How Long I’ve Waited

How long I’ve waited

And nothing has come.

A thousand prayers answered

But they are always the wrong ones.

 

What I ask for pleasure

I do not get.

What I ask for pain,

It comes and haunts me

For a week or two.

 

God sits silent

And laughs at me

His enemy.

Or so I believe

Though God is not my enemy.

I am not His enemy.

 

Rather, every harsh word I utter

Is proven true,

Every sentence and every punishment

I give myself is given weight.

I bear the burden of my sin.

How I wish the LORD would unyoke it from my neck

And loosen the noose of the words I’d uttered.

 

Not like witchcraft,

But rather, like some form of spell

Swirling around my head

That I myself had uttered.

Spies bring it the fruition…

They invade my life.

They listen…

Or is it family members?

Who is it, that listens to me

And brings my most troubled fears to pass?

Not God… for if it were Him

I would have peace.

Rather, the troubling truth

Is that it is not God

But rather my enemies

Are propounding and unraveling this life

Of mine…

Piece by piece.

Love by love.

 

They are replacing everything I love

With wormwood.