I’m in a raft, floating.
I find myself, soon, fighting.
I don’t know who started it
Me or them.
Children start fighting me.
It gets more violent.
They draw knives and box cutters,
And letter openers.
I can feel the razors cut.
I find myself losing.
Soon I enlist the help of my nethinim.
They—the nethinim—turn into pigs
Dressed in the wrong gender’s clothing.
Pigs are symbols of prosperity.
Pain is a symbol of danger.
Children represent the next generation.
A log flume—quite extravagant,
Brightly colored;— very interesting
How it splits. It turns into less like a log flume
Built into a tunnel into a laboratory or school like
My uncle calls me an idiot.
Pigs symbolize prosperity; at least, filth.
My nethinim turning into pigs, might be my latent fear of success.
The children turning them into pigs, might be my latent fear
Of no one understanding my stories
Or making them mean something different than what they are intended to mean.
The Peter Pan thing has been bothering me recently,
For some reason… that maybe I don’t believe people would
Interpret my stories correctly.
Maybe they would make them filthy, cross dressing pigs;
I have been fantasizing about an Anime concept of turning
Great Anime Characters into Nethanim… it has been entertained a lot.
Yet, the danger arises of people misunderstanding the purpose of
The Nethanim, not as actual warriors
But kind of like they would view Goku
Or Saitama, kind of like that
Which is not what a Nethanim is intended for.
They are intended to be metaphors to overcome.
Overcome what? The bombardment of bad ideas
We inevitably must figure out.
Generally, they fight a lot of Nietzsche.
I am afraid of people using them,
And double that, the people making them
Just another fantasy creature.
The Nethinim is the one singing the song.
They are singing the song in order to align
Their thoughts right. I have resistance
Saying it’s for Christ…
Though, I want it to be.
I think, generally speaking,
The Nethinim are there to overcome
Nihilism, drive away our demons
Drive away our evil thoughts,
But they turn into pigs;
Not just pigs, but like flesh demons
Or pigs. I think that maybe
Offering them to the public
Would be a hard step
Because the public would misuse them
And I’m fighting an intellectual battle,
And perhaps I have chosen something personal for me.
I don’t know if a Nethinim should be used
As a fantasy creature, like a Vampire or Warewolf.
I think the metaphysical nature of them
Prohibits their use as a simple creature like a Hobbit.
They are guardians of the mind,
Not guardians of the flesh.
I’m afraid of, perhaps
Creating a real world object
When I mean to only create a mental object
One to purify the thought processes.
And I might be afraid if they are misused,
The device will function wrong
And drive the mind into more demons
As in I fear the delusitory nature of the Nethanim
To override the metaphorical significance of what they mean.
As, their nature is to wrestle with the truth.
It’s not necessarily about Christ…
I know that sounds weird coming from a Christian
But they are not merely Christian objects.
They can’t be, because there are strifes in all religions
Which the Nethinim, it doesn’t seem, can help.
It might be fear of them becoming a religious object
Or sacred, rather than to just function as they appear to be meant for
Which is a mental guardian against the real world
Ideas that we ultimately must face as intellectuals.
Nethinim cannot be mere characters.
They are simply the mind’s device
Into the realm of the subconscious battles
To draw out the demonic influences—
Namely, the shadows in our dreams
Which have no corporeal existence—
Those latent fears of the Shadow Self
Overcoming the conscious.
They are there to battle
And perhaps I have a fear of them becoming
Profaned for their being misunderstood
By the inherent refusal of the children
We’re bringing up in schools
To accept a meaning…
Rather they are prone to invent a meaning
When the meaning is clear,
Or they turn to meanings that are less difficult
To a story of “Who is stronger.”
It’s been my rumination that a Nethinim is stronger
Because they do not do battle with the ink
On an anime, they do battle with the mind’s interpretation of the anime
And if they are not used for this, they are inherently not being used correctly
Therefore, the beauty of the Nethanim could be turned into foul swine.
I find angst when I’m lying to myself,
And peace when I interpret the dream correctly.
As a final note, I’m probably afraid of losing my mind.
I see my family is angry at me for chasing after this dream
And I am beginning to believe myself an idiot
Because I don’t believe the metaphors can be understood.
Because I’m being called an idiot
For—as a personal note—striving for the best
In my product. My uncle came to dinner
Ate some of my scalloped potatoes,
Which were good—the whole batch was eaten.
But I was displeased with them.
Why this story is attached to my Uncle saying I’m an idiot…
I can only say it’s not that I think he believes my cooking is good
In other words, my writing. There is temptation to say that
But the emotional significance of the metaphor is that
He believes I’m an idiot, probably for my treatment of the subject
Being that I pursue my craft to an incomprehensible
Level; I go beyond what is right there before him—
What I latently knew he was satisfied with
And I go into a realm of taking what is already gourmet
To a level beyond it.
This might be the reason why Goku appears in my dreams a lot;
Often going Super Saiyan out to the god level now…
Which is fiercely negative in my mind.
I might believe I’m going to far with my craft
Into a realm of “godhood” which is not right for man.
Let it be clear, I’m not calling myself a god.
I believe I’m simply questioning the practice
Of going beyond what was already gourmet.
Being called an idiot for it—
With my Uncle’s bluntness—
Is probably the reason why I have started writing
Nature poetry with simple metaphors today.