I Know the Rules, I Just Break Them

When I write in correct English,

It bores me to tears.


“When” is a subordinative conjunction

Creating an adjectival clause,

Modifying “It”, the subject of the sentence.

If I said in the previous sentence

“Which is the subject” it would be a nominative or noun clause.

“I” is a noun, not the subject of the poem.

“in correct” is a prepositional phrase

More specifically, an adverbial phrase modifying “write”.

“Write in correct” is not the predicate.

“I” is an indirect object. “English” is a direct object,

Of a subordanitive or dependent clause.

“Correct” is an adjective.

I would have used an adverb, with an “ly”

But that is not correct English.


“It” is the subject of the sentence.

“Bores me to tears” is the predicate.

“It bores me to tears” is an independent clause.

“Me” is a direct object. “To tears” is a prepositional phrase,

An adverbial phrase modifying “Bores.”


Modern prescriptions are that you can’t use

Helper verbs.

A Helper verb is a conjugation of Be, Being or Been.

You can’t use weak verbs. Like “Sees” or “Looks” or “Seems” or “Ought.”

You ought to have two clauses and two phrases max in a sentence—

That’s my ridiculous rule for you.

You cannot use Passive Voice.

Passive voice is a voice that uses anything beside a Simple tense.

That means Present Continuous

Present Perfect

Present Perfect Continuous

Are not allowed! No no!


You can’t use gerunds to start a clause

Or phrase—

Though I do.

You can’t use participles to start a phrase or clause.

But I do.


I use dangling and hanging modifiers…


Really, everything I do breaks rules.


Truthfully, everything fun about writing

Needs to go away

If you’re using modern rules.


But, at least you know I know them.


But, can you say you had fun reading this?

I had a blast writing it.


And because people are Grammar Snobs

Half of stuff proscribed against is Grammatical.

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