Why I Am Still a Christian

About seven years pass by, and I am still.
Why? When it seems like everything I wrote
Is a reason not to be?
"Christ."

""Blasphemer"
"Adulterer"
"Homosexual"
"Thief"
"Liar"
"False Prophet"
"Diviner"
"Sloth"
"Abuser"
"Manipulator"
"Scoundrel"
"Child of Wrath"

Those are all the accusations Satan's voice speaks to me.
And I say to myself,
"What hope have I without Christ?"

At the end of the day, there is no other way.
No other teacher, no other speaker,
No other truth teller.

I look at the martyrs in prison, with thoughts they cannot control.
I say to myself, "What is this world, it is too hard?
"It is too awful. We cannot control ourselves
"And need power to do it."
And I weep, not as Esau.
For I know if I can call upon the name of Christ, I am saved.
This little power in me, if I can just hang onto Him
And listen to His words,
And carefully cup my ear to His mouth and hear all His words---
And how those words are disappearing from off every tongue
I am ashamed to say, we know not the religion as it once were---
I listen about the Sheep and Goats. I listen about the Sermon on the Mount.
What rock do you build your foundation on?
The one that allows sin?
I know I'd be at peace, if you were enabled to be at peace;
And I am at war with myself, because you have influence over me.
And I have no double tongue, or double mind
I am singularly Pro Christ.
Yet, the danger is that no one has shepherded me in truth.
I have went astray, and I know it.
Let the Good shepherd gather me back to the flock.

And I wonder to myself why Christmas, Easter, Halloween
Such joyous holidays, are scorned by us now
And every joy and every laughter has turned to sorrow.
How the chiding of curmudgeon has fallen on every ear
And we all must bow down in silence, and under the rod of rebuke.
Great wars are heard abroad, and they might come here.
Ones I have foretold of many times.
I know not whether they will,
But I seek an answer from the LORD.
I seek kindness, and not misery.

What hope have I without Christ?
There is your question.
The world would be meaningless.
The people given to every vain thought and imagination.
The entire world destroyed under the weight of sin.
Yet, it is not because of that that I do good...
Not to change the world but myself.

Every sermon I hear tells me I am worthy.
To call myself righteous.
I see nothing righteous in me.
I see a life of shame and misery
And one hope have I above all others.
One rock, and that is to hew down to the bedrock
And build my foundation strong.
Let my house stand on the bedrock
Which is Christ's commandments.
Which I have nothing but Him for following.

The world falls around me, 
And I have no other hope beside Him.
Do you understand?
Nothing by which to hope for, beside Christ.
I do not hope for the woeful day,
Just the day I get to come home and rest
And die a merciful man in my bed
And enter into eternal peace.
And be clothed with the Spirit
And a soft raiment for the wedding feast.
And to sup on the milk, honey, living water and fruit of life, and manna from heaven.
To sit across from my savior, and say to Him
"I am here not for my own doing,
"For I was wicked. I had done every ill imaginable
"And it was not good. But, I had tried to maintain my mercy through it all
"Though the world would not let me.
"Do not cast me away, or depart from me for the world's influence
"For I had sought out Your words like my meaty morsel
"And I have supped on them, and have been in danger of false apostles, and false friends
"Who sought to steal my life since I was a babe."

What the LORD will answer me on that day, I do not know.
Yet, I do know the LORD is gracious, and we have no other hope beside Him.

Do what is right. Do what is good.
Do what is true. That is the Command of my God.
The Law Converts the Heart.
Not as an idle thing, but rather when I sought to obtain mercy
For what my conscience could not bear
And right when I had made an end to sin
I made myself a prey and was encamped round about by tyrants, fools, and witches.

And I said to myself, "Their curses are their own damnation
"I am not falling from grace for their sin.
"They did this to me. They wanted to pluck me from the LORD's hand.
"I am Zion."

They sought to destroy me, wolves and sheep turned into jackals.
They closed around me, and tried to steal from me my very Eternal Life.
Who binds it to me? Is it not love for the LORD's law that I still live?
I have given to mercy, those who were deplorable, those who sought to kill me and my own life.

I have only a few things left to give...
The homeless man received no more than forty cents from me
For my enemies have ruled over me, and stolen my bread.
I should have more to give, but they had told me,
"If you are not rich, you are not saved."
When Isaiah says the valleys shall be exalted.
They lied to me, and would not let me prosper.
They sought to kill me the minute they had found me.
And because all of that is wrong
That is why I believe.

Sin is evil. All forms of it.
Righteousness is good. All forms of it.
That is why I believe.
Genesis is why I believe. Those first three chapters are the ABCs of morality...
First, God is preeminent, and second you hold not the child accountable for their crimes.
Yet, the witches and warlocks held me accountable, and even told me,
"If you try to amend your ways, then "Aha" we will kill you,"
As they snuck in thoughts which proceeded not from me or God
But from their own minds, to question all things.
And because God is the bedrock of reality,
That is why I still believe.

Because gender is two and not thousands
Because homosexuality is unkind and unloving and selfish
Because divorce does hurt people
Because a child should receive light treatment for their crimes
Because theft is never right
Because murder is an abomination
Because witchcraft is deplorable
Because the Sabbath in Christ Jesus is good
Because the Works of the Law are dead, but not mercy
Because love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control, faithfulness and goodness are never unlawful
Because wisdom means listening more than speaking
Because there is universal truth...

That is why I am still a Christian
And will always be one until my return to the Celestial Hill.

And then I think,
"Why is Christianity the one that says, 'I will to do good, but that is the cardinal sin?'"
You make me walk close to losing my faith
Telling me that righteousness is sin, and sin is righteousness.
That the man says, "The only sin is trying to do what's right."
Why, oh Christian Nationalist, do you say so?

Is true Christianity the one that says, "I do what I will
"And don't care about any other, but myself
"And I vapidly do everything I see
"And have no remorse for my crimes?"
Or is the true Christianity a sincere conscience
Of trying to do good, and loving your neighbor
And working through the Law to purify your heart?
The latter is why I believe... because that is Christianity:
The former is an alien religion.

And I say to myself,
"What a damnable heresy, and great falling away
"To condemn the honest man, for trying to palliate his sins
"And to think that there is no hope for one who wishes to make an end to it.
"How do we escape, except through desire for righteousness?
"Yet, I was told how that is a sin, too, to desire to be righteous.
"For the only sin to modern Christians is trying to be a good person."

And I wonder why this is...
And I walk close to the grave, for I will never accept such a religion.
I will make my own religion, based on the teachings of Christ and Paul and Peter and James and Jude and John
Before following this man made catastrophe, saying
"The only sinner is the man who seeks to be right with God."
For, if I am condemned living the words of Christ,
And visiting the sick, and the orphan, and the widow, and the prisoner, and the poor, and the naked,
Then so be it. I shall be damned, and go down to the grave saying
"God is a hypocrite like every man I'd ever met."

Yet, I read Christ, and know that is not the religion of Christ, but the religion of Satan.
So I rest assured in Ephesians, and Colossians, and Romans that God does not 
Give us reason or necessity to sin,
And yet the whole law is abolished,
True, that is condemnation for all sin and the sentence of death,
But rather we follow it with a pure heart, and conscience
And love for what is good...
And that is what saves us, and only that,
And that is why I'm a Christian.
And why I remain so, is not your words, you Hypocrite
But the words of my God, and His holy Apostles.
Whom I hang on every word
And cup my ear, and say, "This is the true faith
"And there can be no other way.
"We are not to sin, and we are to make an effort to remedy it.
"The widow who puts in her two mites
"Is praised more than the rich man.
"Not because of the widow's rebellion
"But because of her clean conscience and faith
"That all she has is given to a good cause."
That is my understanding of Christianity.
And it is the right one. Selah.
For if I tithe mint and dill and cumin
But have not love, I am anathema.
If I have wisdom of Seraphim and power of Cherubim
And have not love, I am anathema.

For the religion suffices in one word, "Charity"
And that is Christians' love.
To love our God and Neighbor, that is the religion.
And the Birch Tree feigning to believe
Claims it is not... but rather sin is the authenticated article
Of Gay Love and keeping Quiet.
I say to myself, "No, this is not the religion I follow.
"One that says self conceit is right, and love is wrong
"And turns love inward to the self, and into narcissism."
For it hurts me, if you want to know why.
That is why I can never be of the religion of this world.
I am sad and lonely, and depressed, and the pangs of hell ring on my heart
As the world does its evil... and I say to myself,
"I am in the deepest despair of my life,
"But I hang onto Christ with all I have
"And He holds onto me."

And I say to the Christian Nationalist and Queer Christian
"The words of Paul say that we are to have love, and be chaste."
Yet the Nationalist says, "Nay, take the world back!"
And the Queer says, "Nay, love is love."
Love is love, but it is only a chemical.
Not true love... which swells deep in the heart, and cannot be extinguished.
For I love, and deeply, and that is why I will always remain a Christian.
I love my enemy, and my friend--even when one in the same--
And I wish the righteous to flourish, and have heavenly bread in great abundance.
And I say to myself, "It is good to rest in God's love, and to use the Law as a moral tale
"For it uproots the thistles, and God shall protect me. God shall protect me."
For if He does not, what is the cause?
Was it like Job, where He thunder struck the man for self righteousness?
Then so be it, I am not righteous, or like Job.
I am a sinner, like Samson or David or Paul or Moses...
Maranatha, come LORD Jesus, and show the double portion of your blessing upon this man
For humbly seeing you once in Paradise...
And graven me into the palm of your hand
And marry me to Wisdom and Peace and Mercy.

For if I get nothing here, it is Christian love that made me a Christian.
And that is why my faith shall always remain.
If I get everything I want here, I shall tremble,
Yet rejoice in Christ all the same.

And then Jimmy Carter dies
And Christians are pontificating on whether he is a Christian.
Trashing the Didache
And making a hard cause.

If I must say, Jimmy was more Christian than anyone I knew
Recently, and still retained the honest faith.
A bad president, maybe,
But a stand up human being.
So he had bad views on abortion and gay marriage
He still understood something about the faith
That millions do not.

It's what he understood, that's why I am.
As I see Christianity is warped
And I can't but see perversion in every part of it.

"Do as thou wilt"
Is Satan's philosophy
But Sophia has become Christ;
We do have a Female part in the Eschatology
Which nobody's interested in
As they want Paul's Christianity
But forget the meatier half of each letter.

And I say to myself,
"I cannot escape it. That is why the Seraph speaks into my mind
"Is Satan is too powerful
"And Christians think Righteousness is a sin
"So they turned it into my sin.
"They think trying to do right, and love their neighbor and do good
"That that is what Christ condemned,
"And rather, one gets to go around and have everything in this world
"And tear down the innocent to get it.
"'Heaven will have work...' they say...
"Is heaven just beneath an iron dome?
"Not my heaven... no, mine is some place elsewhere altogether."