There is a Crushing Amount of Weight on Me

There is a crushing amount of weight on me

To think, “I had spent this whole time

“On something that hasn’t worked.”

I spent an entire lifetime trying to work at this art.

It has not earned me much.

 

Yesterday,

I realized that nobody is stealing from me.

Rather, nobody wants my work.

The hardest pressed thing in my heart

Is to find that my best isn’t good enough.

But, this is all I can do.

 

I feel like I’m trapped in a cage,

Where every time I try to leave it

I am shocked.

So, I am trained not to leave the cage.

I feel sad, and confused.

I feel slighted and cheated.

 

Did I prophesy for gain?

Every prophecy I’ve spoken

I have not earned money from.

I will not.

I do not prophesy for gain.

I do not believe I do.

 

Rather… I am tired and confused.

I am broken and undone.

I have looked for the first ripe fruit

As Micah says,

And behold, “Woe”.

When will I eat from my work?

Soon I hope.

Why will nobody liberate my work?

Why does none purchase it?

I do not know.

I feel like I am not a prophet.

I do not feel like a prophet.

Rather, if I waiver, it is because I know by saying

It does not establish.

No, the LORD establishes,

And if I speak, it does not happen.

Then it was not the LORD.

 

Men will into existence their success?

If wills were what gave us success,

Then I would be twice over a billionaire.

It is not will that gives success

But the honor and blessing of the LORD.

I do not doubt Him,

But rather doubt myself.

If I were to doubt,

It is better that I doubt myself.