When I was young,
About eighteen,
I was talking with God and told Him
"I don't believe in You."
I heard His voice, saying, 
"All men have gone astray, and there is none which does good."

My Ex Girlfriend and I were atheists.
We were bound to hedonism
And neither of us were happy.
I was atheist for a few months.

Then, doubts crept in.
Almost immediately after becoming an atheist
Doubts about my atheism crept in.
What of Universal Good?
What of Universal Truth?
It was at that moment
I realized every atheist I'd ever spoken to
Hadn't believed in Universal Truth.
To them, truth was subjective,
And was only a matter of perspective.

It took serious blows to my faith.
Such a serious blow to my faith
That I began to write "The Fifth Angel's Trumpet"
And crafted Marc's Atheism with my own doubts
My own atheism.
Yet, at the end, Marc was to discover that the love
He shared with Erin was the proof of God's existence.

For, the greatest doubt in my mind
Was, "Why isn't this love universally true?
"Why do people scorn it, and malign it, and choose not to believe in it?
"This love is real. I know it. And this love can fix the world."
For that love, I have etched into my conscience as
The proof of God's existence.
It wrecked my faith in Accidents.
Nothing Accidental could be truly meaningful
Yet I had found meaning which transcended even myself.

What followed was I met my best friend Solomon.
And he introduced me to the hardest Atheism I'd ever seen.
Nietzsche. He introduced me to Robert Greene's ideas.
Then I had encountered the hardest atheism I'd ever seen.
But, my faith in atheism was already deconstructed.
Nietzsche's argument was disproven. 
For there is something genuinely good about love
And monogamy, and trust, and fidelity, and 
Most of all, I had discovered truth.

In my earliest burgeons of intellectual curiosity
I took a quarter, which was 1 inch in diameter.
I tried to discover what Pi was.
I had found Pi was a measurement
Of a circle's circumference if the diameter is one.
Meaning, truths were measured
And universal truths existed.
This peace I felt, this love
I measured in the real world
As a solve to all of our worldly problems.
And its source, I soon found, was Christ Himself.
It was not something we could generate on our own
And even saying Christ's name,
I feel the genuine peace.

For this peace, I found it hadn't come from human agency
But was rather something which Christ Himself had taught.
It was the very teachings of Christ---this peace I had found.
And with that, I realized immediately that this universal truth
Which I felt, and made me a better man,
Was the truth which I must teach the world---
And that truth's power source is Christ Jesus.

Dear,
Psych2Go

I have a High IQ and this might seem like a stupid question, but why does a lack of confidence in my own knowledge make others pounce upon me? If demeaning myself makes me vulnerable, then it means those around me are predatory, and I am their prey. Doubly, by your own admission I am not intelligent for saying two of those things. Regardless, maybe I am not intelligent, and I'm some idiosavant. I'm only smart enough to make that portmanteau, and my intelligence is lacking. I'm also entitled, of course.  

Socrates, considered the wisest man in Athens, asked a lot of questions, making himself look the fool. He was also martyred, which, by your standards he would have been less intelligent when he drank the hemlock poison, therefore, according to your psychobabble, he wasn't martyred because he wasn't confident enough to abstain from the hemlock.

I also looked into the PPI-R. I'm having a psychologist friend of mine look into the accuracy of that test, and whether Trump's is 177. That would mean Hitler's is 169. And---if I'm being mean it's for a reason---on a Swiss Government website I saw the average college student's score was 291 for a male, and 266 for a female.

This gets to my point. Why does demeaning myself make me a prey? There's something to victimhood culture, because I'm with Black Lives Matter that I don't want to have to hunt my prey with a stick, and play this awkward, white people game where I have to know all the social cues and self affirmations to fit in.

I have to be mean to you because what you promote is something most destructive to the Western Tradition. It is your freedom to write it. And perhaps I am being mean in this post--- But I have it on a hunch that a shrink thought I had Histrionic Personality Disorder because I wrote her a letter in this tone. Frankly, if I do have HPD, it's because I've been taught to self-love more than anyone else. I love myself dearly, and I want the exact opposite which is to escape myself, and invest my time in someone else.

I've been through six years of intensive therapy. I went twice a week to group therapy, went once a week to individual therapy, seen a psychiatrist---about the only helpful person out of the lot of them. I was hypnotized to a point of trauma, I was inundated with this "Self Love" culture--- And they told me to throw my mother under the bus because she made me feel sad. A lot of people made me feel sad at that time in my life. 

What I'm saying gets to the root of your comment, "Smart people don't demean themselves, because it makes others feel less confident in them." What world do you live in? The one I used to know---a long time ago---never punished me for doubting myself. I never had to be a predator to make a living. I didn't have to put up a facade in order to fit in. Then came Elementary school, where I was abused nonstop by peers and teachers. To your credit, I was put in special education programs built for retarded children. But, as I said---and you called it entitled---I have an IQ of 157. About the same IQ as Ralph Waldo Emerson. One of my favorite writers, actually. And it was this psycho mumbojumbo I lived with my whole life, and crippled me into becoming a writer. I had nothing better than to escape the abuse of my peers, and invent imaginative worlds where I could retreat into, and about the only people I did get along with were my brother and his friends. Was it that I didn't display self confidence? Was it that I broke a social taboo? Was it that I was really retarded, and needed a B-Tech and TSS? The shame of that time of my life, and you have the audacity to tell people that their problem is that they aren't confident in themselves. Most of the self confident people I know are borderline sociopaths, which accounts for almost 100% of the College Population according to that test you recommended the PPI-R.

When all's said in done, Therapy made me into the monster I became. Jesus took me out of it. If you want to know Psychology, read Freud, and know Self Love is the exact pathogen this culture suffers from. Self-Confidence and Self Esteem are the very cancers eating away at our bones. What Freud said is that we need a Catharsis or love object. As the greatest secret to psychology is that we are all narcissists, and our deepest desire is to find solidarity with someone else. And I half agree with all of these Liberals when they want to create their utopia of feel good and inclusivity. Yet, I can't be inclusive. I can't condone self deprecation, and especially, I can't condone sacrificing humility for the sake of being liked. What's humble is pulling the child back from the street when a car speeds by. Not smiling while he gets ran over by it. And all of modern psychology is sin; it's claiming the train doesn't exist, while your car stands on the warning track. And if that test is any proof, the studies I saw show that almost 100% of our generation are, indeed, psychopaths. And we have a whole lot of psychology to blame for that.

The greatest psychological truth is to fix our own damn problems, and make ourselves better for everyone else.

Grace, my love, is a pardoned
Offense, so when one's walking
Through lush greens of a garden,
One not offends, by mulching.

For though the dirt is privy
Upon the foot of a man,
He used right his story
To make rich the neighborlands.

Sin's strong curse is that it is fate
Which will cause we men to woo guilt;
It compels callow couth to stray.

So Jesus we need to be saved,---
When crass shame comes, compulsory,
To turning souls,---to tame the grave.

Something we ought to have figured out in elementary school---
When everyone's having the argument ,"Boys rule and girls drool"
Or, "Boys are from Venus and have a penis, and girls are from Jupiter to get more stupider."
We should have figured out that girls have a vagina and boys have a penis.
But, collectively our culture has to argue about this.
There are actual academic articles trying to define gender---
Some toe skin and a little bit of clitoris tissue isn't going to make someone a male.
Drilling a hole in someone's pelvis and putting plastic velvet in it isn't going to make someone a girl.
Neither are silicon water bags implanted in the chest.

It should be easy to understand what the difference is between a woman and a man.
In fact, what we called "Birthing People" originally was "Woman".
We're all back in elementary school, but our mother's can't point out
The little sister's coolie or the little brother's pee pee, 
And tell them that she's a girl or he's a boy..
So, I can understand the confusion being had right now.
Culture needs a spanking.

Dear,
Mr. Kapinos

You created the show "Lucifer". In it you have a protagonist who isn't atheist because she believes in "Good and Evil and Right and Wrong." I applaud you for making this character, as Lauren German's  character is of the kind of Atheist as Marcus Krantz---my lead character in my first novel, "The Fifth Angel's Trumpet". If I may put my input, Lucifer is not proving himself the Devil to her in order to ensconce her in her Atheism. As, what better proof of God's existence, than the Devil Himself? Very wise thematic choice, as Satan cannot evangelize the Gospel, but rather can only cause suffering and hell.

With that being said, Lucifer is an interesting character. Portrayed as a man with Histrionic Personality Disorder, who is a sexual predator yet is seeking justice. What a wonderful world it would be if Lucifer sought justice. Every time I watch your show, I say, "If only the Devil were like so."

When I was in the hospital, there was a demoniac within the walls. He'd cry out, "I'm going to destroy you," In a deep voice, like one might see in a Death Metal song. He didn't sing it, but had that tone of voice. And he said, "I'm going to destroy you," while I was weeping in the other room.

Then, I heard the same voice within my head---one of the few auditory hallucinations I'd ever had, though I understood it as a demonic apparition. This particular devil I call a "Babylonian", as there are a multitude of fallen angels, and at the top echelon there are three with twenty-two distinct personalities. Lucifer, the "Covering Cherub", was one of the Cherubim, the four creatures who stand at God's throne. There must have been six of them at first, yet distinctly, two of them were different than the other four, thus, pride must have settled into their hearts. Lucifer sinned according to his "Brightness".

Yet, there remains ten distinct demonic personalities within the being called "Lucifer". As there are ten horns to the Dragon. And seven heads. Meaning, there is an enclave of Ten Kings and seven heads of state who will be possessed by this once Cherubim. Lucifer is Beautiful, and can take the form of a man. Which gets us to Job, when he roared like a lion, and on the command of God, he did everything in his power to strip from Job his salvation. And Lucifer caused Job to act defiant toward God, to question God's reasons for punishing him, yet Job sinned nothing in the trial because Job didn't curse God, therefore, Job was left with double of what he lost.

To understand Satan, one must merely look at this story in Job. Satan cares nothing for justice, and only on expanding his empire. The Satan you created is a metaphor for a Sex Addict, yet Satan is more like Adolph Hitler combined with Errol Flynn. The Babylonian I talked about earlier, the one who spoke within my mind and manifested in the one patient of the hospital I was staying at---understand I am innocent, but its desire is to kill me. Just like Christ was innocent, and Satan's ultimate plan was to obstruct justice by not allowing Christ to die on the cross. Now, I am not Christ---I am not a God---so therefore, I am not completely innocent, yet what crimes I have committed have been atoned for, yet Satan wishes to continue his assault upon me. For like Pharaoh or Babylon, they did not want to withdraw their torments on the Israelites. So, God sent Moses and Cyrus to free them.

Therefore, your show is interesting. Yet, it is not the true devil you have created. You created a picture of a Psychopath. Yet, you hadn't created the picture of the Devil. The devil will place Christians in concentration camps, will purge the world of all religions save the one where he is the head, and will most likely advocate the very morality of the Bible yet replace himself with Christ as the head. In fact, Satan will call himself Christ. For Lucifer is perfect from his begetting, until there is sin found in him. And his Prince, the Beast, will act like he is Jesus Christ.

I say all of this to show my love for your artistic rendition. As it submitted the DC universe under the Yoke of the Christian God. And I am happy that it did. Though there are falsehoods in the DC universe's moral telling, the fact remains that it opens the minds of Atheists to the possibility of God being greater and powerful enough to create a vast universe, where the forces of light and dark stand somewhere outside of it, beyond the constraints of time and space. And God, being all powerful, will still have dominion upon all of Earth and the worlds.

Dear,
G. K. Chesterton

I had read your The Everlasting Man, and I must say, Mr. Chesterton, that you have made the chief argument for God's existence. Not that you had gotten all your facts right. Really, the chief fact on which you based your whole argument was wrong. But, the fact that your fact is wrong gives credibility to the chief principle of your argument. That an animal can do art, it must certainly be true that there is indeed art and universally so. That an Elephant can paint is significant, because it means there is an objectivity to what can be painted.

The hardest thing for we humans to understand is genesysed in your argument. The development of a conscience. You expertly argue that the conscience must have developed when man had first developed, for we cannot be called "Man" without first a "Conscience." Though, what we appear to have discovered in my age, is that animals all share some of the same faculties of human beings. They are on the cusp of developing a sense of other, a sense of right and wrong independent of our training. And where animals develop reasoning skills, it's often been seen that they grow more compassionate.

Should we find in nature a creature which has all the faculties of intelligence, but without the conscience, I'd say it'd be the same thing as if a fish had evolved into a man like being and with all its intelligence, it is nothing more than a predator. For we have such examples of men who appear to be like this. Men who are devoid of conscience. And such men are not the disproof of the rule but rather proof of it that where some faculty of humanity exists, which they cannot understand but others can independently. Not mores or social constructs... I'm not speaking to those. I'm speaking to general kindness and compassion, which some men lack and others do not.

The animals tend to appreciate this compassion more than the men do. There is a trope of the Saintly Man being a friend to all animals. He can as easily make friends with a scorpion or tiger as a dear or a dove. The saintly man is a friend to the animals because we recognize in animals the timidity and meekness of their wildness, that they will run away at any presence of humans, but should a man be able to touch or even have the animals linger nearby in his presence, we call this man a "Saint". Because the man is so freed from his Shadow that the animals recognize he is not a threat to them. Yet, there is the exception of a Polar Bear who will eat men, and that without fear because they have not learned instinctually to fear men. Yet, that is slowly changing.

The man who is so freed from his wickedness, is the man who is the most compassionate. The least like a predator. This man may eat meat, but his cattle do not fear him, but rather give their meat willingly and without bitterness. For the man who is like a "Sheep" is the most like a man. The man who is most like a "Wolf" is the least like a man. And we see in Dog Breeds, that the more intelligent they become, the more aware of the distinct otherness of those around them, the more compassionate the animal becomes. Though, a man without compassion is just an animal---we call the man without compassion a beast. But the beasts, when they become more like a man, have compassion. It is this universal truth which the Atheists cling to to say "God does not exist," yet, they abandon their compassion oftentimes for the sake of worldly gain. For the sake of cooperation, careers, or even to have friendships. They willingly sacrifice their compassion for these things, and what causes Christians to be ignoble in their eyes is that Christians do the same. In fact, Christians teach it is a part of their religion to abandon compassion for the sake of worldly gains, for that is what the Gospel has become to almost half of all evangelicals, is a hearty approval of the State of competition and Solitariness, and they use God as a self soothing mechanism. They teach the highest ideal is to be self satisfied, self motivated, and self assured. And this reason, Christianity is pugnacious in many Atheist's eyes, for they have no qualms about Christ's teachings, but when they see His followers, they do not see the loving and tender sheep they desire to see, but rather a pack of wolves.

Yet, it is precisely this Sheep Morality which makes Christianity so special. That in being sheep, we are led by an invisible shepherd, giving us greater liberty than the Wolf who must acquiesce to their pack leader, or the dominant male or female. We, being sheep, do not wander or need men to guide us, for the Spirit of God blows upon our sails into the directions where we must follow. We get led by an invisible shepherd, but so many Christians make their shepherds on the Earth, and it is why they will be damned. They scatter the flock, and do not gather the outcasts, but rather create their functions and strict organizations which are to most men boring and structured to a point where no true relationships can be created. In fact, this structure has been divorced from God, and has been implemented in the Mainline Church, where Atheist Christianity is at its peak of worship, and the congregants do not believe in God, but believe in the service and the comfort of the music and the comfort of the social gathering. Only, in that gathering, there is no true fellowship, but rather everyone in it have selfishly gathered themselves to benefit from one another's spoils, much like a Dog seeking a hand to pat it on the head.

Yet, should there be true fellowship, or true love within the Church and Christ's body the elements of what make us Christian would shine, and men wouldn't be in question about whether God existed. For we'd have the Spirit among us, and it would lacquer our hearts with its joy and peace and love. We'd be filled with Spirit, and full of grace and charity. We'd be strong in the LORD, and believe on Christ Jesus with all our hearts, knowing it is just as important what He taught as what He did. We wouldn't half heartedly seek worldly success, or gain, or men's approval, but would rather diligently serve the LORD and demonstrate all of the truths which people admire about our religion. We'd overcome the predatory instinct and allow all the sheep in the field to gather, and chew on their cud, without infringing upon their feedings, and the Christ LORD would shepherd us to the pastures where we would get fed, and we'd be in holy communion, and this would prove God exists to all men, for they would say, "I see Christians have love, and it is a supernatural force. I wish to seek Christ to, to remove from me this wicked nature."

Looking at my grades today
I had mostly Bs.
English Classes I would normally fail.
Math classes I would normally oscillate 
Between a B and an F.
On every report card there would be an "I"
For "Inconsistent Effort."

Today I was looking at the volume of work I've written.
The volume of work I've read.
Fourteen published books.
Just about every classic I've either read or dabbled in.
Yet, I look throughout the week
Keeping strict tabs on my work
Including Mowing the Lawn
Studying to find more material for writing
Cleaning, cooking, or whatever I find work experience;
Also the amount of time I spend reading and writing.
I've chalked up my work to about twenty-one thousand hours
Since 2007. About fifteen thousand of those were devoted to writing.
I even did the count, seventeen years I've been writing.

However, I look on my report card, 
"Inconsistent Effort."
It's true. I didn't hand in homework assignments
I didn't take the greatest care for classwork
Mostly because I've had my biorhythms---
It's called pseudoscience but I highly doubt that.
My inconsistent effort is chalked up
To a cycle within myself,
Where I can go through bursts of amazing productivity.
Sometimes even for months.
But, when that cycle ends, 
So does the productivity.
I had such stressful days at school
Last thing I ever wanted to do was homework.
I wanted to exercise my wild imagination
Which could take me anywhere, and took me everywhere.

It's why I have a hard time keeping jobs
Not because I get bored of them
But because of that "I" I'd get on my report card every year.
My mind, and rhythm of working goes in cycles
Where at some points I'm an "A" student
But on my downturns, I'm an "F" student.
For an entire month I wrote diligently a chapter
In my Magnum Opus, but for a week I couldn't bring myself to it.
And ought I have, the quality of my work would have been poor.
No, I rather jump to this, and write blog posts;
I watch seven videos on G. K. Chesterton,
I read his greatest work
I get enflamed by it...
Several days or weeks from now I'll write another ninety or so
Movements for my epic poem.

But, if this were school,
If the daily wire were my clock,
I'd have to consistently work on this poem
Every night, until it was finished.
I'd have to set myself to the deadline
And keep my nose to the grind.
Possibly sacrificing the quality of my work.

Finishing a project isn't hard for me...
It's just a matter of time.
Often a work seems finished, but then it gets put aside.
Several months or years later it gets taken back up again
And over the course of three to four years I have a book
Which began as several dozen books
Which then get condensed into a compendious volume
Which---when I read it---all fits together like a puzzle would.
Every piece in place the way it's supposed to be.

Yet, I look at the inconsistent effort.
I taught myself what direct and indirect objects were;
I enjoyed that little lesson I learned on YouTube.
I spent an entire summer learning all the points of grammar and linguistics.
But, if you tell me to learn all of that on someone else's time;
Or, if I must go to the gym twice a week---so to speak, as is the battle right now---
I'd much rather go walk in the park
And when I'm ready, come into the gym to do my barbells.

It's a rhythm in my life which only writing can satisfy.
I chose this profession wisely
Because it's the only one I could consistently do.
I can write a novel of the course of three years
And work on several dozen other projects in that same time of reference.
I can work on multiple books, multiple disciplines at my own pace.
And I'm a prolific autodidact, having mastered seven or eight subjects.

My curriculum is self made, self inflicted.
But, I am not an engine.
I am not a machine.
That is why I never did well at school.
It's even why my best subjects were the ones I failed them most at.
Because I have to want to learn Past Participles and Helper Verbs;
Everything has to be handed to me in neatly formatted and compendious ways.
I cannot learn something small over a long period of time,
I must learn it all in a few moments.
If I earned my PhD, I'm not sure I could
Except that some university awarded it to me
Based on my efforts outside of the classroom.
Because in the classroom, I'm worthless
I've had a few flowering and budding classes
But I want knowledge not school.
And I work---consistently, I've worked about a seven hour a day work week
Or four hours every day. I'd say that is about my working habit
About four and a half hours every day.
If it's not studying diverse subjects on YouTube
It's reading, or writing, or finding inspirations in the wind.

Yes, in just about every English Class I failed.
I have nightmares about it---
My College Courses I passed with flying colors
But that inconsistent effort.
My best college courses were done over the summers---
When everything came at me fast and in compendious form.
Over the six month hauls of traditional spring or winter courses
I didn't do so well. In fact I struggled
Because my life has been on a biorhythm 
Where I'm highly productive over short bursts of time
And in those times I am capable of prodigious genius.
But, in the times when I'm not, I take up the pen
And---while some writers have writer's block,---
I have it in a different way, where my mind dulls
And I must refuel it elsewhere with some other form of tinder.

For Utopia, blood flows through the rivers
Like wine, and unlike Cortez's troop
The soldiers drink and lap up the brine.

Utopia will never exist.
And those who desire it
Will spill blood.

That is not to say that blood ought to never be spilled,
Only that the Utopian will often be the first to spill it
And they will kill the peace of multitudes to appease their angst.