Fairy Tales don’t exist. Hard work does. Love is just an emotion. But, the best part of a relationship comes when the person you had those emotions for is now like family. I’ve never had that, but I know it exists because I see it in older couples.
We often have a problem with equating success at love with some divine luck or providence; with some eye catching first glimpse and a deep well of oozing affection. It’s more or less about two people willing to give it all they have. It’s also very dirty.
The best love story I have is actually not romantic, but toward an animal. I got a dog I didn’t want. I didn’t want it because it had bit me; and it always terrorized me before I was its owner.
Then, I realized it was mine… I had to take care of it… he was completely reliant on my capabilities to take care of him… and I never really grew emotionally attached to him. But, he’s my favorite dog because he taught me what real love is.
My other animals I had overwhelming emotional connections to, the whole time I owned them. Scruffy was different. I had no real feeling toward him, but instead I had an overwhelming amount of something real. Something that let me know what love actually is.
And I cared about that dog more than my other dogs on the very nature he was the only dog I had to take care of. If I didn’t feed him, or do his water a certain way, he would get sick. And, ultimately, we had to give him up to my cousin and he died a couple of months later. I didn’t weep. I didn’t cry. I simply laid on my couch for an entire day, and wouldn’t move. I was told by my dad to move, but I knew if I moved I would never properly grieve my animal and I would be an emotional mess for a long time.
So… the moral of my story, is that you have to sometimes be ready to accept the fact that the “Fairy Tale” is a story about a character bringing someone fortune. Because if you don’t realize that, you’ll fall into a trap of never actually loving anyone.
I had wrote this as a response to someone’s blog. And it’s overwhelmingly true. I had a really deep emotional connection with my mom’s dog. But, when she passed recently, it wasn’t this deep mourning it was for Scruffy. I had strong emotions toward her. Some of the strongest I’d ever felt for an animal. But Scruffy I didn’t have those emotions for, and I loved him more.
I think Americans in general are confused about love. They are preoccupied with the endorphins and hormones of love. They think that is what love is… when, as my mom said, it’s just an emotion. You can have emotions toward anyone. It’s not really love. It’s actually a very selfish thing to call that love because if you’ve felt those emotions, but don’t actually care about the person you’re having emotions for, it’s all it is. Emotions.
That’s my experience anyway. I loved Scruffy. I had feelings for Miley. I loved Miley, too. Of course. I’d take her for walks every time I was over—except for a year or two I decided not to, which I’m ashamed to even say. I thought my brother should take her for walks.
And I saw something overtly nasty on the television. The epitome of emotions without true love.
There are a lot of things I can relate this to, but won’t. I just think the American relationship suffers from a lack of understanding what the relationship is for. Relationships are not for pleasure. They are for survival. And great emotional bonds can develop overtime. But great emotional bonds are ephemera. And when two people “Fall out of love” it’s like saying to a mother or father, or a brother or sister, “I don’t love you.” You wouldn’t do that no matter how annoying or obnoxious they are. Unless you’re really depraved. The same should be treated in marriage. When the feelings go away—and they often do—the best part of the relationship remains. The part that lets you know you have a friend, an ally, a partner, a sibling who you’re not actually related to, and you get to have children with them.
B. K. Neifert 