I wrote a poem
And realized I’d be a hypocrite.
I write in England’s style
But hate Soccer.
I don’t want soccer here.
When I go somewhere,
I like the best quality.
I suppose the Conch Fritters in Florida
Would be just as good in Pennsylvania
Should someone care to make them
With the appropriate recipes.
I suppose what I don’t like
Is when someone makes a Taco
Without using Cumin
Or Chili Powder.
I suppose mint doesn’t belong
Though, some Mexican dishes
Might have mint—
I do say I probably had some
Where mint was good.
Because, the person understood
The point of quality.
This is my real issue with America
Adopting things like Soccer
We have four sports
Already wildly popular in our country.
And, everyone knows at least seven teams
From each sport.
It’s like indulging in something
That’s already satisfied.
We don’t need Soccer.
Because Japan playing baseball seems as natural to me
Given the thought, as Venezuela
Or Babe Ruth playing baseball.
It is something that makes sense
And is culturally appropriate.
America does not need Rugby
Or Soccer, or Cricket,
Or Lacrosse, or any of the number of other bizarre sports
That we tend to try to hype up and culturally appropriate.
Like, Eminem should rap.
It’s not like that.
It’s more along the lines of this:
What you rap about is important.
If you’re rapping about being a terrible girlfriend
And you’re boasting about how evil you are…
It’s best not to rap about that.
Eminem did not boast in evil.
Rather, he just stated the fact nobody wanted to acknowledge.
The fact that suburban kids were pretty hardcore
And were turning into what were essentially sociopaths.
Soccer falls in line with this very simply:
We have four sports that people regularly watch.
That’s two or three more than the average country.
We don’t need to prove to the world that we’re better at soccer
Because it’s kind of sad.
India plays cricket.
It makes sense. They’re patient
They like thinking.
They have ties to Great Britain.
America would be pretty strange playing Cricket
When we have Baseball.
Though, London loves my Phillies
I have to say… But we don’t go colonize one of their stadiums
With a baseball field.
And if we did, it’d be more appropriate than a football field.
Which, the NFL wants to put football fields in Germany and Britain.
It’s strange… it’s annoying. It’s indulgent.
It’s hard for me to justify.
A person does not need every sport in their country.
They don’t need to know every card game possible.
They certainly don’t need to know how to play Contact Bridge and Pinochle
And on top of that fifty other trick taking games;
Unless they were a professional,
But then, that person knowing other games as well
Such as all of them…
I write stories with morals.
I don’t write stories for entertainment.
Because that is my choice…
To write meaningless stories
In an age where all stories are meaningless
For me to go and write a story
For the purpose of simply making money
I have nineteen books on my bookshelf
All of them I’ve written
And spent ten years writing.
For me to turn around and write a modern novel
Like Clive Cussler is indulgent.
I don’t need to write like James Paterson.
Not because I can’t.
But because Baseball is an American sport.
And it’s also popular in Japan.
There are things which are timely for certain countries
And in an age dominated by Capitalism
It’s hard to preserve cultural traditions.
Which, is why I chose cultural traditions to write in.
Because they need preserved
Otherwise who knows what bloodsport might pop up.
Maybe people hitting each other with actual weapons
In an arena, and it ending up on History Channel.
Oh! That’s a real thing. Sorry.
My imagination wasn’t so sharp there.