I Just Don’t Believe Anymore

I see the Christians telling me it is a sin to admonish gays.
I see the Bible---I won't even get into it.
I see the gospel is "Believe and you'll be saved."
I see the wicked flourishing.
I see the righteous poor.
I see people's property is looted.
And God sits by,
As the stars fall,
And allows this suffering.

I know a distant echo of a religion...
It is in my memories,
But this thing called Christianity is not it.
That distant echo I believe in.
But whether God has punished me I don't know;
According to Christians it is a sin to try and seek Him,
And according to Christians it is a sin to desire righteousness.
It is a sin to want to be holy, so I blasphemed. 

I don't know what I believe in.
I believe in Christ's Sermons,
And Paul's Epistles,
And the suffering of Jeremiah and John the Baptist.
I believe in the Martyrdom of Polycarp and Ignatius.
I believe in something...

But what I see the theologians saying,
And what I see the pastors saying,
And what I see the Biblical Scholars saying,
That is not it.