So, I was looking through this
And it seemed alright at first.
Then there were some things said.
First off… it’s just wrong.
Love is not a mechanism for pleasure.
It is a mechanism for survival.
Survival of the species.
Survival of your own children.
Survival of yourself, because it helps you become financially stable.
It says some things that are just wrong.
“Don’t be jealous.” We often forget just how important our spouse is.
Our very survival depends on them.
Our very life depends on them.
When you enter into a marriage contract
You are surrendering your autonomy
And your own self ownership.
You are now giving someone else
A piece of your own life.
To call it abusive to want to be with your partner
Shows a lack of understanding what abuse is.
This behavior occurs when the other partner is narcissistic
And abusive themselves.
The other fact is, of course, introversion.
Some people are comfortable around less people
And they cling to someone as a safety net.
They need this safety net
Because it is as cohesive a bond as a mother
Brother or sister or father.
To dissolve that bond
Or to inhibit it from being created
Is what the problem is in American culture.
Nobody can create solid
Cohesive family units
Because we surrender our communal nature
For independence.
This is why I scratch my head.
As the physicists say,
“It’s not even wrong.”
This is talking about addition
When the topic is not even about math.
This is talking about chemistry
When you’re trying to have a conversation about religion.
It’s so out of the norm for me
To understand that, yes, there are people who are abusive.
But, abuse, in my experience, is two ways.
There is no innocent party in a relationship
Most of the times.
Unless there is some kind of physical altrication
Emotional abuse
Is occurring from both parties,
Not just one.
And the reason for this is because
The fidelity of trust has been dissolved.
And when you are married,
That is locked into a lifetime contract with someone
It is imperative
For your kid’s sake
Your sake
Your other family member’s sake
That you fix it
Any way you can.
That might mean getting religion.
That might mean stop drinking alcohol.
That might mean quitting your job.
That might mean spending a lot of time with someone.
Families and relationships should occupy most of our time
As human beings. Not work. Not play. Not anything else.
Romantic relationships are far more important than even children.
And the reason why is because the romance
Is what creates the happy environment for the children.
When you sidestep this very real thing;—
When there is emotional neglect on the half of one party
Or smothering on the other—
They usually work in tandem—
This, if the parties are married
Must be overcome.
And usually, the one in the relationship who seems needy
They are the one who ought to be appeased.
Because they are usually the more emotionally mature person
In the relationship.
Because selfishness is a trait of emotional immaturity.
And pandering to it, when someone feels the need to smother
They recognize the availability of their partner
To others, and the risk of losing them
Because it exists.
Of course, there are examples where smothering is wrong.
And of course there are exceptions to every rule.
But my experience is that “Emotional Abuse” is two ways.
It’s a give and take, as much as the good is.
Which is why you can’t say one partner is bad
And the other is good.
It’s six to twelve, half a dozen the other.
Normally it means one partner is invested,
And the other isn’t.
And when this occurs, it’s evidence of that
One partner is less interested.
In dating relationships, it is probably best that
The relationship end.
In marriage, it’s important that the selfish partner
Comes closer to the one in need.
And that needy partner does not leave
Because they need…
Communication often will happen
When you’re at your wit’s end.
The time you are ready to give up
On a relationship
That might just be the day
That your relationship can be healed
If you’re married.
And relationships are work.
All things in life worth attaining are.
And if we don’t realize this
It’s going to continue this cycle we’ve seen
Of divorce and unhappy families.
B. K. Neifert 