On Changing My Faith

I’ve changed my religion a few times.

My first faith, was American Paganism. I believed in Astrology, and Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy. That was my legitimate faith. I remember arguing with the Sunday School teacher about it, way back when I was a little boy. I believed in Santa Claus and the Zodiacs and things like that.

Well, I somewhere along the line, got into contact with Jesus—metaphorically speaking, but maybe also literally in some sense of the word—and at my new church, we had Vacation Bible School. And I learned about the miracles of Jesus, and the morals of Jesus, and I just loved Jesus. I would sit and listen to His Parables, and I did not like Paul at an early age. At all. I thought Paul was bad, and bad people needed to be punished. Of course. That’s part of my American Paganism. I hated Paul… I remember running around with my fingers in my ear, whenever Paul was discussed. Because, bad people need to be punished. Hell I was just fine with. I liked the concept of Heaven and Hell, and I was like, “Good people go to heaven, and bad people go to hell.” That was my mind made up. The A-Team shot at the bad guys, and the Ninja Turtles beat them up, and Luke Skywalker did too—I didn’t understand why He didn’t just eviscerate Darth Vader… but then Darth Vader turned on the Emperor, and I was fine with that. Darth Vader did his redemption, and I was happy.

Well… I’d soon sin. Everyone probably will know that about me… about 14 I did something very dangerous and stupid, and Paul started making a whole lot more sense at that moment. It was the beginning of my doubt. So, I’d say I became a Christian the moment I realized that I wasn’t perfect. At all. And I converted to Lutheranism.

Well, the Lutherans betrayed me. Here’s that story:

https://qr.ae/pArEn3

So, I became a Messianic Jew when I saw some moral agent—as I always wanted to be moral, that was the core of why I became a Christian, was I needed a way to express what’s good. And at that point, I became kind of dangerous, and did another bad thing that was about as stupid and dangerous as what I did at 14. So… I really wrestled with the faith. I wanted moral guidance, but my American Paganism was “Bad guys need to be gotten rid of.” That is just the American Way, and what I did was part of that stupid belief structure, that there were some bad people in my eyes, and they needed to pay. For what? That’s neither here nor there, because soon I’d be convicted of four misdemeanors, and start my psychiatric treatment.

So, fast forward, I found out the victim in my first thing was really upset about it, so upon deliberation and trying to talk to her about it, I realized I probably should pay for this. It’d be better for both of them, so I went and confessed. And at that time, I was highly involved in Pentecostal Churches, but was still primarily Messianic Jewish. I still observed the Feast Days, I still observed the Sabbaths, I still wouldn’t eat pork or shellfish. That’s about as deep as I went with it. Probably wouldn’t have worn flax and wool clothing, either. But I did wear Polyester. And celebrated some Passover meals. And I was beginning to attend a Baptist Church too, and soon after that an Black Church, when I was awaiting my conviction. And then I went to jail, and talked with the Chaplain, and realized I was more or less wrong about the Messianic Jewish thing.

So… I did some soul searching, went to an Evangelical Free Church and a Bethel Church, and met some people who were unique. One was very good, but the whole episode with those churches, I thought I knew a whole lot more than I did. And I’d argue with them, and the pastor, still having my cult tendencies… and I knew some things, but they were very judgmental people, and not very nice. They, I think, got tired of me, and cast me out of the church. So, soon after that I got baptized—as that was a whole issue, I wanted to be baptized and my Lutheran pastor wouldn’t, so she anointed me with oil, but that wasn’t good enough, so I got baptized at the Free Church. And so did my brother on the same day. In fact, my brother was one of the two people who pushed me into the water. And the one guy knew the Didache, and moved the water as I was being baptized.

So… I was without a home… maybe Pentecostal, and kind of mixed up about a whole lot of things. So… I just studied. And soon found the Apostolic Fathers, and Martyr’s Mirror, and received an NRSV from my Mimi with the Apocrypha, and received her old Hymnal. And I was acquainted again, with the faith I knew. And I studied Paul, and for years before that I read John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, C. S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, and St. Augustine’s Confessions. And that gave me some framework, but I think the combination of Jay Vernon McGee having the same interpretation of the Bible, and so with Matthew Henry, and then the striking similarities between my theology and those of the Anabaptist tradition—I’m kind of somewhere between Catholic and Anabaptist.

So, that’s generally where I’m at now… I don’t know which I want to lean toward. Either the Catholic or the Anabaptist—which you’d be surprised how similar both of them are. I think I have an identical faith to Michelangelo and John Bunyan. I’d say that’s my theological bent, is “intelletto”. But, I’d probably be some combination of Catholic and Anabaptist. That’s kind of my faith as it stands right now. And I think I’m comfortable with it. I accept all the traditions of Orthodox Christianity, and don’t really prioritize them, as they all sort of have their strengths and weaknesses, but I’d say Michelangelo is probably the closest to my personal beliefs.

https://kingdomwinds.com/michelangelos-spiritual-life/