Walking through the forest
In the cold and rain... 
The forest is quiet
Lush, the sideweeds are intruding upon the path
Trees lay with fungi upon their trunks
Looking like a dead deer.
Except for a flock of crows
Cawing in disturbed fervor
There is the silence of the rain
Tapping against the umbrella of the canopy.

I walk closer to it,
And the crows stop.
A ministry flows through my mind
As God gave me a poem for the day.
The deer are startled by my presence
Which is unusual.

I feel darkness in the forest.
The unclean birds feast
In the forest...
For only something large and dead
Could draw such a gathering.

Walking closer to it
I realize what is unclean
Are like these birds;---
Scavengers, and animals naturally
Associated with death and decay.
I am made wary by the birds
And the deer are too.
I speak to the animal
Telling it I too am made uneasy.

Driving away from the park
There is a State Police vehicle
Parked on the side of the road
With no driver.
It becomes clear to me the unclean animals
God once told Israel not to eat
Are the very same
Who congregate at death.

I do not talk about Plato's Word
Or Euclid's Elements; both of these concepts
Are sufficient evidence for God's existence
That there is order in both the ideated and corporeal world.
The first premised that there is in fact reason
And one has the ability to understand someone's words.
The second premised that there is in fact reality
And one has the ability to understand it through measurements.
Thus, the universe can be explained in both ways,
By measurement and by word,
And because of this, there must be a Creator.

This is not the God of philosophers,
But is merely the way we can infer that a god of some sort exists;
That there is order both through what is possible and also what can be communicated.

But, the God of philosophy is Aristotle's "Unmoved Mover"
The "Prime Mover", or whatever else philosophy invents
A priori to describe god's existence.

And certainly, there's always an atheist like Hume who says
"It always was." And we have two sufficiently complete systems
Of believing in the universe.

Rather, it is why I don't use philosophy to describe God's existence.
The "Unmoved Mover" the "First Cause" the "Supreme Self"
The "Architect"---which this last one is closer to being a proof of God's existence.

I find people who come to faith through philosophy
Often have the weakest faith.
It just takes a little bit of science to knock over their foundation.
I, instead, believe because of science.
I believe because of communication.
I believe because of mathematical principles.
I principally believe because I've seen and witnessed good
And can find no other way to explain it.
For, very often what I've found to be good
Other men have soiled with their opinions
And trampled on like swine.
Universally, what I found was good
And it was bad men who soiled it
So, I'm happy there is a hell to put those people in.

My belief is simple.
I know God through having a relationship with Him.
I observe God when I see kindness or love or joy.
And to be honest, the cosmological argument makes me doubt
More than it strengthens my faith.
Just me personally, as I have an imagination
Which can conjure anything up,
And it's not hard for me to believe in a universe
Sufficiently created of its own natural forces.
The model science has created seems to be atheistic
And should I believe it---and I don't---I'd have to be an atheist.
Yet, I see so much good in the world that goes without explanation
And I cannot escape Earth's Atmosphere to see if it were truly
A sphere, and I cannot go back in time to watch Cave Men evolve
And I cannot---especially---know if there was some quantum form of nothing
Which started the Big Bang.

To be frank, the only thing I can know is that there is good in this world.
And it remains good even when I'm told it's not.
And on that, I rest my faith because it is far easier to see
Than an "Unmoved Mover" or "Prime Mover"
Or "Sufficient Self" or "Supreme Consciousness."
To me, God sits in the form of a white robed man
Tall, in the background of heaven like he were a mountain
And above him is a rainbow;
And He like a rainbow, just stays his place there in Heaven's background
And when you move toward him, he remains fixed;
Like a rainbow. And His Son and His Daughter our Holy City---I'm being foolish---
Are there beside us, talking to us as citizens of a city so magnificent
With its pearlescent green and red towers as tall as the space between the Earth and Moon
Its forests of the Trees of Life, its country sides, Mount Zion the Everest Sized Golden Peak with Silver Cap
Its mansions, its river the size of an ocean, its temple where the LORD sits,
The fish, and all the animals and things yet to be understood created.
Libraries, playgrounds, bakeries where the bread is free, coffee shops
Chocolate Factories, Carnivals, Street Fairs...
And all of this will be free of charge, fully supplied by God.
Architecture so lush, no modern structure can rival it.
Painting, sculpture, murals, flowers, possibly even a beautiful flora and fauna filled with colors unimaginable.
Everyone will be friends. Everyone will know everyone else.
Eternity will be spent meeting new folk, growing to know them, inviting them to your mansions,
Exploring the infinite planes of heaven--for the city is huge, but there's suburbs and country sides for sure---
The sheer fact I can imagine this wonderful place---
That the imagination is good---proves there is something inherent in what we call good.
And if good is self evident, it can only be that God made it so.
As there are men who cannot see what's self evident,
And in our day, those same men spoil life for everyone else by corrupting it.
And I would like to go where life is incorruptible.
For this life is spoiled and maligned with sin and selfishness.

Where those who have committed offenses will go
Is hell. Sandstone tan, lit by the shadows of flames.
A heat above ninety degrees.
Ugly COs with horse hooves, red chests
Worms all over their faces,
Hideous shadowy cloaks
Needle pores.
It's unlikely they will torment you
Unless you did something really bad,
But they will wound you with a spear or sword
And place you in solitary confinement.
There, you'll feel your lowest low
With the festering of your wound
Sore, and without healing.
Worms will feast upon it.
And if you're truly a miscreant,
You'll get a cellmate.
God help those who do.
For, Hell is a real prison somewhere.

The camel through the needle's
Eye---if thought a city's wall---
Is only gainful fable
If we see its burdens fall.

For if we interpret Christ's
Words only the city's wall,
We may lose great miracles
And not hear Christ when he calls.

My works are fables.
Do not be turned aside to them,
As St. Paul said.
There is nothing divinely revealed in my work.
It is all simply apologetics,
Arguments meant to teach a solvent pathway to God.

This leads to what I think those fables are.
Book of Enoch or Jubilee,
Koran, Book of Mormon, 
In Revelation, the Number of the Beast spells "Allah" in Arabic.
Mormonism is steeped in symbolism
Of the Golden Calf and the Ancient Mystery Cults.
The Books of Enoch and Jubilee
Are filled with teachings denying the New Covenant prophesied in Jeremiah. 
And the Gospels of Mary or The Secret Book of James
Are filled with the teachings of the Gnostics which deny the teachings of Christ. 

Everything I wrote were stories. Similitudes. 
Like Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, Lewis' Narnia
Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, Chesterton's Father Brown
Tolstoy's War and Peace, Austen's Pride and Prejudice,
Dostoevsky's Brother's Karamazov, Helen's Iliad and Odyssey
Ovid's Metamorphosis, Herodotus' Histories,
Nietzsche's Thus Spake Zarathustra, or Freud's Psychology.

There is wisdom in what I wrote which are borne from the eternal truths.
But none of these are sacred, and some are outright evil.
My works, if they are read for anything beside their insights
Are as worthless as the worst on this list.
Yet, I am confident that there are some hundred and fifty extra biblical texts
Rejected by the Council of Nicaea. And I'm confident those
Combined with the heretical Monotheistic Religions of today
Will be the fables Christians turn toward
Teaching licentiousness, sin and selfishness. 

When I was young,
About eighteen,
I was talking with God and told Him
"I don't believe in You."
I heard His voice, saying, 
"All men have gone astray, and there is none which does good."

My Ex Girlfriend and I were atheists.
We were bound to hedonism
And neither of us were happy.
I was atheist for a few months.

Then, doubts crept in.
Almost immediately after becoming an atheist
Doubts about my atheism crept in.
What of Universal Good?
What of Universal Truth?
It was at that moment
I realized every atheist I'd ever spoken to
Hadn't believed in Universal Truth.
To them, truth was subjective,
And was only a matter of perspective.

It took serious blows to my faith.
Such a serious blow to my faith
That I began to write "The Fifth Angel's Trumpet"
And crafted Marc's Atheism with my own doubts
My own atheism.
Yet, at the end, Marc was to discover that the love
He shared with Erin was the proof of God's existence.

For, the greatest doubt in my mind
Was, "Why isn't this love universally true?
"Why do people scorn it, and malign it, and choose not to believe in it?
"This love is real. I know it. And this love can fix the world."
For that love, I have etched into my conscience as
The proof of God's existence.
It wrecked my faith in Accidents.
Nothing Accidental could be truly meaningful
Yet I had found meaning which transcended even myself.

What followed was I met my best friend Solomon.
And he introduced me to the hardest Atheism I'd ever seen.
Nietzsche. He introduced me to Robert Greene's ideas.
Then I had encountered the hardest atheism I'd ever seen.
But, my faith in atheism was already deconstructed.
Nietzsche's argument was disproven. 
For there is something genuinely good about love
And monogamy, and trust, and fidelity, and 
Most of all, I had discovered truth.

In my earliest burgeons of intellectual curiosity
I took a quarter, which was 1 inch in diameter.
I tried to discover what Pi was.
I had found Pi was a measurement
Of a circle's circumference if the diameter is one.
Meaning, truths were measured
And universal truths existed.
This peace I felt, this love
I measured in the real world
As a solve to all of our worldly problems.
And its source, I soon found, was Christ Himself.
It was not something we could generate on our own
And even saying Christ's name,
I feel the genuine peace.

For this peace, I found it hadn't come from human agency
But was rather something which Christ Himself had taught.
It was the very teachings of Christ---this peace I had found.
And with that, I realized immediately that this universal truth
Which I felt, and made me a better man,
Was the truth which I must teach the world---
And that truth's power source is Christ Jesus.

Dear,
Psych2Go

I have a High IQ and this might seem like a stupid question, but why does a lack of confidence in my own knowledge make others pounce upon me? If demeaning myself makes me vulnerable, then it means those around me are predatory, and I am their prey. Doubly, by your own admission I am not intelligent for saying two of those things. Regardless, maybe I am not intelligent, and I'm some idiosavant. I'm only smart enough to make that portmanteau, and my intelligence is lacking. I'm also entitled, of course.  

Socrates, considered the wisest man in Athens, asked a lot of questions, making himself look the fool. He was also martyred, which, by your standards he would have been less intelligent when he drank the hemlock poison, therefore, according to your psychobabble, he wasn't martyred because he wasn't confident enough to abstain from the hemlock.

I also looked into the PPI-R. I'm having a psychologist friend of mine look into the accuracy of that test, and whether Trump's is 177. That would mean Hitler's is 169. And---if I'm being mean it's for a reason---on a Swiss Government website I saw the average college student's score was 291 for a male, and 266 for a female.

This gets to my point. Why does demeaning myself make me a prey? There's something to victimhood culture, because I'm with Black Lives Matter that I don't want to have to hunt my prey with a stick, and play this awkward, white people game where I have to know all the social cues and self affirmations to fit in.

I have to be mean to you because what you promote is something most destructive to the Western Tradition. It is your freedom to write it. And perhaps I am being mean in this post--- But I have it on a hunch that a shrink thought I had Histrionic Personality Disorder because I wrote her a letter in this tone. Frankly, if I do have HPD, it's because I've been taught to self-love more than anyone else. I love myself dearly, and I want the exact opposite which is to escape myself, and invest my time in someone else.

I've been through six years of intensive therapy. I went twice a week to group therapy, went once a week to individual therapy, seen a psychiatrist---about the only helpful person out of the lot of them. I was hypnotized to a point of trauma, I was inundated with this "Self Love" culture--- And they told me to throw my mother under the bus because she made me feel sad. A lot of people made me feel sad at that time in my life. 

What I'm saying gets to the root of your comment, "Smart people don't demean themselves, because it makes others feel less confident in them." What world do you live in? The one I used to know---a long time ago---never punished me for doubting myself. I never had to be a predator to make a living. I didn't have to put up a facade in order to fit in. Then came Elementary school, where I was abused nonstop by peers and teachers. To your credit, I was put in special education programs built for retarded children. But, as I said---and you called it entitled---I have an IQ of 157. About the same IQ as Ralph Waldo Emerson. One of my favorite writers, actually. And it was this psycho mumbojumbo I lived with my whole life, and crippled me into becoming a writer. I had nothing better than to escape the abuse of my peers, and invent imaginative worlds where I could retreat into, and about the only people I did get along with were my brother and his friends. Was it that I didn't display self confidence? Was it that I broke a social taboo? Was it that I was really retarded, and needed a B-Tech and TSS? The shame of that time of my life, and you have the audacity to tell people that their problem is that they aren't confident in themselves. Most of the self confident people I know are borderline sociopaths, which accounts for almost 100% of the College Population according to that test you recommended the PPI-R.

When all's said in done, Therapy made me into the monster I became. Jesus took me out of it. If you want to know Psychology, read Freud, and know Self Love is the exact pathogen this culture suffers from. Self-Confidence and Self Esteem are the very cancers eating away at our bones. What Freud said is that we need a Catharsis or love object. As the greatest secret to psychology is that we are all narcissists, and our deepest desire is to find solidarity with someone else. And I half agree with all of these Liberals when they want to create their utopia of feel good and inclusivity. Yet, I can't be inclusive. I can't condone self deprecation, and especially, I can't condone sacrificing humility for the sake of being liked. What's humble is pulling the child back from the street when a car speeds by. Not smiling while he gets ran over by it. And all of modern psychology is sin; it's claiming the train doesn't exist, while your car stands on the warning track. And if that test is any proof, the studies I saw show that almost 100% of our generation are, indeed, psychopaths. And we have a whole lot of psychology to blame for that.

The greatest psychological truth is to fix our own damn problems, and make ourselves better for everyone else.

Grace, my love, is a pardoned
Offense, so when one's walking
Through lush greens of a garden,
One not offends, by mulching.

For though the dirt is privy
Upon the foot of a man,
He used right his story
To make rich the neighborlands.

Sin's strong curse is that it is fate
Which will cause we men to woo guilt;
It compels callow couth to stray.

So Jesus we need to be saved,---
When crass shame comes, compulsory,
To turning souls,---to tame the grave.

Something we ought to have figured out in elementary school---
When everyone's having the argument ,"Boys rule and girls drool"
Or, "Boys are from Venus and have a penis, and girls are from Jupiter to get more stupider."
We should have figured out that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis.
But, collectively our culture has to argue about this.
There are actual academic articles trying to define gender---
Some toe skin and a little bit of clitoris tissue isn't going to make someone a male.
Drilling a hole in someone's pelvis and putting plastic velvet in it isn't going to make someone a girl.
Neither are silicon water bags implanted in the chest.

It should be easy to understand what the difference is between a woman and a man.
In fact, what we called "Birthing People" originally was "Woman".
We're all back in elementary school, but our mother's can't point out
The little sister's coolie or the little brother's pee pee, 
And tell them that she's a girl or he's a boy..
So, I can understand the confusion being had right now.
Culture needs a spanking.