LORD! I Cannot Bear My Shame!

LORD! I know my own sins!

They are with me!

Why, why LORD do the heathen try to destroy me?

Why, why LORD do they this thing?

Why do they continually try to throw Your beloved in prison?

Why do they continually try to assault me with their tongue?

LORD! Have I done this thing to them?

No! I listened to the Prophet’s words

And I submitted my yoke to Babylon.

I did not fight it.

I did not make haste.

I did not say, “Yes! I was innocent.”

Because, LORD, surely You know I was not.

When my sins came to remembrance

I put off my outer garment

And I repented in ashes

And fasting.

When I had fasted,

My own kin had made it my shame.

I had mourned, and I had wept

I had known I had done this abomination in Your sight.

Why then, when I am at peace

And in the land

Do these come upon me

And try to break me with their tongues?

Why LORD! When I have honored You.

I had not resisted.

I had not said, “I was surely innocent.”

For I knew I had done this abomination in Your sight.

Why then do my enemies try to pounce?

Why then do they try to put my soul in bonds

And my dove into prison?

I had not done anything!

Yes, what I had done, LORD,

Surely You know

What I had done, LORD,

You had corrected me.

You had stricken me.

You had cleansed my soul.

LORD, when I was among the heathen

I was just like one of them.

Then they rejoiced at my sin.

They said, “Eat, drink, be merry!

“For You are one of us!”

So it is not for my sin

But my repentance

That I have found myself an enemy.

LORD, for their shame

They try to take me to the grave.

They even seek to kill my soul.

LORD, I am fragile

And I cannot bear my own sins.

Surely, if every sin had been numbered

And every sin laid to my account

LORD, I would be encumbered and destroyed.

But, LORD, I know You are with me

For when I cry, You listen.

When I pray, Your ear is ready to hear.

In the time of great waters

I had not raised my prayer

But before it.

LORD, the waters threaten to lay me up to the neck

But LORD, why do these heathen try to take my life?

Had I not laid silently?

Had I not succumbed to justice?

Had I fought it, or done any thing otherwise unwholesome?

When I saw I had sinned, I had laid it to Thy account

To render unto me what was my just due.

And I had received double for all my sins

According to the Heathen’s justice.

I had not laid a cry.

I had not tried to fight my bondage

Which was right, and You had put me unto chains.

No, I had laid my yoke, and let it stay.

Now my bonds are broken,

And they try to take from me

And to put me back under bonds.

No… they shall not.

For their trap shall spring on them like a wild animal

Bereaved of its cub.

It shall come upon them as a bear

Furious for meat

And it shall tear them.

For my sin, I had been recompensed double.

For the injury they had done to Your servant Israel

To not allow him to come out of his bonds

You, You LORD shall recompense the Heathen.

Why should a man suffer an entire lifetime

For the sins he has committed?

Is not grace sufficient?

Is not justice paid its due to the heathen

Who do not cry about an injury

But because of vanity?

They cry because of their own vanity

And not that this evil had been done.

For the evil I could suffer, yet but a little longer.

For even for evil, they ought not recompense a man

For his whole life.

For the LORD has spoken to me:

“I will touch you.”

And LORD, I ask that I never see chains again.

LORD, I ask this because I am innocent

And washed in Your blood.

I had this stain upon my conscience

And needed it lifted.

In my pride I had gone and tried to recompense my salvation to myself.

When I had sinned, in conceiving vanity to save me

I learned that my own mouth or hand could not save me.

Therefore, LORD, I had laid unto the yoke

And let Your waves pass over me.

Night after night, and day after day

I mourned, I fasted, I had loosed the bonds of my sin.

Yet, the Heathen grew even more wrathful

At my chastity, for no longer was I the one who had committed offense

But they. They for trying to lengthen my bonds.

LORD, even soldiers and warriors and spies

Had encamped against me, and LORD, surely You know

They sought my life while I was in my captivity.

Why, then, do they continually try to lay this evil upon me

When I have suffered and have paid my due

Double for my sin?

LORD, do not let their plans prosper.

For even brethren are lifted up against Your servant.

And LORD, I cannot bear my own shame

Lest I be destroyed.

Certainly You know my sins

And have hidden them in Your mercy.

For they are against You, and no one else.

It is You who I have sinned against.

Let not Your servant Israel taste of the captivity a second time.

His soul could not bear it.

Amen.

LORD, False Accusers Have Risen Up!

LORD, false accusers have risen up!

Had they not seen, o LORD

Had they not seen what was done to the wicked ones

Whom your people were tormented by?

Had they not seen

How they belched forth words

And were destroyed in a moment?

LORD? How long shall they shoot forth lies

At the merciful ones?

How long shall they speak vanity

And shame the counsel of the poor?

LORD, there is no violence in our hands

We of Israel.

There is no malice nor intent to destroy in our hearts.

We go forth, spreading forth our seed

We wait for the harvest.

We look to the ground

And see the shoots springing forth.

We wait on these, like a harvest

Bountiful to our God.

Father, the harvest springs forth

But then there is none to consume for our people.

It springs forth, and it is eaten by the heathen nations who surround us.

Father, and when they fall into judgment

When they go forth into the grave

By their own wickedness and stupidity

Father, we, we are the ones who are held accountable.

Father, first they make war

And when we don’t draw out our swords

They fall ‘pon rocks

And are dashed to pieces

By their own hands

By their own weapons

By their own lies.

And then they say unto Israel, “Aha! Aha!

“We see! You are the wicked

“And murderous generation!

“We lay forth a curse every so many generations!

“And we change the laws!

“We have you in our trap now!”

LORD, had they not seen the previous traps laid against Israel

How it dashed them to pieces?

How their entrails were as bursting forth from them?

LORD, yet they multiply a war against You, and only You.

Their weapons prospered for a little while

Making the dearth of your people very great.

Yet, in the valleys, decision was made

And great was the slaughter at Beth-Hashaida.

Why, then, do they continue to attack?

Why then, do they continue to slaughter your people?

Their own traps sprung on them

And now they multiply even greater war.

Yet, the war shall be turned to the gate.

It has now left Zion.

Say this now, Israel,

“The war has now left Zion.”

Now shall the Assyrian be made war with in his own country.

Now shall they be slaughtered

And now shall they be laid waste.

Yet not by the sword, nor by man’s devices.

Now shall they be held in captivity

And their people mocked and on display

For the whole world to see.

The LORD decreed a destruction against you

And even had you laid down your weapons

The slaughter would be great.

We, the LORD’s people

Would have followed you with our words

And wagged the tongue at you

And watched you flee as dogs

From the prey

When the lions come to tear.

That shall be you,

Yet the lions will want live prey

And they shall follow you to your holes

And they shall rip the enemies of the LORD’s people to pieces.

Yet, you continue war.

War with the LORD shall not prosper you

Oh king of Israel.

Pekah, the merciful man has spared you

The merciful man has blessed you.

For one battle, you are enraged

Yet now let Zion tear forth her walls

O Israel, for your people are a great number

Yet they multiply their vanities.

For these vanities, you bring forth and wag the tongue.

Now we shall lay forth the curse on you

And wag our tongues at you.

Assyria has visited the prophets.

Assyria has visited the lame

And the saints.

Now shall go forth the slaughter as at Midian

O Pekah, king of Israel.

Into captivity shall you go

To the nations whom you did not know.

Judah shall be set free.

Judah shall be eating in the valleys.

Judah shall feed by the brooks.

Judah, O King of Israel, whom you were at war with.

Judah shall confess the curse upon thee

For smiting your brethren

And continually bringing them to shame.

For your curses and your vanities

O Pekah, King of Israel

Shall be your shame.

All your words shall fall on your own head

And depart from the land of Judah.

Assyria’s king shall hear of a great rumor

And shall return unto his cities.

The prophet says to you,

Oh Assyrian? Where is the blessing?

Had not even you done so to us?

And Pekah will be left bare without you

And he shall be as a heath in a burning woods

Consumed by the fires of his own curses.

He shall be laid low in the valleys of Kidron

As the LORD’s people eat, and Judah rejoices with the wife,

LORD, the wife You have chosen for him.

For Judah shall be called “Israel” wherever a blessing rests.

And Judah shall be called “Judah” wherever a blessing rests.

O! Ephraim, Pekah King of Israel, you shall be called so, and even called Judah

Wherever a curse shall rest.

Therefore, the curse which you smote the LORD’s people with

The one which you found by our laws,

It shall fall on your head, o Northern King.

And the curses shall rest on you

O foolish king.

Thus ends the words of the Prophet.

LORD, Helper of Your People

LORD, Helper of Your people.

The heathen are in derision.

The wicked one belches up

And so let the ones who trouble your people

See this as a curse:

Those who fight against Israel shall be like her

With her vomit.

The Prophet had warned.

She’d have been better off in prison.

Yet the trap was set for her

To, to destroy her.

LORD, Your people are now at rest.

Your brooks are in the valley of Kidron.

Your people laugh, and your people play

As violence ends in the streets of Israel,

Let Israel now say:

Let those who trouble us end up like her.

Selah.

The Poem is inspired by Micah 7.

Especially these verses:

¹⁰Then she that is mine enemy shall see it, and shame shall cover her which said unto me, Where is the Lord thy God? mine eyes shall behold her: now shall she be trodden down as the mire of the streets.

A woman harassed the prophet Elijah in this prophecy, and she said to the prophet, “Where is the LORD thy God?” His eyes would behold her. That is, he would see her in person. And she would be trodden down in the streets because she transgressed against the prophet.

¹¹In the day that thy walls are to be built, in that day shall the decree be far removed.

In the day that this happens, Jerusalem’s walls will be built, and the “Decree shall be far removed.” That is the decree to destroy and lay waist Israel; the decree to destroy and plunder all of her work and labor; the decree to put her in prison.

¹²In that day also he shall come even to thee from Assyria, and from the fortified cities, and from the fortress even to the river, and from sea to sea, and from mountain to mountain.

And so one shall come from Assyria, the nation at war with Israel, from his fortified cities, and from the fortress even to the “River” and from “Sea to sea” and from “Mountain to mountain.” That is, he shall visit the LORD’s people, one by one.

¹³Notwithstanding the land shall be desolate because of them that dwell therein, for the fruit of their doings.

This is a curse. Because the people are wicked, the land will be a desolation.

¹⁴Feed thy people with thy rod, the flock of thine heritage, which dwell solitarily in the wood, in the midst of Carmel: let them feed in Bashan and Gilead, as in the days of old.

There will raise up a shepherd who will feed the people with the rod. That is, he will discipline the people. They will feed in Carmel and Bashan. I think the people who dwell solitarily in the wood will come out of hiding—the Israelites who were being persecuted by Assyria, and they will again feed on the fatness of the land.

¹⁵According to the days of thy coming out of the land of Egypt will I shew unto him marvellous things.

The prophet Elijah will be shown marvellous things. For forty years, he will be shown marvellous things.

¹⁶The nations shall see and be confounded at all their might: they shall lay their hand upon their mouth, their ears shall be deaf.

The nations will see this and be confounded at all their strength. The miracles performed by Elijah will leave them with no choice but to believe in God and shut their ears and mouths and be deaf and blind. The reason is because the report of Israel’s victory will reach them, and it will be so shocking that it will deaf them.

¹⁷They shall lick the dust like a serpent, they shall move out of their holes like worms of the earth: they shall be afraid of the Lord our God, and shall fear because of thee.

The wicked will lick the dust like a serpent and move out of their holes like worms of the Earth. They will be afraid of God, and shall fear because of Elijah the prophet.

¹⁸Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.

The LORD does not have anger forever, or else the people of Israel would fall away from Him, and stop worshiping Him. Rather, He brings Israel—all of us—justice and peace, and wins our victories for us. That is what the above poem is about, is about Medea being destroyed by her wickedness. She “Belches” forth her vomit, which are her words. Her own words destroy her because she gains success in all that she does, she profits off of lies, only to meet her fate, which is to be trodden down in the streets like mire. What’s important to understand about this, is that people can only profit off of lies for so long. The lies are like vomit. Because when someone tries to fight against the LORD’s people, they will vomit up all of their wickedness and lies, and be destroyed. There will be no sparring them. They will be at rest, and in prosperity. The LORD is good, and Jesus Christ is the LORD come in the Flesh.

¹⁹He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

The LORD will turn toward us again and have compassion on us. He will “Subdue our iniquities” and will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. That is, He will literally throw our sins into the depths of the sea. How this happens, I don’t know, but it’s a huge influence on Fairyland. I imagine Fairyland being where the sins are cast. Leviathan’s belly, where somehow our sins go, and get swallowed up by him. That is the influence in my poetry, anyway.

²⁰Thou wilt perform the truth to Jacob, and the mercy to Abraham, which thou hast sworn unto our fathers from the days of old.

The LORD will perform the truth to his people, and mercy to the gentiles who are his people. He has sworn to save us, and will, and will lead His people Israel by a shepherd, Israel, so they know how to turn and do what is right. Because they hadn’t been doing what was right. That was why Assyria came up against them.

Save Your Servant Israel

LORD, to where do I turn?

Do I turn to the north?

Will my help come from there?

Do I turn to the south?

Do I turn to the king?

Do I turn to the earth?

What is underneath the earth?

From where does my help come?

Idols do not set before my eyes

I have heard your voice

Idols do not set before my eyes

And I, LORD, I am a listener ready to listen

I am a sheep ready to be set down

In the pasture.

Where does my help come?

Surely all other gods are wolves

Ready to steal

And destroy.

Surely all other gods deceive

And surely they say, “Do some little bit of evil

“So that your will comes to pass.

“Love your life so much

“That you will do this little evil

“And your desire shall surely shine forth like the morning star.”

Yet, LORD, if there is error in my heart

If in my way are stumbling-blocks

Surely You shall remove them.

Why do I, LORD, why do I excel above other men?

Am I something which men look to and say

“This man is my example.”

Surely not, LORD, for You are the example

You are the path set before our feet.

If all else follow after vain idols

I shall surely stay steadfast in Your love.

For where does my heart lean?

If there is a company against me

I shall call upon you early

I shall, before the war

Constantly speak into your ear.

Who are the men who trouble the meek?

Who are those who cause trouble for your servant Israel?

Surely they shall be set forth ablaze

And shall burn for eternity in hell.

Yet, I, I shall listen and wait upon You.

For my salvation is like a wellspring

And my heart a steadfast servant.

Though the company does not believe my words

Though they say, “He lies, there is nothing good in him,”

Though they wait for my feet to stumble

And though they make a diligent watch for sin

LORD return upon their own heads their mischief.

For dreams they accuse Your servant

While they walk forth in slander and murder all the day long.

How long shall the wicked prosper?

Surely you shall not let your servant see decay.