Today’s American Paganism

Patriotic hymns are racist.
One must not kiss without consent.
American fortune is a grievous shame.
What even is Easter? That's not a big deal anymore.
The founding Fathers were Slave Owners, and Tesla also invented the Light Bulb.
Columbus was a dolt who calculated the Earth wrong.
Halloween is racist, but if we must, make it bloody scary.
The Pilgrims genocided the Native Americans.
Christmas is a Fascist Holiday made to lubricate the Consumerist Machine.