Our Products

Truth is for sale—

Opinions, and neat little downloads

For our curious minds.

We sell them, like Bleach

Or like Coca-Cola.

Green is worth a few hundred million

Beta and Alpha males worth a couple more.

Libertarianism is a huge market

And Conspiracy Theories takes them all by storm.

Big Foot and Mermaids are now our History,

Aliens built the Pyramids.

Feminism makes lots of money—

Someone prospers off those vagina hats…

Republicanism and Democratism

Make a good, solid investment

Like they were treasury bonds.

They’re a small investment,

But one worth the time that you will ALWAYS make some money.

Multilevel Marketing schemes are worth a lot of money

So is self help.

So are the books we read,

So is the NFL trying to arbitrate Tuesday

As our holy day of doing laundry.

 

These are our products.

They are so efficient at being products,

That nobody really can get a word in edge wise.

It must all be cannon, and orthodox doctrine

According to the holy write

Of radicalism.

It must not be original

But must tout one party line.

 

If you believe in Markets

You must not believe in Global Warming.

 

If you believe in God

You must not believe in Evolution.

 

If you believe in gun rights

You must not believe in free healthcare.

 

See, it’s party lines

That have cornered the market on truth

And also their lies.

 

With truth on both sides of the argument

And lies therewith

The lies we believe are only as accurate as the truths we

Passionately hold onto; because we know the truth is accurate.

But, until the truth no longer exists

And only lies exist in our dogmas,

Those dogmas

Will be our indulgences.

 

Call me Martin Luther

Nailing my Ninety-Nine theses

On the door of Branding.

Brand is in my name;—

But, like you I am just another product.

 

Like Dogs

We make a cameo

In our lives, our

Perfectly specious lives; Lo!

Through the edges.