False Teacher

If I am called "Rabbi"
I am a charlatan.
If I am called "Father"
I am a fraud.
If I will rob you by tithes and offerings
I am a greedy man.
If I tell you you have nothing to fear
I am false.
If I tell you there is not Hell
I shall be thrown there.
If I tell you Christ alone isn't the path to salvation
I am on the broadstreet.
If I tell you I am the only way, and only I can feed you
I will starve you.
If I see you have itching ears, and tell you what you want
Then I am a false teacher.
If I tell you to pay for my prophecies and oracles,
I am a false prophet.
If I shepherd for a wage
I am a false pastor.
If I sell my teachings, and nowhere can you find it freely,
Then I am a greedy man.
If I feed upon you, and don't feed you
I am a wolf.
If I wear silk suits, or two hundred dollar sneakers
Then I have sheared your wool, and worn it as a garment.
If my ministry is to give myself bread, but to not give you bread
Then know I speak of literal mouths, and I am a glutton.
If I kick the homeless off my stoop, or have my spies torment them,
I am a damnable pastor of a damnable church.
If I see the hungry, or the naked, or the prisoner, or the sick,
And do not feed, clothe, and visit them
I am a goat.
If I speak my words with mystic meanings and tell you to only use my words
They are my own words, and I am deluded.
If I tell you to speak a name you have not heard, one with invented tongues
I am a false shepherd.
If I tell you the Bible is false, or that it is corrupted by man
It is only of my own corruption I speak.
If I say, "Catholics are anathema" or "Protestants are anathema"
Then I am anathema.
If I say, "Hindus are saved," "Buddhists are Saved" 
"Muslims are saved" "Atheists and Agnostics are saved"
Then I am not saved.
If I speak of Ecumenicalism, but mean all paths are equal
Then I am unequal.
If I speak not of Ecumenicalism, and say only my denomination is true
Then I am untrue.
If I claim to be a prophet, then test me in everything I say...
Did what I speak six years ago manifest?
Did what I warn about come true?
Was my prophecy erring?
Did I have a heart to bring the sinner to repentance?
Or, did I prophesy only to have my belly filled?
Did I tell you what you wanted to hear?
Or, did I obstruct God's clear ordinance?
Did I falsely spy out my brethren, and secretly wish to destroy him?
Did I visit him in prison, and burden him with a yoke of despair?
Did I visit him with daggers?
Did I speak words falsely into his life, in order to cause him doubt?
Did I minister to him unrest?
Did I ask of you for anything in return for my counsel?
Did I speak words over you, to loll you into a false sense of security?
Did I add to your sickness and disease?
Did I shackle you in captive bonds, while you were yet a captive?
Did I plead for you when you were in chains?
Did I tell the truth about you, when everyone else had lied and formed a plot?
Did I strengthen you in honesty, goodness and humility?
Or, did I speak my own words, in order to cause you to fall?