My Conversion Story

Well… my conversion story is quite fascinating.

From a young age, I was steeped in American Paganism. Santa Clause, Leprechauns, Valentines Day (Cupid), Easter Bunnies, Tooth Fairies, and a little Chinese Zodiac for spice. That was my religion. There on the Chinese Place Mat. And of course Star Wars was real, and Robots were real, and so were aliens—Alf was a real alien on the TV. And I didn’t like Christianity. They taught me in Sunday School, when I was very young, Jesus Loves me. And all I knew about the Bible was that Abraham had lots of children—I thought he bore children with Sarah, literally, the number of the stars. And there were a lot of stars. And of course I thought of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. And of course I was a futurist… I believed in real robots, the robot at the Hospital where my brother was born, was just like R2D2. It had a conscience just like me. And of course I knew the 10 Commandments, the story of Exodus through Charlton Heston’s portrayal of Moses. Literally, that was all I knew.

Fast forward to about 12 or 13, I had Vacation Bible school, where they went through the Gospels, and then Sunday School. I learned the story of Jesus. And I fell in love with the story of Jesus. I heard His Parables, I heard His miracles, I heard everything. And I fell in love with the Gospel. Now, try to tell me about Paul, I would have resisted it. Try to tell me about the wars in the Bible, or the conquest of Canaan, I would have resisted it. It was just Jesus. As is true for any child, we want the pure teachings of Jesus. You know? With American Folk Religion, it’s a lot like Shintoism, where you do good, and be a good person, you go to the better place. You are a bad person, and you do bad things, they can’t be forgiven. You got to the bad place. That was my religion, and Jesus had the best “Good Place” teachings in the world—of course, He’s God’s Son—that was my religion still. I loved Jesus, but didn’t quite understand or grasp the cross. Because up to this point, I hadn’t any reason to grasp it. I was a good person, to my own beliefs,—despite knowing it wasn’t true, which I assume is also true for lots of other people—and there was no reason for me to need forgiveness. Jesus was a good teacher, so if I stayed good, I’d go to heaven.

Well, then I sinned. You can read all about it. I have no secrets. So, after sinning, I started understanding the deeper concepts of the faith. Like Paul. Why we needed forgiveness, was told by Paul. Because we've all sinned. So, where I would have rebelled against Jesus had I known Paul’s teachings before I sinned, after I sinned, I understood why Paul’s teachings were like that.

So, I became a Christian through Jesus—I had that foundation, on the Sermon on the Mount—but I was a flagrant, and unabashed sinner, from about 8 years old to 25. It just came out in various ways. In the later years as self righteousness and vanity.

So, I’d say I knew I had sinned, and needed God’s mercy, and so I started believing in Paul. Get me to accept the Torah, I needed more time for that. The fact that God told Israel to enslave and destroy entire cultures would be a while, before I understood that. But, that I’ll get to.

So, around I’d say 20 I was really confronted with my sin. Maybe even 21. I had confronted it, and then decided to get into a Messianic Jewish Cult. And started all this sacred name, and observing feasts, and Sabbaths, and abstaining from food. Which taught me about Jewish Culture a lot—so as a fast, it was very educational. I have a root in Hebrew culture, knowing from having lived it, what it’s actually like. Although, at this time, I confessed my sin to a police officer, and ended up on Sex Offender Probation and in jail for five months, and a registry for 10 years. Which, goes to show, being 14 doesn’t mean squat to the police, neither does a repentant conscience. They don’t care. So, just a fair warning to those of you out there thinking they will. They won’t. Just take your lashes, and accept your life.

Then around 23, I went to a Baptist church, who taught me all the Old Testament. And although the Preacher was a very knowledgeable person, we didn’t really mix. We were oil and vinegar. But, he taught me a bedrock of the story of the Prophets. Which comprises about 1/3 of the entire Bible. I had known the Gospel, and Exodus, but didn’t know that, and that was foundational. And when I was in Jail, I listened to Jay Vernon McGee, and he taught me exegesis on the Old Testament. And then a chaplain in there told me to read Galatians, and I realized my Hebrew Roots movement was not what the Gospel was preaching. In fact, Jesus was clear, not to mix the leaven of the Old Covenant with the New. So as I was once in a Subway talking to a gentleman about grace—he was a very mature Christian—I let him eat his pork, because I was acknowledging I was doing a fast. Which taught me a lot… it gave me a great knowledge, and I’d say for anyone who wants to do a fast following the Torah for some period do it, and study the Hebrew Culture, you’ll really identify with it. But also, eat the Calamari at Baltimore. You might never have that chance again.

So, then I found the Apostolic Fathers, and Martyrs Mirror, and The Old Testament Apocrypha, and Mesopotamian History around the time I turned 30… and that’s about the time I started getting it right, and getting it back again. Slowly, I’m turning into the best of all my forms, and hopefully I only grow. Because I think being connected with the faith, in its historicity—studying the Martyrs, ANE history, and the evidence and the Apocrypha and the Church Fathers—I think it connected me back to a faith that, getting to the first part, was in the world around me, I just didn’t embrace it. But, it was the prevailing religion, and everyone I knew believed it. And it made a such better world, and I remember it being without eccentricity, and sober, and also very loving. And I think that was ultimately what converted me, was knowing that love, and associating it with Christianity. As without Christianity, I wouldn’t have known that love.

Now, getting to the Torah, why does God call His people to war? Well, I’ve seen the world grow shallow, and dark, and I think that’s the last lesson on a Christian’s journey. It’s an entire cycle. You know in Star Wars, Luke Skywalker kills Storm Troopers. You know? You know the Empire is evil. It’s just, tasting that evil, you have to understand it must be resisted with bloodshed sometimes. So, you begin to look at youth, and see they are corrupted too, and you realize that there must be a time for war. And it’s inevitable that it happens, so there' isn’t an overwhelming amount of suffering for a particular people. As when righteousness abounds, there’s peace. But, when there’s great wickedness, there’s war. And good people have to fight… and when there is no more good people, the good people have to lay down their lives as Martyrs. As is what happened under Rome.

As Christ said, “I came not to bring peace, but the Sword,” And that, because the sword provides a way for peace to be restored.

But in-between that, you realize that there must be forgiveness, and mercy. That’s where many stop. Is at Jesus, when He’s the beginning. And His second coming at Armageddon is the End, along with His Millennial Kingdom where there cannot be sin.

The Meaning of Life

The Wise Man's Meaning

Read George Eliot like Dr. Seuss.
Do a Geometry problem with ease of algebra.
Write with lucidity of the sages.
You have a complete education.

Love a wife like she were your own soul.
Feel her sting, and make flesh and bone from her flesh and bone.
Love your parents and grandparents who sired you.
Love your aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.

Work with sweat pouring off your brow.
Use wisdom in your craft, and be mindful of your every forge.
Understand the hidden mysteries, and seek out many counsels.
Combine what works of all men’s advice, and you shall be well.

This is life. Eat good food, drink good drink,
And love and learn and labor.
That is all life is for;
You discover this, you shall be content.

The Fool's Meaning

Avoid reading, for it is wearisome.
Math is not as important as play.
Write in the common tongue, for no one understands the sages.
Education is for making money, nothing more.

Make love to whomever you please,
For they shall be gone tomorrow.
Relationships are warm bodies and grow tiresome.
Family is not important, if they suit no need.

Work to eat, for it is burdensome.
Do the minimum to get paid, and no more.
There is no need to do it well, or learn from a master.
Just find all the art of your career from yourself.

This is life: adventure, play, and infatuation.
Eat or drink, it matters nothing.
That is all life is for, is to play
And it is all for thrills and enjoyment.

If They Can Sell a Poop Stain

If they can sell a poop stain hung up in an art museum--and they can--they can sell a story with digression. People in power make these rules to stop people from thinking. It's like a chain, where influencers come up with some shifty idea, and then indoctrinate their followers, until it spreads like a virus. And most of the 21st century's main concepts and ideas are just that, that's why there's so much violence right now.

Psalm 22

**22 **My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?
This is what Jesus quoted on the cross, to indicate the reason He died.
**2 **O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent.
Jesus cried out for the repentance of the people, so He wouldn’t have to die. “Father, if it is your will, take this cup from me.” But the people sinned, and therefore put Him to death.
**3 **But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.
He is Holy, and is the praise of Israel.
**4 **Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them.
The people like Noah, and Abraham, and David trusted in God, and He did deliver them. So also, He’ll deliver Christ—through the resurrection.
**5 **They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded.
They cried onto God, and He delivered them, because they trusted in Him, and were not confounded. How many of us are confounded when trouble comes? But Christ wasn’t confounded. Like Abraham was with Isaac, He knew God would provide the lamb, and would not suffer Christ to see decay.
**6 **But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people.
He is low. He was impoverished, and lower than the prostitutes. The people saw nothing in Him to glorify, and saw He was nothing, so they mocked Him. Except the poor and destitute whom He healed.
**7 **All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying,
And the people mock Him on the cross,
**8 **He trusted on the Lord that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him.
They said let God deliver Him—which they did, if you remember. They said that very thing to Jesus on the cross.
**9 **But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts.
He was in His mother’s womb, and trusted on His mother’s breast, John the Baptist leapt for joy at Christ, when he was in his mother’s womb, because Jesus was the Christ.
**10 **I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.
He was given to God from the womb. He was God’s servant even in the womb.
**11 **Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help.
There was no one to help Him. They all fled the scene, when Christ was being crucified, and God would not help Him either. He was going to be put to death, for the sin of the world.
**12 **Many bulls have compassed me: strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round.
Many evildoers compassed Him, Pilate, Caiaphas, the priests, the Roman guards. God would not deliver Him, but rather gave Him over to death.
**13 **They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion.
They accused Him of wanting to supplant the temple, and burn it down. And they forged a lie against Him, that got Him in trouble. It was all false accusations, and these people lied about Him so much, and they had HIm crucified for nothing He did wrong. Just for a misinterpreted metaphor.
**14 **I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels.
WHen He was on the Cross, his bones would have pulled out of joint, and when He was pierced, water poured out of His wound. His heart was troubled, and He was about to suffer a heart attack, which is consistent with John’s Gospel.
**15 **My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death.
He was very afraid on that day, and sweat blood, and His tongue cleaved to His mouth, and He had no rest, as He was being put to death and shame for our sins.
**16 **For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet.
Here, the assembly of Dogs put Him to death. It talks about His crucifixion, where He had His feet and hands pierced. And that is the word there.
**17 **I may tell all my bones: they look and stare upon me.
He didn’t lose a bone, despite being scourged—which could take out bones from the body—like the Lamb of God at the sacrifice, His bones were not broken.
**18 **They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture.
The centurions cast lots for His garments, as it says. They took His garments from Him, and cast lots over them, because they were greedy for His only possession. Really, the only possession Jesus had, which may have been made by His mother and was His most cherished possession. Like Joseph’s coat of many colors. Imagine losing your most prized possession, the thing you held dear, after being brutally tortured and put to death. And He did it for the World’s Sin.
**19 **But be not thou far from me, O Lord: O my strength, haste thee to help me.
He’s crying out to God to raise Him, and give Him victory over the Grave.
**20 **Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog.
Do not let His soul be given to the Sword or the power of the dog. Don’t let Him be placed in Hell for eternity. Rather, He wants God to raise Him, and give Him victory over the Grave, and therefore, our Sins.
**21 **Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns.
He has cried out to God like a Shofar. He has sounded his Harp, and cried out to God for His life to be redeemed from the grave. He has made His petition known, and has sounded His plea. He made known to God His petition
**22 **I will declare thy name unto my brethren: in the midst of the congregation will I praise thee.
And He made known His petition among the brethren, and in the congregation. He showed His faith, and spoke truth in the Synagogue every Saturday. He spoke truth and brought many to truth, and would not hide His confession, but spoke it boldly.
**23 **Ye that fear the Lord, praise him; all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him; and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel.
Everyone who fears the LORD, should praise Him. Everyone who believes in the LORD should praise His name. Everyone who is the seed of God, which is Israel, whom are His elect servants upon the Earth, all the saved are Israel, and His blood born people too.
**24 **For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.
God did not despise the affliction and wrath Jesus bore. And God did not hide His face from Christ when Jesus cried out to Him.
**25 **My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation: I will pay my vows before them that fear him.
He paid His vows, which was His own blood for the mercy of us sinners. He didn’t sin, and was the Corban Sacrifice made, in Abraham’s Seed, for the redemption of all peoples and nations.
**26 **The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the Lord that seek him: your heart shall live for ever.
The meek shall eat and be satisfied. They shall praise the LORD—in heaven, they’ll have eternity, and eat, and be filled—and their heart shall live forever. They will go to heaven, and live for eternity with good hearts, and strong resurrected Bodies.
**27 **All the ends of the world shall remember and turn unto the Lord: and all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee.
For all eternity, this Gospel will be claimed, and it will be preached in remembrance. It will be talked about, and the nations shall worship Christ, when He returns upon the clouds, and subdues them at Armageddon. Then, once they are subdued, Christ will be worshipped by all the nations of the Earth.
**28 **For the kingdom is the Lord's: and he is the governor among the nations.
The LORD’s is the kingdom, and Christ is the Governor of all the nations. He is most High, and the LORD’s Word come in the Flesh. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, and all things shall be subjected to Christ Jesus at the end.
**29 **All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship: all they that go down to the dust shall bow before him: and none can keep alive his own soul.
The LORD shall make His servants fat and eat, and He shall trouble some, for none can keep alive their soul. Only Christ can keep alive our soul. Only Christ can perform our salvation, and accomplish our rest. We cannot save ourselves, we are completely at Jesus’ mercy.
**30 **A seed shall serve him; it shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation.
The Offspring of Zion shall serve God. The seed of Zion shall serve The Most High. His shall be accounted for a generation. When Christ returns the second time, He shall be born of the Daughter of Zion, and return upon the clouds of heaven, and Her seed shall rule as Christ. And we along with Him. And this seed shall serve the Lord God Jehovah-Jireh.
**31 **They shall come, and shall declare his righteousness unto a people that shall be born, that he hath done this.
And they shall declare the LORD’s righteousness to they who shall be born. That Jesus had done this great thing, and gave us victory over death.

Happiness

You see that I am unhappy
And you then say, "Aha, Aha!"
Without knowing, o thou foul fool
You destroyed my wealth, heart and joy.
As a kid I was full of joy.
I had love in great, great measure.
Rich off the sweet fat of friendship.
Then you all taught me how to sin.
And joy slowly stripped away, self--
I was told to love;---and you too.
Your counsels made me so selfish.
And then you say, "Why, fool, don't you
"Rejoice with the world like we?"
And I say, "I'd rather suffer
"For doing no wrong, than rejoice
"In the mournful glee you possess.
"And then return to my joys once
"Again, when I enter heaven.
"For here, is no more of those great
"Ecstasies I have once tasted."

A Sermon

This is the beginning of folly: God saves you just because He saves you. No prayer, no thanksgiving, no love can save you? Just the arbitrary will of God? The church goes down this path, and it leads to many errors. A man thinks he's saved, and does no good, while another man thinks he's a wretch, but does much. Who was it that Jesus lauded?

I hate to say this, but we labor and run a race. We are not merely chosen, and therefore get to float down the lazy river of life, and reap all the rewards, even into the hereafter. We must lose our life for the Gospel's sake, keep in mind the poor, and repent every day and beg God for spiritual fruits, as many men think to ask Jesus for worldly prosperity, and woe to the man whom it is given, if there were no spiritual gifts desired by that man. That is carnality, to pray for wives, houses, fame and children, but not the gifts of the Spirit. I wish people would have taught me that. Because that's what the Church needs.