Category: Uncategorized
I suffer the ridicule of many...
My work is called bad.
I spend 20 years doing it.
I can write epic poems,
But it is called "Word Salad."
Though, it can be understood,
And it is beautiful.
I write novels, but every sentence
Needs to be whittled down.
I struggle with the Piano.
I struggle with everything in life.
My body just won't let me do what I want to do.
And I have God, but I remember
All my friends and family
Making me small and little...
As the world does today.
I truly don't know if He hates me...
If that's why I received schizophrenia.
I don't know if the secret to Christianity
Is that we don't have to try at all...
And we can just live free and however we want to.
I don't know if trying is a sin;
If desiring to be good is what's truly evil;
I have very little emotions now.
My dreams accuse me,
Sometimes mocking me as if they were God.
I sing "Ave Maria"---Maria is not my god.
But I dream it, and the little image flashes before my eyes, and says,
"The dog ate my religion."
I do not know if I will create a cult---
I don't mean to.
The woman who I've never known
Twists me a thousand different ways.
I am still poor.
I am still ridiculed.
I am called "Stupid"
Though I know a thing or two.
Why do I love God, though?
Because the God of the Bible---
The one who caused Hadad to attack Solomon---
Is good.
We are not to slay the Edomites,
For they have some things right.
The preacher says they should have been slain to the last,
But I saw Joab do it, and I know Joab is wrong.
And Satan is like Joab...
So I cannot ally with him.
And I saw the star fall from heaven,
So I cannot believe in science.
I see Trump is figuring himself to be a Messiah,
And I see Christians banning with him...
I say he is no messiah.
But why did God do this to me?
Is it some sort of test?
To shake me to my core foundations,
And see what's left?
He has shaken me.
But I still cling.
For, I was a genius, and was treated like a retarded child.
I was able to do my business, but it was always done for me.
I was made into a pariah, even before anyone knew I had done wrong.
Maybe that's why I'd done wrong?
And I say, "Is it God doing this to me?
"Does God loathe my soul?
"Are Gays actually right?
"Are Transgenders?
"Is it a sin to preach on righteousness?
"Is it a sin to tell the truth?"
And then I see this wisdom:
"Blessed be ye if you hate this life, for you shall gain it."
And they strip it from me,
This little shred of wisdom
Saying, "No, you must love your life, and be prosperous.
"That is the only way to be saved."
For they grow tares, in Christianity, and only tares.
And then they become roots of bitterness.
For, they don't preach suffering, or sermons on bearing patiently.
Only about how we must be happy at all times,
And not laid to sadness.
Though, can I love my life, and still be saved?
I don't know.
Do I love life?
Yes. In a sense.
I have a thousand blessings...
But when I told "God" in my dream, I prayed the Prayer of Moses
And the Prayer of David, and that Avatar
Tried to make me ashamed.
That is not a god, in my dreams... it is a persecution,
An envy of the demons.
Every word it ever told me was wrong...
Every prophecy failed...
Yet, what I saw, in the strings of Providence,
I saw, and it came true.
For I have dreamed dreams...
I have had visions.
And some were from God...
But others were from Satan.
And I don't call myself a "Prophet"
But when God speaks to you in your dream,
And seems more like an accuser,
You can see for yourself that it is the voice of Satan.
So, I ask you Christians, not to accuse me.
I am on your side, but am delicate.
Do Not Fight Those Whom God Likes
An obscure story, in the Book of I Kings, Solomon was attacked by Edomites and others. Why? Because David, through Joab, caused the Edomites to be slain. And the Law says we are not to abhor an Edomite, so what Joab did, through David's decree, was evil in the LORD's sight.
So, the LORD stirred up the Edomites against Solomon in the latter part of his days. Which Solomon's reign should have been peace for his entirety. But, we all have a choice, and must follow the Law. Had Solomon worshipped only the LORD and not bowed to Ashteroth or Chemosh or Milcom, he would have had peace within his borders. Had he not sacrificed unto abominations, he would have peace. For, he had peace, and it was broken by his decision to awhore after other gods.
Thus, the sins of his father David stirred the Edomites, whom were unlawfully slain by Joab to the last male, to seek revenge against Solomon and his kingdom, and later divide the Kingdom by God's decree. For Joab ought not have slain the Edomites, but this would have been sheltered from Solomon, had Solomon acted in accordance with God's law. Then, none of this evil would have happened, and Solomon would have had peace until he died.
A Better Future
The future I had seen,
Just last night while I sleep...
Was neither good nor bad.
The way a good future ought to be.
There were cars on a grid
Flying high, and would
Move along their neural highways.
AI controlled them,
As the cars moved too fast...
They would go here, and there,
And then to make time pass
They had phones with holograms.
Their worst corruption were from whores
Who I'm not sure how it was borne
But that was what they said came from the orient.
Yet, as I see the pseudoscientists say
That dreams are about the eyes...
I do not believe it is that way.
As, I believe dreams collect
All the senses you impress,
Emotions, thoughts, sights, sounds, touch, smells and taste;
And puts them together through logical chains
To help you process what is made
In your subconscious thoughts.
Like a story or a play
Your dreams will always sway
Your mind to what you think about during the day.
On Thomas Carlyle
[N]ot a philosopher I'd really want to study{}. You might do better studying Descartes or Locke, or even Machiavelli's Discourses on Livy, or Adam Smith. Carlyle was the Grandfather of fascism. A brilliant man... a Polymath... but like all Polymaths, he grossly overestimated the capacity of one man to rule. Democracy is actually far more stable than Monarchy. It produces the most amount of benefits for the most amount of people, for the longest amount of time.
I'd say it did begin with Modernism. That's for sure. Most of our philosophical traditions have been bad for going on 200 years now. That was a reaction to World War I and the French Revolution, they were both so bad, it spurred a counter movement, which to be frank... the Romantic School, the Enlightenment School, and Christ's Moral Clarity were already the counter for. We had it right for about 50 years, from 1950-2001. There was a budding romanticism, checked by realism. Which was really the culmination of the Enlightenment's and Christianity's values. Not Modernism's.
What you do have to understand about him, is he lived right through one of History's most tumultuous times. He saw the effects of the French Revolution--which was very ugly--and it wouldn't look good to him. But, we know the effects it would have were actually good.
Like all things, history goes in cycles. There's period where men are filled with sin, then they get frustrated because that sin causes them to suffer, and then they move to war. And Carlyle saw one of those bad times in history and romanticized the Peace England was feeling. As Dickens had a reason for saying, "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." So do individual civilizations.
What's true, however, is Free Markets are better for people, that have restrictions for the public's [safety]. And so are Democracies better for people, because it puts more minds to the task of figuring a thing out, which 1000 lay people can outthink one 200IQ genius.
So, generally, the "Great Man Theory" is wrong. We see that happening in America right now, that hundreds of interests are at play, and the real movements are top to bottom and middle and all over. Tolstoy actually wrote about that. That kind of historical analysis is more valid, I'd think, than Carlyle's. It's just true, the individual in a collective has far more power than any one man can or ever will. And really, you're doing the right thing, by influencing people to see their own responsibility in the picture. Every one of us has a responsibility to cooperate and do what's good.
On My Failure to Write Essay
I know my essay is my weakest. But, I understand some things, so bear with me. I do good work with understanding how things work, but haven't quite nailed the personal essay. My Epistle, Personal Narrative, Maxim, Poetry and Fiction are strong, and so is my Midrash. But, I am a weak essayist. I suppose everyone has limitations, don't we?
Hope Makes Me a Christian
What happens if there is not a God?
What happens if cruelty makes you truly happy?
What happens if being selfish is truly wise?
What happens if making others suffer makes you feel better about yourself, like truly better?
What happens if being on top is better than being on the bottom?
What happens if men do create morality?
What happens if love is an illusion?
What happens if giving to the poor only hurts you, and doesn't help you?
What happens if prayer doesn't get heard?
What happens if being a good person, actually makes you physically sick?
What happens if being a bad person, actually makes you healthy?
What happens if theft doesn't get punished?
What happens if you should keep every secret?
What happens if sociopaths are happy?
What happens if there is no such thing as truth?
What happens if there is nothing we can truly know?
What happens if our whole lives are completely determined by physics and chemistry?
What happens if our science is never going to be true?
What happens if law is what is written, and nothing else?
What happens if loving yourself makes you loved more by other people?
What happens if loving other people makes you hated by them?
What happens if beauty is inferior to ugliness?
What happens if pain is superior to pleasure?
What happens if there are no moral truths?
What happens if there are no ethical truths?
What happens if there is no love, beside emotion?
What happens if monogamy can't make anyone happier?
What happens if good is subjective?
What happens if evil is subjective?
What happens if there is only this world?
What happens if there is no heaven or hell to soothe a suffering heart or set the scales of justice?
What happens if there is nothing in this life but what you choose to make it?
What happens if life is about pleasure and nothing else?
What happens if marriage isn't superior?
What happens if faith is dishonest?
What happens if freedom is too dangerous?
What happens if morality is governed by offense?
What happens if treachery can make you succeed and never feel an ounce of guilt?
What happens if there is no forgiveness?
What happens if there is no God?
Why Mental Age is not a Good Comparison to IQ
I don't know if "Mental Age" is a right analogy. There's certain biological factors that make that impossible. For instance, when you turn 18 and a half your body gets fat and begins to be sexually viable. And at 16 your hormones allow you to experience true love. At 23 your conscience is fully developed, and you can take more accountability for yourself. At 30 you become capable of understanding a bit deeper, and grow more mature. 30 was an interesting age, as a light bulb just clicked. You can see it on my blog, before 30, I was kind of silly, but then at 30 it just matured me instantaneously. I was reading old blog posts and could see the shift. You become more aware of evil at 30, and lose a lot of your naivety. And you also become less prone to worrying about social mistakes. You become significantly more aware of the other at 30, and I don't think that can exist even in a child prodigy. That's just not a good way of putting it.
The Things a Human Can Do that AI Can’t
The things you can do better than AI, are Imagine, Witness and Reason. So, if you use those three skills, which an AI can't do and will never do, you'll write better than it.
Imagination is creating worlds, using structure, subtext, and using knowledge of philosophy and psychology and sociology and general knowledge, creating imagery, and being intentional with your metaphors.
Witness is what you feel, see, smell, taste, touch, perceive... draw everything you write from primary sources. Your fears, your failures, what you see around you, gather impressions.
Reason, is the ability to move from lower principles, to higher principles, without having to touch it. It's a form of division, where you arrive at the unknown through seeing the patterns converge.
On Desire and Whether it Causes Suffering
I don't think it does, actually. Desire is actually very healthy, and can make you very happy, if focused on the right things. I think without desire, you lose your hope. And that's actually why depression coincides with hopelessness and a lack of desire or interest. That's generally why so many romances fail, is that one or the other partner's desire fails. When two people desire each other, it makes a heaven like bliss. That's why I reject Buddhism in a nutshell. Is that I think a large part of what's good, stems from our desire for the good and fulfillment of it.