The Law of Attraction is not true. I've seen Coal Miners making cents on the dollars, and die of black lung. People who were better than anyone before or after them. I've also seen billionaires as kings, happy, never lifting a finger all their life ruining everyone but themselves.

I've seen Christians in prison, retain what was good about them. I've seen sinners never rebuked for a single one of their crimes, free as a bird.

On the flip, I've seen really good people in high positions, and very happy and wealthy. And I've seen very evil people low.

Fortune is a cast lot. So is pleasure. So is happiness. You can't will yourself to fortune. No more than you can pass through a brick wall. I've seen very hard work unrewarded. I can think of a man named Jan Ernst who built the Lasting Machine, even got the Patents, and made nothing. And I can think of the guy who robbed him after his death, making a fortune.

This is the real world. It's not fair. Unless we stop having illusions about it, and start making things work the right way. That's our collective responsibility, and why there is justice in the first place.

Earth: Work hard, and strong. Do, instead of think. Do not create. Work. Work hard. Sweat. Achieve. Build.

Wind: Be good, and nice. Love others, and sacrifice yourself for them. Cheer them with kindness, and make them glad.

Water: Be logical, and understand the shapes of nature. Make every detail correct, and work through it accurately.

Fire: See the larger meaning, and why. Know the hidden thoughts shrouded in a word. Connect it to the real world.

Death: Deconstruct all that is in a tradition. Question, and never rebuild. Stay firm in the foundation of nothing.

The Polymath: Is one of these five elements, but learns what they can from the other four.

The Sage: Is up to even four of them at once, but studies where they lack.

The Prodigy: Is all these elements at once, and a complete man.

The owl perched atop the Neighbor's house
Calling for its mate across the way...
Wisdom calls to wisdom in the night.
What is wisdom is often what is understood---
Yet to know, is not the same as to do.
For to teach cunning to the wise man
That is not his art... his art is to learn.
To know sometimes gets in the way of how to do it:
For what we do not know, we do instinctively.
Thus, it is better to do a thing with little knowledge
Of the theory, for the theory teaches us why
But not how. 

                           Wisdom calls to wisdom:
"I am wise because I do."
"I am wise because I know."
The two are perfectly mated
For one will know, while the other will do.
The pair on their migratory path, here every September
Their habitation wide and large.

1. If you fail, bring no one to the dust with you. You have failed. Get back up, and work to restore what was lost.

2. If a friend offend you, forgive him. If an enemy, the same. You may have a friend after all.

3. Do not do a thing, if you will increase worldly sorrows: There is strife for bread, that it is better to die than to strive for it.

4. If there is much sorrow in your bones, and a great feast, stay away from the feast for you will not share the in the party's joy.

5. Remember, my Son, when you fall into misfortune, the LORD will not make you an utter end. When your heart is broken, and your body painful with the sorrows of hell, hold tight and your wisdom will illuminate you.

6. When you fail, do not curse anyone, no not even yourself. When your neighbor fails encourage him: maybe he will try again later, and receive the same reward had he persisted the first time.

7. Ten minutes of lost time, is enough to cause a great calamity. Be on time, or even early. Be in the moment, and not away from it.

8. Do not esteem yourself worthy, when you know you are unworthy. Neither esteem yourself highly, even if you are high. 

9.  Do not esteem yourself unworthy, if you know you are unworthy. Neither esteem yourself low, even if you are low.

10. Neutral is the self that succeeds, neither arrogant in success, nor despaired by defeat.

11. If  you hate yourself, that is just bloated self esteem. What you truly hate is your lack of ease.

12. Great mischief comes from the wound of an ally, and a great calamity falls upon all when allies betray allies. More grievous is that wound, than an enemy's.

13. If your ally wounds you, do not wound him back. Keep the secret, and stay chaste. There may be a hidden reward.

14. There is a sloth, but what business can a man do, when his ally is against him?

15. Do work all that you can, and when the women say "Do not work so hard" listen not to them, they are going to praise you in the end.

16. Even if you leave at an indiscretion, it is better than leaving a mortal blow to the one you love. Leave, and stay silent, and collect yourself, and be generous at the end.

17. An enemy hates you, so reap charity upon him, and heap coals underneath him so he is warm. He will have no reason to harm you.

18. Forgive, even if there is pain in your bones and your enemies seethe to destroy you. Though they cause enchantments to haunt your dreams, know the LORD rewards discipline and kindness.

19. If you fall to the floor, make as small a mess as you can. To heap destruction on others beside yourself, will cause a greater calamity.

20. Let yourself die, and others live. There is reward in heaven for this reason, so we can act in perfect righteousness.

21. Your enemy dies, and he goes to hell. Fear for his soul, and seek to snatch him by the collar---if his coat slips through, it is Judas' noose.

22. If your friends will steal from you, what will your enemies do? Woe to that man, even if he were a righteous son.

23. Wisdom planed the world, and used her scale. Thus, the construction of Space and Time reveal the LORD. 

24. Fill your mind with what is good. The geometer's scale is a fright to the fool, but it is pleasure to the wise.

25. Instead of thinking of fornication and murder, mind your studies in school, young ones. Do this, and you will never err. 

26. All wise men have their things to say, and there reasons for saying it. Mind them, even if you truly hate their wisdom... at the end you will see their sayings, and know wisdom.

27. I saw a man, and called him a fool. Yet, it was the wisest of all sayings: There can be nothing apart from God, and that is what the man had proved, though he did not wish to.

28. All the faculties of a wise man were put to prove the Law of God were false, and he failed. Thus, he went insane for his replacement was unnatural to the conscience of man.

29. Predators eat the prey. The prey fend off the predator with their horns and hooves.

30. A fornicator has no defense. He shall be like a rabbit against a wolf.

31. There is a sprawling bull with deadly horns, who was subdued by a beast. It did not show God's dissatisfaction with the bull. Only that the beast were stronger.

32. Man is clever, and can use his mind to unloose knots or tie them.

33. If there is a great cataclysm, know there is shelter in the LORD's pavilion. He shall have a tent prepared for you, where none shall harm you.

34. When you fail, sometimes the failure was truly a test of your mettle. It may have been designed by God, and a way out of greater misfortune than you knew.

35. If an ally wound you, trust it. It may be for your good, and not for your harm.

36. Trust between men is sacred, and when two trust each other, they shall strive against one who is more powerful than each on their own.

37. Trust between a man and wife is the most powerful of all loves. It is more powerful than the love of a woman for her children.

38. Stay out of trouble, and hide yourself from calamity. You may look foolish for a moment, but wisdom will be with you.

39. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Don't love yourself and then your neighbor.

40. Love the LORD your God better than you do your own earthly sire. Tell Him what you cannot dare tell him in the secret of your closet.

41. Tell each man according to his understanding: A decision is multi sided, and no one will come to understand the whole shape.

42. You will be ruined, if you tell all your heart to every man. No, speak it to the LORD, and tell each man what he will receive in charity. 

"I have two worlds who work off my debts
"To pay for my bag of dreams.
"In the room they came and went
"And my enemy sat by and screamed."

I have forty trillion dollars debt
Which pay interest every day.
Yet, the LORD my God shall be my rent
And for my Dreams His blood shall pay.

A good deed is never enough
Self sacrifice is called "Not love."
Though he be trampled, scorned, and made a gazing stock
The people scorn him, and say he's not worth his lot.
Though poor, and can't afford cigarettes
He wouldn't smoke them, nor invest
If he had money to pay the clime
It's misery to him which he has in time.
All use him, and his every selfish woe
His one request is backbit you know.
Thus, all do laugh and scorn...
Yet, he does it with cheer, and yet you never learn.
He may frown at folly, and fear what's rash
He may, and then they call him trash.
The people hawk and mock and scorn...
Is that the righteous bully we all have learned?
The one who gives his back to scorn
Let him have a little darkness
So we may sweetly learn.
For his heart is pressed to do good deeds...
When he is a little grumpy, don't tease his weeds.
For we all love to mock a righteous man
Yet who is there when you need him? Now understand.

I, in this essay, will consider if I had ever lived a full life. I am poor, with 15 dollars to my name. I have travelled at the furthest, to Kansas City, Buffalo, and Fort Lauderdale. I live with my dad at the age of 37. I have a painful depression, but no anxiety or fear. I have my driver's license. I have written above 5,000,000 good words, and 12,300 good pages. I have written epic poems, novels, short stories, autobiographies, poetry in the Neoclassical and Romantic and Modernist vein. I have invented my own literary philosophy, called Neo-Formalism. I have studied the foundations of Math and Geometry. I reverse engineered Euler's Identity, Completed the Square with no knowledge of the Quadratic Equation, found Pi relates to a Circle's Circumference with a piece of string and quarter, and from studying Euclid's Elements have derived a formula that calculates the Golden Ratio. I have studied three major philosophies, Existentialism, Platonism and Epicureanism. I have read over 50 classics, and have read portions of nearly 100. My depression seems to be physical, associated with my high blood pressure, but I am content. I have schizoaffective disorder. I can cook delicious recipes. I've eaten fine food, and the best local produce. I am not hungry. I am not thirsty. I have a bed. I have nice things. I have good friends. I have good family. 

Considering all of these are the facts about my life, I will reason, because I don't truly know... Had I lived a good life? Travelling to the whole world, from the window of a computer has given me a rich experience, seeing humanity in all her nuances. I have seen the same patterns in history, too, and have comprehensively studied humanity. And I have comprehensively studied God, too. I've comprehensively studied the Sages. So, I will go over the meaning of life:

Wealth and Power: This I have none, and wouldn't want it. I think having wealth and power are a shame, that most people who use it, use it wrong. Some may say I have low utility, therefore, need not have wealth and power. All the same, I don't think life is built around our usefulness. What is it built off of though? That's the question.

Family: I do not have a family of my own. No children, grand children, no spouse. But, I do have a good mother and dad, and a good brother, and good friends. The mean here is where I set, at 37. Neither having a great and sprawling vine from my loins, nor am I disappointed with my lot in life with friends and family. To even have one person you can rely on, is a lot, I have dozens. Because I've learned the art of keeping friends and family, is to forgive them, no matter how deep the wound.

Leisure: Here some may say I have a lot, but I don't. I spend all my time learning, and understanding. To have things to write about, and write about them correctly. Yet, a scholar must have little business, to be in the way of doing their job. Thus, my basic necessities are met, and I am like a Monk, hidden away in an alley, learning the meaning of life, of which I have found it.

Meaning: I have found multiple meanings to life. Pleasure, which I have about half of the world's pleasures. I have found love, which I am buffeted on all sides. I have found God, which is Christ Jesus. And I have found the meaning of life is to Love God with all your Heart, Soul and Mind, and to love my neighbor as myself  Which, who do I love more than myself? Therefore, I ought to love my neighbor that much, and God more.

Learning: Here I have great learning, but what is it all for? What is true today, is not true tomorrow, and what is true yesterday is like it never were. Therefore, I am perplexed. What stays consistent? That I have found two things: The laws of Space and the Laws of God. Wherefore am I content with anything but? Plutarch can tell me about Caesar, but I would need Caesar to tell me about Caesar to know the whole of it. Yet, men witnessed God, and knew Him, and so have I, so I have known God better than Caesar, and that is where my learning comes from.

Love: I have found no greater meaning than love. Desire for a spouse, friendship with a good man, sacrificial love for a stranger, and the familial love toward parents and siblings, and hopefully one day children. What more is there to life? If you never learn the half of the world's mysteries, you are greatly benefited by love. You need no other knowledge, and no other meaning. Thus, I have love in great abundance, so therefore, have loved unconditionally, therefore, have lived fully.

At the conclusion, I truly do see life as meaningless. Empty, hollow and void. Where there is any power, it can be stripped away. Where there is any fortune, it the same. Other wills and other minds stop fortunes, and oppress, and keep those whom they choose to be low or high, at movement or idle. There is no gain in this life, if you seek it. Nothing but the movement of other wills, which keeps a man in his place. If those wills say you have choice, and can be rich, then you are. If those wills say you will fail, then so you do. It is all an illusion. Thus, I have found one thing worthy in life, and that is to love others, and therefore, through loving them, one will love God. And I have worked for this wisdom, the same wisdom I had since a youth, it is the same wisdom I have now. And that is all I've found in life that has meaning. Is my love.

I listen to the most beautiful pour out her woes to me
About a lost lover, and a Christian I do see.
Yet, what is her heartbreak, is so pure---
It is not the swells of hate.
No, my love, keep your youthful bloom,
For you have no enemies irate.

For Christ is mine, and I am His,
And I listen to the shepherds sing,---
Of Songs of Solomon, and the maid,
Of a Bridal loom do spin.
The lace of truth, and the ornaments of grace
I see upon you now,
Oh beautiful among the maidens, thy face is not so proud.

Yet, like a warrior, I fight my battle
And I cast my crown to He.
The war is all around me, and at the end I do sing.
Great are the warfares of precious love and truth.
To keep the love you have for all,
That is what you fight for: prove
To me your worthy brow, by being a righteous maid.
Keep your virgin heart for love
And to the LORD do pray.

For I see your heart is so beautiful,
And your righteous love beats true.
You are often in my prayers my sister
And I speak to you words so smooth.
The glassy eye you have for her
Who sits upon your lap,
Who faithfully looks up at you, that is why I laugh.
Not in mocking, but with joy, for your love is ever true:
Keep that love you have for all, and I shall always love you.

How foolish I was, a small child
Who sought no work to do.
Do you understand, play was mild
And I'd rather that and act like a fool?
Thus, I listened very carefully
And never did any of my work.
I remembered everything happily
But felt it not to prove my worth.
I was kind, and righteous in a way,
Though sinning almost every day.
Then, I turned into a man
And sought to understand.
Beginning I knew naught,
And looked very foolish, though I thought
I were wise, every word I spoke was wrong.
Then, I fell to the floor, and saw my God.
I there, had a seizure, and saw all I would or could.
My eyes were opened, and I now knew I would.
I learned, how I learned, and even tempted by the devil
He came to me so wise, and tempted me with knowledge evil.
But, stalwart, I prayed to my God,
No other source was my wisdom
And no other source was my thoughts.
I learned, how I learned, and the seraphim sung to me.
They sang in my dreams, "We praise Thee" in Latin
And I then started to win.
I read Wordsworth and Euclid
And grew in wisdom wise.
I read the Apostolic Fathers and Apocrypha
And found my religion in these times.
I began to understand, and know the truth it cost.
Where first I found Ecclesiastes
At the last I seek for love.

Brittos: Me facing doubt
Beowulf: Me in faith
Joash: My affinity for Catholics
Prester John: Protestant King
Medea: The Media/Athena
Thor: My rage
Lucifer/Yehonasan: My distrust/Odin
Sphynx: The Zeitgeist
Elves: Delusions of Time Travel/Lust
Orcs: The evil outside of me.
The Orc: My despair
The Ramgrouse: Monsanto/inequity
Unicorn: An impossible task
Pegasus: A token of evil fortune
Sun Wukong: Eastern Philosophy
Mummies: The Fictional Family
Apollo/Nero: My delusion of a doppelganger
Death/Abaddon/Madoc/Leviathan/Chemosh/Tyre-ne-no-og: Death spiritually
Daughter of Babylon: Mercantilism/Consumerism
Nebuchadnezzar: My just suffering
Moab/Bull of Heshbon: Myself as a dictator/my doppelganger self living the life I lost
Rosemonde/Daughter of Moab: My adopted daughters from doppelganger selves/ the Bull's adopted Daughters
Elora: Daughter of Zion and my hope for true love
Dragons/Wyrm: Greed
Giants: Sins too large to conquer
Vampires: Those overtaken by the times
Amazon: Lust and covetousness
Gargoyle: Unrest/Sabbath Breaking
Skeleton: Unknown sins/hidden sins
Baal/Fairy Stones: Smart Phone
Sin: The Sin/god of the World
Imps: Mischief
Gorgon: Dishonesty
Basilisk: Fear of exposure
Manbeast/werewolf: Rage and hostility
Starflesh: My delusion of aliens
 Helen/Tyrus: My phantom girlfriend
Amon: Hitler/Mao/Stalin/Castro
Jezebel: Gossip and slander/false accusations/my reputation
Zoroastrianism: Atheism- From Thus Spake Zarathustra
Nethanim: Guardian angels
Typhon: The impossible suffering
Shaka Zulu: BLM and Antifa
Lucan: My Mom
Charlemagne: My Dad
Gawain: My brother
Caerbanog/Fairy lORD: The false reality created by the Media and Fairy Stones- The lORD over it
Apollos: Me
Paul, James: The influence of the Gospel
Solomon: My friends' conversations
David: Messiah Ben David
Chemosh/Belial: Spirit of the Air/What's Vogue
Siddhartha/Buddha: Buddhism
Mohammed: Islam
Book of Recitation: Koran
Chantz: My childhood/ Named after my Black Lab
Geists: A prevailing ideology that possesses someone
References to Armor: Full Armor of Christ
Spear/Sword: Reflects spiritual wisdom
Shield: Reflects Faith
Silver Sting: My own wisdom from the scripture
Hroethon: My wisdom from the world
Excalibur: Perfected Faith
Robin Hood: The Book of Jeremiah
Arthur: The book of James
Hezekiah: The book of Isaiah
Tavid/Zalmon/Eleazor: My knowledge from the Torah and book of Kings
Ogcragnok: The mystery of 666
Deathrain: The doppelganger's Weapon of Delusion
Gollums: Doppelgangers
Hildskewer: A folkstem
Valkyries: Radical right wing politics
Harpies: Radical leftwing politics
Rezin Mad: Lucifer
Fairies: Screens
Grendel's Daughter-German: Those who seek vengeance
Merlin: Elijah, one of the two olive trees of Revelation
Olgid: Despair and Cruelty
Daetheon: Sloth
Leviathan: Fairy Land
Amarisa: Peace, Love and Joy
New Jerusalem: Heaven/Hephzibah
Moab: The United States/ France
Tyre: England, Wales, Scotland, British Territories 
Ziddon: Ireland
Assyria: China and Assyrian Muslim Nations, and Latin America
Persia: India/Iran/Pakistan
Medes: India
Babylon: Jordan, Iraq, Rome
Egypt: Jerusalem Secular
Sodom: Jerusalem Secular
Greek: The European Civilization
Persia: The Muslim/Pagan civilization
Philistia: Palestine
Edom: Muslim Pacific Islands/Oceana
Arabs: Saudi Arabia, And UAE
Esau: Northern/Western Africa
Jordan: Jordan
Greaea: Evil, as a means of identifying God must exist to stop it
Chok: The distractions that break my verse's form
Judah: Catholics
Israel: Protestants
Ephraim: Orthodox
Judaizers: Hebrew Roots Cults
Ammonites: Northern Germans
Amorites: Southern Germans
Amalekites: Nazis/Pinkos
Ethiopia: Black Africa
The East: Chinses/North Koreans
The Whore of Babylon: Istanbul
Eric the Grave: Thor
Malcolm: The materialist
Nicolaitans: New Apostolic Reformation
Jotunheim: The world of Giants beneath the flat earth cosmology (There's also a Round Earth Cosmology in Artificial Universes)
Snail Jewel: Alien technology that is capable of transforming all matter: Also causes immortality
The Bearded He Goat of Worm: Satan as he appeared to me in a dream
Satyrs: Hellish creatures whose deeds haunt the imagination
Dream Machine: My bizarre dreams and nightmares
Zion: Heaven
Northern King: King of Grecia
Southern King: King of Persia
Zoroastrianism: Islam (Can also be this)
Joan of Arc: A childhood friend who died in a car accident
Prince Richard: Thor
Astyages: Lucifer/Odin
Cyrus: A Version of me who prospers, but loses God
Cambyses II: A weak and futile party in democracy
Darius: A Revitalization of American Exceptionalism
Smerdis: Death
Eshu: The political Divide
Hercules/Natahunt: Omitted
Wearl: A frog thing that I saw during a sleep paralysis attack
Brutess: Queen of Feminists
Nymph/Samodiva: Feminists
Morpheus: Nero, Dream Machine, Death, Fairy Stones, Medea, the spirit of their Power
Aztecs: Amazon Kingdom/Anarchy
Meogic: Unnatural Sciences
St. Clause: Simon the Zealot, one of the Two Olive Trees
Apollo: Nero
St. Jude/Broom Crown New: Me (Note, I'm not literally saying I'm St. Jude, it's just the Judas/Judas theme was where the Doppelganger idea came from)

*Note: Like sometimes in Pilgrim's Progress, the figurative type might be literal, in some instances.


God Gave me All of This!