A Roast of the Quran

Aphorism 7. The Quran: It reads like someone took the Book of Mormon and the Confucian Analects, and slapped them together with a B Movie rendition of some badly plagiarized Bible Stories.

Aphorism 8. If the Bible is the Blockbuster, the Quran is the corny B movie that came out decades after it, but somehow managed to get a cult following.

Aphorism 9. I was told by a friend to read the Quran, and I'd see that the Bible and it are perfectly similar. From what I've read of the Quran, the two books have the quality of being crafted by an expert literary genius gifted in storytelling, poetry and aphoristic wisdom, over that of the ramblings of a sub-genius, oriental philosopher.

Aphorism 10. What I read of the Quran doesn't make sense. The Bible, its tougher laws make sense in lieu of the whole book. But, the Quran, being written by only one man, isn't half as composed as the Bible, which was written over the course of three thousand years.

Aphorism 11. The Bible has its roots in the very first religions, which Dons will call the "Cult of Righteousness." The Quran, like the Book of Mormon, was a paranoid plagiarization meant to supplement one man's doubt.

Aphorism 12. Somehow, being written over three thousand years by some forty or fifty individuals, the Bible comes together and every detail can be coherently described by a wise man. The Quran, one man wrote the entire thing, and that is why there is nothing miraculous about it.

Aphorism 13. The Quran, as a literary achievement, is sub par. It is a cheesy reworking of more ancient materials, often completely invented by the ravings of one man bent on political power.

Aphorism 14. When I read the Quran, I can't enjoy it like the Analects. For, Confucius never said he had the word of God. It's also no where near as wise or insightful, and is cardboard as opposed to flesh and blood.

Aphorism 15. The Quran has the texture of being false. It doesn't sound wise to my ears, nor does it have the complexity of something genuine.