Who fed Christ?
Who visited Christ in Prison? Who healed Christ when he was sick?
Who had comforting words for Christ? Was it any of you?
Yet you call yourselves greater than this man who speaks to you,
Who did all these things.
You call him a liar for speaking words in utterance hastily.
While you bring it to pass.
Hypocrites. Idolaters. Thieves. Jackals. Serpents.
These words mean nothing to you
Therefore, a new generation will serve the Almighty
And you will altogether go to the pits.
Truth
The LORD destroys those who seek Him,
And established the wicked.
He gave grace to the prideful,
And the prize to those who made war.
He graced the wicked man, and made him ruler.
He gave His people over to the curse.
"Seek, Seek, Seek!"
I have sought, and I have found,
And the LORD has wounded me,
And has made my disease worse every day.
He has caused my kith and kin to hate me
And has taken away even what little I had.
God established the wicked, and gives grace to the sinner.
Those who wish to walk in his statutes are cursed.
Yet I said in my heart, "It is not so!"
Yet it is so, for I suffer and am made a prey.
The LORD lives, but He is mighty
And exalts the wicked and destroys those who seek Him.
He hid Himself from all, and made His face veiled by a dark cloud.
He allowed His adversaries to destroy His Law
And disgrace His Tabernacles.
He allowed the proof of His divine order to fade,
And has given witness that the wicked rule the Earth,
And He has given them power over men, to rule for one hour.
Lament, oh Zion, pipe like a horn, and cry out o Daughter of my people!
What have we done? We sought you early, and have sought
And have made it our labor, and you gave it to the dogs to devour.
You caused witches to curse us to our faces
And have caused mages to soothsay before us continually.
Our minds have been destroyed, and there is no more proof of Your kindness.
Therefore, to the righteous of the Earth, shelter yourselves for a little while,
And it will pass. Hold fast your virtue, for things have not turned.
Satan has been given power for a little while.
Go into your closets, shut the doors, and be silent.
Hold fast to mercy, and peace, and truth, and righteousness, and wisdom,
And cry out to God, though He allow our adversary to prosper but a little while.
He shall be crushed, and soon we shall say, "Where is the wicked?"
For they shall be no more, who oppressed the Daughter of my People.
Oh My People
Do you not know, oh Daughter of my people,
That working does not save?
Yet you cry, "Then what about righteous deeds?"
Do you not know, oh Daughter of my people,
That your own works cannot save?
Yet you cry, "But I thirst for what's good."
Then listen oh Daughter of my people,
Christ is the Rootstock, and you are the Scion.
Let your wisdom flow from Him,
For the multitudes of arguments cannot win,
For the ungodly have no proof for reason.
Rather, let your Spirit flow with blessing,
And flow with the Father's light.
Be grafted into the Rootstock,
And let your sap be sweet
So you bear hearty fruit,
Choice on the vine,
And savory and sweet.
Oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem
Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem,
I have caught your face at a glance.
Did you come to receive me,
And was I gone from my nest?
A little bird, would you gather me
Yet I was gone too long!
And Your word was trampled upon the street
And the heathen were enraged.
They sought my life, to destroy it,
And they put many into the furnace that day.
The smell was unusual,
And a great stink arose from the ashes.
Yet, we patiently await righteousness,
And do no work.
We lay off our burdens from our shoulders,
And we rest in You, and You alone, oh Christ.
For mercy was seeking for me,
And I saw her face, and it was beautiful among 10,000.
Peace, she comes close behind,
And wisdom closer still...
Be still in the LORD...
For He shall strengthen you.
Do not worry, or fret,
And do not put the fetter over your neck,
For His yoke is light, and His burden easy.
You do not have to do a thing...
Rather, ask the LORD to be grafted in the vine,
And await for His righteousness to rain down upon you.
And then rest... o fool! Until the LORD fulfills His covenant with Jacob.
The Remnant
Lord, be attentive to those who desire Thy Mercy,
For we do not know, no, we do not know
Whether good or evil awaits us.
We sit and tremble at Thy Word,
And the Daughter of Zion is a hog strapped upon a horse's back.
Thy Shepherds cry for gain, and for income
And shame the poor in his counsel, and await on God
To restore him, but do not raise the banner against the foe.
They cry “Chariots of Iron are in the Valley”
Yet, lo, it is for their own shame, and not Thy Servant's.
Be attentive to the prayer of him who desires to fear Thee always
And He who desires to honor Thy commands,
Though he be weak, and frail, and unable to accomplish,
Yet if he were meek, and Your people obstinate,
Be always attentive to his prayers, and do not rebuke him in Thy hot anger.
For if he build upon the rock, he shall persist.
If the heart cries “Abba Father” the residue of the Spirit
Remains in him, and there is a salvation.
Therefore, call upon the LORD now, while there is yet hope,
And take Thy income in the hearafter.
But, if a grain offering remain, rejoice.
For His yoke is light, and unburdensome.
Have clean conscience, and wash, and rejoice...
No thing you do can separate you from your God, if you hold tight to His commandments in your heart.
Though the design of the evil one is to destroy you,
And the shepherds are like the counsel of demons,
Remember, thou black sheep,
Thy reward is not here, but there.
And if thou get a reward on Earth,
Eat with trembling, and remember the poor in your blessing.
Amen.
The Talents
Lord, this generation have sought You with their lips
But Thou art wearied by them.
"Thy ministry is unfruitful" Why doth the slothful shepherd say so?
Because there is no gain for the servant?
Yet, this servant has invested his master's five talents
And has earned two hundred.
Yet, because he has no sustenance for his mouth
You call his work unfruitful.
This is that generation.
Repent.
We Like to Believe that Talent Is Nurtured, but Really, Professionals Are Those Born with the Talent Already, and Matured Over Twenty Years.
Paul Knew Eyewitnesses, Ergo So Did Luke.
Evidence for the Bible
A ton of it, It’s actually a lot of evidence.
Evidence that Demands a Verdict by the Mcdowells.
Evidence That Demands a Verdict
Evidence That Demands a Verdict: Life-Changing Truth for a Skeptical World By Josh McDowell, Sean McDowell
https://books.google.com/books?id=OhGJDQAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=evidence+that+demands+a+verdict&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiH56ygjs7_AhXMtokEHY65DmYQ6AF6BAgJEAI#v=onepage&q=evidence%20that%20demands%20a%20verdict&f=false
Expedition Bible.
Expedition Bible
Expedition Bible brings you the teaching of Joel Kramer, a biblical archaeologist and former expeditioner in his younger years. Joel teaches by "taking you into the Bible," showing you Biblical sites, and giving you context, evidence, and experience to understand Scripture more profoundly. Watch, learn, and be encouraged as Joel lays out the evidence for the historicity, authenticity, and authority of the Word of God.
https://www.youtube.com/@ExpeditionBible
Where God Came Down
While residing in Jerusalem for nearly ten years, Joel Kramer earned an M.A. in archaeology from the University of the Holy Land. Studying under world-renowned archaeologist Dr. Shimon Gibson, Joel gained valuable field experience excavating in Jerusalem, Bethlehem, and Ai. Currently, Joel is an adjunct professor for Shepherds Theological Seminary in Cary, NC, while living in Amman, Jordan, with his wife and three children. In addition to speaking, teaching, and leading biblical study tours, Joel continues to research, write, and participate in various archaeological projects.
https://books.google.com/books?id=QofRzQEACAAJ&dq=when+God+Came+Down&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwikidz1iseFAxUmHjQIHYBdCZ8Q6AF6BAgLEAI
The Case for Christ.
The Case for Christ
The Case for Christ: A Journalist's Personal Investigation of the Evidence ... By Lee Strobel
https://books.google.com/books?id=Qtij8BIhGpcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=the+case+for+Christ&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwilyey1js7_AhUGlokEHUfYB0sQ6AF6BAgCEAI#v=onepage&q=the%20case%20for%20Christ&f=false
Cold Case Christianity.
Cold-Case Christianity
Cold-Case Christianity: A Homicide Detective Investigates the Claims of the ... By J. Warner Wallace
https://books.google.com/books?id=GtQdNxDsXTsC&printsec=frontcover&dq=cold+case+Christianity&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjNmIfCjs7_AhVCkYkEHdhpDhIQ6AF6BAgGEAI#v=onepage&q=cold%20case%20Christianity&f=false
Here’s another great Channel called Testify that I just stumbled upon and adore.
Testify
I explain why you can trust the New Testament and believe Jesus' resurrection. William Paley is my homeboy. John 19:35: "And he who has seen has testified, and his testimony is true; and he knows that he is telling the truth, so that you may believe."
https://www.youtube.com/@TestifyApologetics
There’s even Catholic monks that’s all they do, is find that stuff. And they’re really good at it.
The fact is, the market demands that God doesn’t exist, so that’s the information that people get. Things like Bart Ehrman or Richard Dawkins. But, the fact is Bart Ehrman is usually wrong, and Richard Dawkins is not a Religions Scholar.
So, generally, there’s a lot of evidence that shows the Bible is historically reliable. You can actually go on my blog, and see.
That’s my own scholarship on the issue. You can also check out my podcast:
Evidence for the Exodus
B. K. Neifert · Episode
https://open.spotify.com/episode/247ifjTSsA77WjSmvsXKCl
Evidence for The Book of Genesis
B. K. Neifert · Episode
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6JduyyL2WAmDqOqxbiRVbD
https://brandon.water.blog/2023/11/12/a-body-of-evidence-2/
You can listen to Through the Bible by Jay Vernon McGee. He often places a strong emphasis on the evidence for the Bible, too.
Click to view
Check out our site here!
https://www.ttb.org/
There’s lots of evidence that the scripture is true. It’s just nobody wants it.
Here’s a link to the Tablet at Ebal and that document, so it can be easily accessed.
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B. K. Neifert
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Was the Bible written post-exile?
No. I asked this question, so I’ll answer it. The Bible was not written post exile. For a number of reasons. 1. The evidence we have that the Bible is contemporary of the events it describes. I’ll post a link to a comprehensive analysis of the evidence I’ve found. 2. The Bible could not have been written post exile, do to a new discovery we’ve made from the Tablet at Mount Ebal. I’ll post a link to the study. So in this study, it actually has pictures of the Tablet in question, and you can see with your naked eyes, from the study, that the Tablet actually says what it does; just compare it to the scans and then look at the imprints on the tablet. This would be dated to the Mid 13th century. Maybe earlier. Which corroborates with a lot of the other evidence for the time of the Exodus and conquering of Canaan Land. The inscription of the Tablet reads: Wicked, Wicked, Wicked, Cursed of that El Yahweh;--- Cursèd deaths await you. Cursed you will surely die You, cursed of Jehovah, Wicked, Wicked, Wicked! We also can date the Torah as being written around the 13th Century BC because of Egyptian Loan Words that were only present in the Late Bronze Age and 18th Egyptian Dynasty, which was at the exact time of the Exodus. Also, the Jews were a people who did cross into Egypt. There’s a semitic language group found in Egypt around the time of 1800BC. And we see this from the Wadi El Hol. This inscription was found on cave walls in Egypt, and dated to about 1800bc. So, the Jews are a pre-Exile people, and they were worshipping the Lord Yahweh before even Zoroastrianism.
https://biblearchaeology.org/
No. I asked this question, so I’ll answer it.
The Bible was not written post exile. For a number of reasons.
1. The evidence we have that the Bible is contemporary of the events it describes. I’ll post a link to a comprehensive analysis of the evidence I’ve found.
https://qr.ae/pyPa1i2. The Bible could not have been written post exile, do to a new discovery we’ve made from the Tablet at Mount Ebal. I’ll post a link to the study.
https://heritagesciencejournal.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s40494-023-00920-9
So in this study, it actually has pictures of the Tablet in question, and you can see with your naked eyes, from the study, that the Tablet actually says what it does; just compare it to the scans and then look at the imprints on the tablet. This would be dated to the Mid 13th century. Maybe earlier. Which corroborates with a lot of the other evidence for the time of the Exodus and conquering of Canaan Land.
The inscription of the Tablet reads:
Wicked, Wicked, Wicked,
Cursed of that El Yahweh;---
Cursèd deaths await you.
Cursed you will surely die
You, cursed of Jehovah,
Wicked, Wicked, Wicked!
We also can date the Torah as being written around the 13th Century BC because of Egyptian Loan Words that were only present in the Late Bronze Age and 18th Egyptian Dynasty, which was at the exact time of the Exodus.
Also, the Jews were a people who did cross into Egypt. There’s a semitic language group found in Egypt around the time of 1800BC. And we see this from the Wadi El Hol.
This inscription was found on cave walls in Egypt, and dated to about 1800bc.
So, the Jews are a pre-Exile people, and they were worshipping the Lord Yahweh before even Zoroastrianism.
https://www.google.com/search?q=dinosaurs+on+ancient+pottery&sca_esv=54fcc75b4f72cd60&sxsrf=AHTn8zoNVhGaUegww8ruFo75jyPNGBIIig%3A1739490590121&ei=HoWuZ9KJB-Ku5NoPvOPNgAQ&oq=dinosaurs+on+ancie&gs_lp=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&sclient=gws-wiz-serp
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-24th_century_BCE_climate_anomaly
https://www.google.com/search?q=are%20there%20fossils%20on%20mount%20everest&sca_esv=54fcc75b4f72cd60&sxsrf=AHTn8zrk7-EeeAL8im_2mzvL2l80rKIW_g%3A1739491205052&ei=hYeuZ4HkAvai5NoP9eizqAE&oq=are%20there%20fossils%20on%20mou&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiGGFyZSB0aGVyZSBmb3NzaWxzIG9uIG1vdSoCCAAyBRAAGIAEMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgsQABiABBiGAxiKBUjzK1CZA1iWGHABeAGQAQCYAY0BoAGUDKoBBDE2LjK4AQHIAQD4AQGYAhOgAvQMwgIKEAAYsAMY1gQYR8ICChAjGIAEGCcYigXCAgoQABiABBgUGIcCwgILEAAYgAQYkQIYigWYAwCIBgGQBgeSBwQxNS40oAedgAE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp
https://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=peleg&version=KJV
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2040%3A17&version=KJV
Some of the evidence for the book of Genesis.
https://isac.uchicago.edu/sites/default/files/uploads/shared/docs/mad2.pdf
https://www.academia.edu/22455640/Lipit_Ishtar_Codex_Text_Summerian_English_orginal_transcription
https://www.jstor.org/stable/275162
Above description, of E. B. Renaud's discovery, as elaborated by Robert F. Heizer and Richard K. Beardsley.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VS-sKQwB-fc
Renaud, E. B. 1929: Prehistoric Female Figurines from America and Old World. Scientific Monthly, 28, pp. 509-12
https://web.archive.org/web/20070212122549/http://www.knowledge.co.uk/sis/abstract/courty.htm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mid-24th_century_BCE_climate_anomaly
https://www.academia.edu/25453934/Why_we_shouldn_t_ignore_the_mid_24th_century_BC_when_discussing_the_2200_200_BC_climate_anomaly
https://iranicaonline.org/articles/elam-i
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naqada_culture
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerzeh_culture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDu2rUoT2NM
https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/ht/02/sa.html
https://jashow.org/articles/the-evolution-of-life-probability-considerations-and-common-sense-part-3/#cite_note-12
https://www.jmtour.com/personal-topics/evolution-creation/
Evidence for the Exodus.
https://penelope.uchicago.edu/josephus/apion-1.html
Amenophis is another name for Amenhotep III.
https://bibleinterp.arizona.edu/sites/bibleinterp.arizona.edu/files/docs/Noonan.pdf
https://jbqnew.jewishbible.org/assets/Uploads/454/jbq_454_FriedmanAmenhotepzz.pdf
https://www.galaxie.com/article/bspade07-2-02
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqIz9vjjtDs
Also, there are chariots, animal and human carcasses found off the Coast of Newiebu Beach, which have been excavated by three separate research teams, dated to the 18th Egyptian Dynasty.
Translation of the Peace Treaty of Kadesh
https://corum.ktb.gov.tr/EN-61494/kadesh-war-and-peace-treaty.html
For those wondering why this is a broken link, the former was a legitimate website, where they had photos of chariot wheels and other things at Ra's Gharib. They are hiding the truth from you. You've been warned.
And now Christians are lying about it, too. We're in the end times, folk. Just buckle up. And he who loses his life shall gain it, and he who gains his life shall lose it.
Hebrew Writing on Egyptian Artefacts, found in Sinai Peninsula
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serabit_el-Khadim_proto-Sinaitic_inscriptions
Graffiti in an inscription on Sinai 357 Stone that may indicate it's from Moses. Possible Evidence of Slavery, too, as it came from a Turquoise mine.
https://www.patternsofevidence.com/2025/06/13/proto-sinaitic-inscriptions-at-the-sinai-mines/
https://sites.utexas.edu/scripts/files/2020/10/2016-AWW-Sinai-357.pdf
Some of the evidence for the Bible's Authenticity.
Before it goes missing, here is a link to the research which went into the Lead Tablet at Ebal. You can see, plainly, the letters on the tablet, and how scientists can't say it's like a "Rorschach"; you can see with the naked eye it's pretty obvious.
https://heritagesciencejournal.springeropen.com/articles/10.1186/s40494-023-00920-9
https://biblequery.org/Bible/BibleCanon/EarlyChristianNTGridReferences.html
https://www.catholic.com/tract/the-divinity-of-christ
https://brandon.water.blog/2026/04/26/tel-hamam-trinitite/
Special the Pleco
All my life, my dad had a hexagonal fish tank, that has housed dozens of aquariums. Periodically, it sits in storage, and then gets set back up. We've had African cichlids, angels, swordtails, Jackdempsies, Oscars, tetras, rams, tricolar and rainbow sharks, corydora and pictus catfish, but every tank always had a Pleco. And this tank was no different. But, this Pleco, was different than all the others. We named him Special, and the first weeks of having him, he liked to feed in the filter. Well, seeing that when he got a lot bigger, he might knock the filter off the tank, I flicked him in the back, to scare him. And scare him I did--had I known--the fish was traumatized, I thought, for life. He wouldn't come out from underneath his log; he would skitz out every time someone came near the tank. And for a long time he was like this.
Well, Special was such a frightened fish, that sometimes at night, he would panic, and rush so hard that it would cause a wake, that spilled water out of the tank. We didn't know what to do with him. For a few weeks, we thought to get rid of him, because the water could drip into the light socket, and start a fire, but nobody wanted to take him back. So, we were stuck with him. And good thing, too, because he is an interesting fish.
Well, today, Dad was doing his monthly cleaning of the tank, and the water and filter change, and I noticed something odd. Special's fin was up, as Dad was siphoning out the water. And not only that, Special was playing a game, where he'd move into the area that Dad was about to filter, and with his fin up--almost like he had a sense of humor--he lay there, and laugh. He wasn't afraid at all. It's still Special, he does the same bizarre top feeding that no other Plecostomus did. He still hides underneath his log all day. But he's completely different. And I suddenly realized... his trauma was soothed. What hope have we, now, that our early childhood traumas can be soothed by a gentle hand, and years worth of building trust?
Such hope I have, seeing Special the Pleco today, not afraid of my dad's hand, and even jesting with him in a sort of bottom feeder way. And I realized, our traumas can be soothed too, by a gentle hand, and a slow build up of trust. We can be just like him, and healed through kindness.
So therefore, be kind. As Paul said in his epistles, there is never a law against it. So you will heal others, too.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Neo-Formalism
Neo-Formalism: An art movement that deals with structure, form and logic, seeking interpretation through authorial intent, biography, and history as a context, but also accepting classical formalism and postmodern interpretations as a means to find true meaning and wisdom in a text. Particularly, as a rebellion against the stale and perfunctory amorality and clutter of modern art movements, using Form, Aesthetics and Meaning as a rebellion.
At Some Point, You Just Got to Realize, Some People Will Not Listen to Reason, and Will Deny the Hard Proof Right in Front of Them. And You Know What? It Makes You Doubt, Doesn’t It?
Homosexuality is a sin, because when it is dominant in a culture, everyone becomes like Nabal.
The Questions I Ask and the Evidence I Hold Onto
The Questions I Ask
Why don't people see what's right from wrong?
Why do people hurt one another?
Why do people not believe in Jesus?
Why are people so evil?
Why are questions deemed more noble than the answer?
Why is everyone a skeptic of what's plainly true?
Why does everyone need to be taught by one another?
Why does everyone have to reinvent a system of morals?
Why do the most intelligent men find answers?
Why do governments oppress people?
Why is freedom of speech not a given in every country on Earth?
Why is the Human Rights Charter ignored?
Why is the Constitution ignored?
Why did men in the seventeen hundreds know our rights were unalienable, when now that's even questioned?
Why doesn't everyone say, "Give me liberty, or give me death?"
Why is everyone a coward?
Why is everyone morally bankrupt?
If there were a righteous man within a hundred miles, let me find him.
If there were a wise woman within a thousand miles, let me find her.
The rights of the people are infringed, and I'd like to know why.
Why are sales more important than content?
Why is poetry considered "Untrue"?
Why do people believe that words have no meaning?
If this sentence were understood, doesn't that insinuate everything we question about meaning is a lie?
Why do strings of meaning tap into the Logos of the universe: Why is Lucretius discovering Newtonian Physics, and Milton hypothesizing the Atomic Bomb?
Why do poets prophesy?
Why is Love the muse of the great ones?
I can answer this, but it still has even greater mysteries.
Why is math more precious than language arts these days?
If people read more poetry, wouldn't they have less time for idle minds?
Why do Literary Critics snob at the greatest letters?
Why does everyone have a different opinion, and why are they often wrong?
Why can't people relate to the real world?
Why is beauty not patronized in the arts?
Why is truth so self evident, yet everyone pretends it not to be so?
Why are we born knowing the way, and how do we stray from that path so quickly?
Why are Tao and Logos so similar?
Why are the sages always affirming what the Bible says?
If the Roman Church burned all the books, why were they so careful to preserve them?
If the Library of Alexandria wasn't burned, would we have any more noteworthy classics still being read today? Likely, I deem it not.
Why do the stars tell the story of Jesus?
Why is there so much proof that Jesus is the Christ, yet everyone pretends like it isn't there?
More importantly, do people know the proof that Jesus is the Christ, and maybe they aren't pretending?
Will God damn someone for ignorance?
This I don't know.
Why is racism a worst crime than theft these days?
If Racism were a three, cussing would be a two, and homosexuality would be a ten; yet, we have it all backward.
Why is adultery considered noble, when it obviously hurts so many people?
Why is Homosexuality considered noble, when no society can function justly which accepts it?
Those and many like it are the questions I ask.
Questions for poets.
Evidence
When I look into a baby’s eye,
When I see coefficients can be used to find the area of any quadrilateral,
When I look into the moon against a blue sky,
When I see Pi is a circle’s circumference if the diameter is one,
When I see lines, arranged, follow certain rules when taking shapes,
When I see a sentence can always be understood, regardless of syntax,
When I see moral philosophers discovering the very principles Christ taught,
When I see ancient myths of resurrections,
When I see miracles described by Plutarch,
When I see the ramifications of bad philosophies on the world,
When I see the effects bad behaviors have on societies,
When I see Christ prophesied in the Old Testament,
When I see genuine human kindness, oh how rare it’s become!,
When I see the stars and Niagara falls with the feelings they arouse,
When I see genuine romantic love that will persist,
When I remember peace,
When I watch a movie, and the good men kill evil ones,
When I see people who want to love themselves are the most selfish,
When I see falsehoods spring up into popular ideology, and they warp society into melancholia,
When I see nobody is happy, but I remember a time when they were,
When I felt the love of my family, my grandmother, my grandfather, my aunts and uncles,
When I see morals are certain because behaviors have consequences,
When I see selfishness hurts people, and twists all of society into a deep sadness,
When I see lustful people are vexed all the time, and filled with anxiety and bitterness,
When I see prideful people are loved for a short time, but it’s only because everyone has too much pride,
When I see science calls evil things good and good things evil---I say to myself, "That can’t be right",
When I see rainbows, saw cicadas in 1996, see the diamond of life within an Animal’s mien,
When I remember being a baby, and not being an Atheist, but rather I talked directly to God,
When I see beauty is symmetrical and beauty is health,
When I see the colors of wildflowers and the bees pollenating them;
What caused the bee to fly and need plant nectar?,
What caused the beginning of the world?,
What reason do we grow colder the further we drift from Christ?,
What reason do the men claim there is no God, when their very breath is the evidence?,
What reason do we believe our consciences cannot perceive the real world?,
What reason do we pervert our nature to cause ourselves suffering, but then lie to and say we do not suffer?,
What reason do we say "Morals are universal," when the only moral men agree upon is "Thou Shalt not Kill?,
How long will it be when even that moral is no more?,
How many times must we witness a miracle, before we can stop rationalizing to ourselves that there is no God?,
How many beloved Christians have to die for the faith?,
Why did St. Paul and the other Apostles die for Jesus?,
Why is it said that Christ never existed, when His birth and death records are so stored in the Vatican?,
Why does Christ’s death record say "He who claimed to be the Son of God," if not for Roman Conspiracy?,
Why did Rome spread a rumor and say the Apostles overwhelmed Centurions?
Why need this lie if He did not exist? ,
Why need this lie if He did not raise from the dead?,
Why are so many in self deceit and unhappy, when they can loose themselves from the bonds of Sin?,
Why are there righteous men who suffer, if not because Christ had said it?,
Why are there evil men who prosper, if not because Christ had said it?,
Why do we all know right from wrong, until we start claiming that neither can be truly understood?,
Why do we claim there is nothing certain, when there are many certain things?,
Why do we claim reason is subjective, if not only because we ourselves cannot understand?,
If we cannot understand something as simple as the meaning of a sentence, then how can we claim there is no God?,
That is the evidence I see, and there is much more.
The Mercy Dog
The Mercy Dog
How strange is the war
Which trepanned the heads of men, women, children.
The mercy dog wanders the battlefield of the Somme;
There he lays dying in no man's land.
It is a strange thing, to contemplate.
The dog, the brown of a German's hair,
A hound shaped body, or a mastiff's,
And its red cross upon its shoulder.
It wanders, sniffs out blood
For men---this is the strange thing
See how strange it is
That a man lays dying from the wound
He took from another man---
Why do these men kill?
For Kings, Queens, Democracies,
Autocracies, Panopolies arrayed in rows
Firing mustard gas, its licking smoke
Maddening Prufrock, who probably should have died.
Yet, this man lies dying on the battlefield,
An Irishman, taking a wound in the head.
The mercy dog comes to him,
Lays down, as a bloody hand scratches behind its ear.
Soon, the fingers draw lifeless white,
And they stiffen.
The dog moves to the next body.
How strange it is, that men do this thing.
It is an alien thing that armies move across frontiers
And the obdurate faces of men having raped, murdered, stolen, killed,
They stand in their glimmering rows.
Afterward, their friends are lying dead upon battlements
And the Mercy Dogs, the Chestnut Mastiffs,
Wander to the wounded, wagging its tail
And what a wonder it is, to lie dying on the battlefield
To see life will leave you listless, to where will you go?
Heaven? Hell? You have fought in war;
The mercurial ichor drips from
The heathen gods you have slain.
The dog lays beside you, or it takes your cloth
To retrieve it to the medics, and lead them to your wounded corpse.
It is strange, know how strange it is,
That the man lies there, having been hurt by his fellow man;
He dreams of his Beautiful Redhead
The one he never had
The one he never made love to
The one... it was made his God.
Will he have her in the afterlife?
The dog licks the wounds of the dying man,
Its antiseptic tongue licking away the soreness by its breath
And where does the soul of those slain go
On the battlefield?
Young virgins, only twenty years old
Who have shed blood before the virginal flower?
"I do not want any kingdoms
"Or strange worlds vast...
"Simply, my only desire
"Was to have her naked body in my arms,
"And yet, I die never having shared in her warmth;
"I know not amatory's sting,
"And I die."
Neifert, B. K. “The Mercy Dog.” 2022.
©2022 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
In 75 Years, America Had 3,000% Inflation
Ode to Winter
The frost makes firm the icy lake,
The samara twigs do break off;
The deer and rabbit prints of late
In the snow are made by paws.
The blackbirds sing their songs
And the bear do sleep at ease.
Love is burrowed in the fields
Where some creatures there do sleep.
The insects are all in the ground
And in peace, the trees art bare, surround.
No great thing disturbs me now
As winter is in her hoary home.
The furnace burns, and makes a fire
Keep it stoked at perfect coals.
Great harrowing war echoes there
And great sorrows the people have;
They are actors in great halls
And I feel that I am mad.
For I cannot but see them all.
Their faces are so stiff;
Pleasures are also dried.
I walk along the silvery path
And say, "LORD make me ever wise."
I cry to Him for pleasures true
As the lake whoops so divine.
The foolish of this world do skate
Upon thin ice to see.
That they are fools, but I, but I,
Am the fool of fools indeed.
For Trumpets blast in silence,
And the greatest are made small.
Petulant sinners are so dense
And the leaves do blossom wrong.
In the dead of winter, I at a green leaf pause.
"Why did they not listen? And why were they all false?"
Yet, the rabbit tracks and deer like hooves
Make a satyr print, I find.
The brother deer do lick the ice
And the squirrels there do pine.
And as I walk through this brave new world
I say, "It is not mine and never were."
For the great man wants to steal the prize
And the doctor wants there to be no cure.
Men say "Fascist" in the night,
But both sides are so obscure.
I wish this song were just 'bout winter
But, like Orwell I must be weird.
So, the whooping lake, no preternatural song;
I know 'tis not ghosts and choks.
©2026 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Even to this day you are very angry with us. You have rejected us utterly. Unless! Unless!
Renee Nicole Good
"life is merely
"to ovum and sperm
"and where those two meet
"and how often and how well
"and what dies there[,]" says Renee Nicole Good.
Life is a checkpoint
At an ICE barricade;
Unlawful police
Stopping poet laureates from publishing.
If she read her Bible
Instead of put it in trash bags
To donate...
No, that is my job.
To show the rightwing their error.
I believe in the Bible
And I believe in Biology.
And I believe it was wrong.
You can have no morals without God. For then there is nothing to truly fear. For man might go on with morals for a while, but then choose not to. And then what will you have? Chaos. And then man is also very bad at knowing what those morals are, which he ought to follow.
The Greatest Mistake a Philosopher Makes, is to Critically Think Away the Truth.
The Testament of B. K. Neifert
To recount the pain of my foolish youth,
My foolish life, I shall give a good proof,
Of what not to be at first dawn of light;
What foolish beginnings bring forth great plight.
My first memory was when very young
Drinking a thimble of milk from a thumb,
Sitting in my liar's chair, a child
With great joy, yet I were never mild.
At a young age I sat with my Pop pop,
So serene, looking at the birds, their lot
So free, I would become just like them soon;
We looked at the birds, and could see they flew.
Then I would learn how to count and there spell
I would learn about change, money so fell
That I loved to count and hear my mom read
I loved it so much, to see great stories.
Thus, my mind was born a poet at last
A writer, and nothing more would pass;
For I had one thing I were ever good,
Was be a writer, that is what I should.
But alas, I scorned at all of the meek;
I, pleased by cruelty, was but very weak.
I thought I were strong, but was truly not.
I should have been mild; instead I fought.
And to say at school, I was such a dork;
To do nothing, not even a bit of work.
I sat and played, and gorged on all the arts;
I twiddled my thumbs; none knew I was smart.
Pleasure was my only way, hedonist
I was, and was also gay. The truest
Thing, I felt that wrong amatory young;
A wicked thing, born of a wicked son.
Then, had committed miserable offense,
And ten years later, there was no defense.
I had confessed my every heart felt sin.
Then sinner to saint, I would turn to win.
For I had harmed four goodly hearts it's true;
Once at fourteen and then once as a youth.
And pine over my offense, many years,
I transformed from criminal to saint. Hear!
My journey began when I fell in love;
She were not real, but Beatrice above.
And in that moment my foul heart had gained
A conscience, and a truly better name.
For once wonton and filled with awesome sin,
My heart touched love, and said "Never again."
But, then, in love, I touched another mate;
A few, for I had not been yet made great.
Then, a young man, I lived as a child
And, an adult, still invalid mild.
But, I learned the great, everlasting truths;
And to all good things I put to hard proof.
For God had turned my gravely foolish mind
Into a wiser man, and gave me time.
Thus, for God, and Math and Good I had proved;
All things point to Christ, it's forever true.
For last, I say, a great sinner I am;
What hope have I without the Son of Man?
For with time, and grace, set my mind to prove
That my LORD God Most High was ever true.
©2025 B. K. Neifert
All Rights Reserved
Where To Find My Best Works Updated
Fruitful Years:
Of Theodore Marmaduke
The Odes of Ferguson
A Tale of Seven Kings
The Myth of Subang
A Meditation on Keat's Fall of Hyperion
Transubstantiation
The Muse of the Arabica
The American God
The Children's Crusade
Prince Absalom
O Pilidod Grass, Spread 'pon the Breadth of the Mountain Valleys
Erin O'Conner
The Flying Dutchman and the St. Brier
The Love of Ellavine
The Ballad of Maddok
A Body of Evidence
What I've Seen of Love
Four Musings on Evolution and the Bible
Autobiographical Pieces
Jack Rogers
Storyhouse:
The Odes of St. Clause
Heaven's Imaginings
The City of God
The Jude Play
The Psalter of the Broom
Tall Tales
The Wisdom of B. K. Neifert:
Collected Maxims
Hyper Modernity
Meditations on Logos
The Little Book of What I Believe
My Politics
Laws of Wisdom---an Essay
A Complete Analysis of Paradise Lost
Visual Demonstrations of Basic Math Concepts
My Collected Writing Collections:
Utopia: A World Without Us
The American Civil War
The Elf in Manhattan
The Most Bitter Thought
The Jude Responses
The Tragedy of Joan of Arc
The Ascent of Death
The Jet Car
Man and Wo
Artemis XX
The Third Reich
Ayin and Athrin
Cyrus Versus Caesar Battle Royal
The 90s
My Best Short Stories
Haikus
Songs
Nature's Portraits
Bread of Harvest:
The Master Key: The Orb of Fortuna and Wine of Kairos
The Prose Mythos
Anthem Louise Alcott
Flirtations with A'te:
Why I'm a Christian
Prose Poems
Animal Fables
Nature's Symbols (A Year's Worth of Nature Poetry)
A Collection of Some of My Best Poems (2017 - 2025)
Some Writings From When I Was Still in High School (2004 - 2007)
Young Shadows:
The Odes of Brittos
Fairyland:
Prester John
Hymn of the Dark Crusade
Purchase a Copy of My Books Here
https://www.amazon.com/author/broomcrownnewpeace
Instagram Poetry Mockfest
1.
i am power
i am strong
but i am frail in heart
2.
i write like a madman
and get all i want done
but none
3.
a trick a track
i have tracks up my sleeves
not of heroin needles
but needs
4.
do you want to know me
you can't
because i am an enigma to myself
5.
run through the looking glass
i found alice at the bottom of the hole
and then i drank some rum
6.
i literally can write all of this in ten minutes
with just stream of conscious thought
scary ain't it
this is the effort of a grandmaster
or is it the effort of a poser
7.
am i a poser
or am i only realized
when i write platitudes
8.
instagram poetry sucks
i was told
it took me too short to write
give me meter
rhyme
and not just fortune
i stuck to the high ground
9.
it stinks what's been done to the art
but it all dies by offense
10.
i feel the bones of my depression deep
like a knife cutting my skin
and i feel its razor over my blood
dripping down my side
i say i will not commit suicide
for this is only mental anguish
and not blood
11.
the sad thing about instagram poetry
is the most challenging part of writing it
is undoing the punctuation
12.
i am a powerful warrior
but i lost too much time
13.
i spent twenty years to write this poem
only so another could call me a joke
14.
i truly love to write
don't you know
and i am as good as any
but they stalked me like a tiger
and took away my meal
15.
i thought to myself
i am not the greatest
or the best
but then i saw what was being written
and i said i cannot compete
16.
the princess was there
and i wooed her
but she moved to another table
and i was sad
17.
the princess always saves her self
but when will the princess save her boy
18.
we are all lonely in this world
and whos to blame but men who think
procreation is a sin
19.
if i had a dime for every hour spent in misery
i wouldn't be rich
for i know the misery of those beneath me
for an american i am miserable
which isn't much
20.
i cannot write a stale platitude
though i try
and that is why i cannot be famous
i know too much about nuance
21.
full belly full life
do i write like her
and betray myself so it continues
or do i make my own spin
nobody likes it for gratitude is in famine
22.
take the most lucid thought
and dull it
23.
i am blue and wear my glasses
with the tint of green i saw them in oz
green is life blue is sadness
i know not which one to wear
24.
oh please let me write my odes
which let me express the full measure of my thoughts
so i do not get relegated to this
25.
i could literally write fifty of these
in less than an hour
as time to write is only worth every stroke
yet the lioness stole the prey
and mercy stands by waiting for me
Visual Demonstrations of Maths Concepts












Some Glam Shots





My Love
Whoever you are, my honey,
Come and find me, and we shall together
Be satisfied by food borne from this.
You shall sell, and I shall write,
And we both shall buy.
And what is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine
For we shall make it together.
Come find me speedily,
Lest I sleep the cruel sleep of death.
Make wings, and speedily come like an eagle
And revive my youth like Eagle's Wings.
My Doubt
I do believe in God. Rather, I know there's a God. My doubt is that He's good. My other doubt is that He will save me.
My first doubt, that He is good: I love the Bible. I just don't know if the Bible is simply this joke God pulled on human beings, and was like, "Here's the rules, so now I'm going to crush you if you try to follow them." As that's the main point Christians seem to bring up, is that we're saved by "Grace" which ultimately throws away any responsibility. The Law is beautiful--if you understand it fully, and especially if you look closely at Paul's Epistles, it's a beautiful concept. That we're ultimately condemned to die under the perfection of the Law, but God chose to give us mercy. For what reason? Here is where Christians seem to fracture, most think that's all we need, is the gift of God's grace, and there's nothing more to it. Meanwhile, someone who truly desires to be righteous and loves the Law gets crushed by design under the Christian's teachings, who seem to blame suffering on the one who bears it---which is entirely contrary to both Old and New Testament teaching. So, I do not know if Christians have the word of God, and the Bible is false. Or if the Bible is true, and Christians are rather engaged in some worldly religion, about making oneself rich and ignoring the weightier matters of the Law, such as Mercy, Justice and Faithfulness.
My doubt that He will save me. I've made oaths, I've thought impure thoughts, I've almost become shipwrecked, and it's not for lack of wanting the faith, or trying. And I truly desire the fruits of righteousness, and the fruits of truth, but it seemed by manner of consequence, I could never find a true church that taught the full balance of the Gospel, and they all steered me away from what I truly needed. And listening to sermons, they seem to be accusatory of my condition, calling me out for the fact that I am suffering. I do, however, get great comfort in the Bible---as it seems to scream back at the Christians all the time, "The poor and sufferer and needy are who you must uplift! Sorrow is to be expected." But, then the Christians scream back, "He's poor, and meek, and humiliated! Why ought we listen?" So, I don't know if I'm saved on that account, that nobody cared about my soul enough to show me the love of God and also discipline me. It was either too much love, or too much discipline. Which, I say that God's love and discipline are my reason for believing in Him... but at the moment I feel hurt and pain and depression, because the entirety of Christianity seems to run aground, and there's no true preacher within 50 miles. So, I have the radio instead, and it seems they affirm the same message that to be saved, is to prosper in this life. And I feel unsaved because I have none of the things of this world, but rather shame, and confusion, and sorrow. But, then I read the Psalms and Prophets. Those do not shame me. And again I wonder, if God told a joke, and I was just not in on it.