1. When Father and Mother forsake you, and Sister and Brother are your adversaries, look to heaven's King.

2. You know not whether a smile will come down, and pardon you for your infractions.

3. Do not hate, and if on a rocky path, turn back. If there is strife, leave, but be there to pick up your friends if they will fall.

4. If the road is dangerous ahead, caution, and say "Turn Back!" Wisdom will be on the cliffs, right behind you. However, if your party will move forward, do not separate. Lay down your life for theirs, if need be.

5. Do not get separated from your people, and do not become a stranger at the wayside. The road is difficult ahead, and you will need them. If they are angry with you, forgive. Let your anger seethe, and forgive, and cool.

6. An imposition may be made, and the party may find disinterest in you, what a grievous wound. However, harm no one, and keep it a secret, lest you hear the Wolf's bark, and are ripped to pieces.

7. Keep silence before all, and do not speak. If your emotions well inside, keep quiet, and give all restraint to your lips. It will pacify the danger, and you will be a counsel for them on the dangerous highway.

8. Be afraid for nothing, but the welfare of your friends and family. If they feed you, even if tasteless, be grateful.

9. If depression stings you, and your heart burn within you, for all your allies are against you, and your very friend is at a distance, looking at your calamity! Woe to you, woe to you! You may have done a good thing, and this can still happen.

10. Suffer with love, rather than prosper with delusions. For suffering will cut off the delusions, and make you of sound mind again.

11. If you prosper in your delusions then you will be sad. Your LORD will not bless you, or make your heart happy. Wait for the LORD to time the silver in the smelting pot and refine it. Yet, it is best with just a little dross.

12. The purest silver needs a stamp... thus, Grace is needed for our surety.

13. To refine oneself in the iron furnace, if there is no godliness, there will be no prosperity. Purify yourself, and stay clean by calling on the LORD. That is what happens, you are refined by trial, until you are purified, and thereby ready for your work.

14. By confession, the LORD shall test you, and test you, and test you, until you are ready. Do not let go. Say even, "I will even go to hell, but the LORD is good, not I."

15. Heaven's roads are beautiful, and so are her streets. Her houses are made from gem stones, and the trees bear fruits of life. Therefore, keep it as a pearl in the field, and find it again. Give up this life, if need be, for the next.

16. If given the choice between heaven or hell, choose heaven. Suffer much in this life, so you may attain to the next. If that is what you need. It will be turned to your prosperity in the end.

17. Prosperity in life is a blessing, and can make a righteous man more righteous. But, a wicked man it will make more wicked.

18. God will not prosper you, if wicked thoughts well in your heart. For where poor, you are not empowered to use them. When rich, you will heap up many woes at the last day.

19. When a wicked man attains fortune, he may be happy, but all around him are misfortunate. For, he gathers them to himself, and becomes like a lord in his manor, and makes them his servants.

20. A righteous man gives, and does not hold back. The women cry, "Do not be so diligent," yet you make their hearts glad when you don't listen.

21. It is better to abandon a fruitless task, if you see great calamity up ahead than persist in it and meet your doom. Bear a little reproach at the beginning.

22. Jealousy is a cruel master. He will not let you do your business, but will cut you down.

23. Understand, my Son, if the LORD is good, wait upon Him. Though your heart is pained, and enlarged, and you feel as though hellfire grips you... stand firm in the faith. Do not say an idle word to the LORD, but thank Him that you are His.

24. I have seen a man in his ministry move heaven and earth, and do many explicitly marvelous things still saddened by his punery.

25. I have seen a man in his ministry lead thousands to hell, and do many explicitly greedy things, and still happy by his wealth.

26. Fortune is not the measure we mete, to know if we are doing good. For many do good with little fortune, and many do evil with much.

27. I saw a preacher well in despair, and I thought of him. Great mercy still persists for him, if he just stay in the faith a little longer.

28. Over the rocky pills, and on the edge of a tottering cliff, are the paths of righteousness. To divert off of it, can lead you down a sheer cliff.

29. Climb over the rock, and keep your footing sure. Turn back off the way of unrighteousness, and the ways of laziness. Be fruitful, and do your business, whatever it is. It does not need to be paid, only do it.

30. If a man blocks the road to the forest, rather than fight him, find a new path. It may be the LORD telling you, "It has been enough."

31. Pray, but do not worry. Do not set conditions for yourself in your prayer, or you will fail. Rather, petition the LORD, for you can not do a thing. The LORD empowers you.

32. Satan listens to your prayers, and sets little traps for you along the way: Pray! the traps are from the enemy, and not from God. If you see your prayer moving, but do not feel peace, then be wary: it does not come from God, it comes from some place else. 

33. After you fail, pray again, only with no more stipulations.

34. Make no prophecy, my Son. Do not do it. You are not a prophet. Desire earnestly to prophesy, but this is not fortune telling. This is rather the LORD causing you to speak wisdom, in a timely season.

35. The woman divined to me: "You are Esau." Thus, I was hated by God? She said, "Your desires are evil, repent." She was no prophet, but a stumbling block set in the path, a woman who sews pillows to catch the soul of the innocent;

36. She made the heart of one sad, whom the LORD did not make sad.

37. I ran through a troop, and leapt over a wall, so the sorcerer used his curses to cause my heart to sorrow. He said, "He shall stumble in the way with many sorrows." 

38. There was a great sorcerer who came to me and told me the burden of his power: I touched none of it, but learned the power of witness and interpretation.

39. There was a sorcerer who was offended by my righteousness, thus he counseled me to walk off the path and to choose great suffering over peace. He was offended by my godliness, but he cloaked it by calling it my sin.

40. There was a troop of sorcerers who wove spells over my whole life, causing me to do great folly with their wicked counsel, just so they could leverage it when I became righteous: And they did and caused great calamity.

41. There was a great sorcerer, who with flattering tongue was my friend. Yet, I believed him, and he turned into a friend. He richly blessed me with his conversion to peace.

42. I have met many strange enchanters in my life, but follow the LORD's counsel, and not theirs. For men come claiming to be prophets and apostles: Follow after Wisdom, though your heart is sore with grief, it shall be turned to Joy. For the LORD gives comfort to the mourner.

The Law of Attraction is not true. I've seen Coal Miners making cents on the dollars, and die of black lung. People who were better than anyone before or after them. I've also seen billionaires as kings, happy, never lifting a finger all their life ruining everyone but themselves.

I've seen Christians in prison, retain what was good about them. I've seen sinners never rebuked for a single one of their crimes, free as a bird.

On the flip, I've seen really good people in high positions, and very happy and wealthy. And I've seen very evil people low.

Fortune is a cast lot. So is pleasure. So is happiness. You can't will yourself to fortune. No more than you can pass through a brick wall. I've seen very hard work unrewarded. I can think of a man named Jan Ernst who built the Lasting Machine, even got the Patents, and made nothing. And I can think of the guy who robbed him after his death, making a fortune.

This is the real world. It's not fair. Unless we stop having illusions about it, and start making things work the right way. That's our collective responsibility, and why there is justice in the first place.

Earth: Work hard, and strong. Do, instead of think. Do not create. Work. Work hard. Sweat. Achieve. Build.

Wind: Be good, and nice. Love others, and sacrifice yourself for them. Cheer them with kindness, and make them glad.

Water: Be logical, and understand the shapes of nature. Make every detail correct, and work through it accurately.

Fire: See the larger meaning, and why. Know the hidden thoughts shrouded in a word. Connect it to the real world.

Death: Deconstruct all that is in a tradition. Question, and never rebuild. Stay firm in the foundation of nothing.

The Polymath: Is one of these five elements, but learns what they can from the other four.

The Sage: Is up to even four of them at once, but studies where they lack.

The Prodigy: Is all these elements at once, and a complete man.

The owl perched atop the Neighbor's house
Calling for its mate across the way...
Wisdom calls to wisdom in the night.
What is wisdom is often what is understood---
Yet to know, is not the same as to do.
For to teach cunning to the wise man
That is not his art... his art is to learn.
To know sometimes gets in the way of how to do it:
For what we do not know, we do instinctively.
Thus, it is better to do a thing with little knowledge
Of the theory, for the theory teaches us why
But not how. 

                           Wisdom calls to wisdom:
"I am wise because I do."
"I am wise because I know."
The two are perfectly mated
For one will know, while the other will do.
The pair on their migratory path, here every September
Their habitation wide and large.

1. If you fail, bring no one to the dust with you. You have failed. Get back up, and work to restore what was lost.

2. If a friend offend you, forgive him. If an enemy, the same. You may have a friend after all.

3. Do not do a thing, if you will increase worldly sorrows: There is strife for bread, that it is better to die than to strive for it.

4. If there is much sorrow in your bones, and a great feast, stay away from the feast for you will not share in the party's joy.

5. Remember, my Son, when you fall into misfortune, the LORD will not make you an utter end. When your heart is broken, and your body painful with the sorrows of hell, hold tight and your wisdom will illuminate you.

6. When you fail, do not curse anyone, no not even yourself. When your neighbor fails encourage him: maybe he will try again later, and receive the same reward had he persisted the first time.

7. Ten minutes of lost time, is enough to cause a great calamity. Be on time, or even early. Be in the moment, and not away from it.

8. Do not esteem yourself worthy, when you know you are unworthy. Neither esteem yourself highly, even if you are high. 

9.  Do not esteem yourself unworthy, if you know you are unworthy. Neither esteem yourself low, even if you are low.

10. Neutral is the self that succeeds, neither arrogant in success, nor despaired by defeat.

11. If  you hate yourself, that is just bloated self esteem. What you truly hate is your lack of ease.

12. Great mischief comes from the wound of an ally, and a great calamity falls upon all when allies betray allies. More grievous is that wound, than an enemy's.

13. If your ally wounds you, do not wound him back. Keep the secret, and stay chaste. There may be a hidden reward.

14. There is a sloth, but what business can a man do, when his ally is against him?

15. Do work all that you can, and when the women say "Do not work so hard" listen not to them, they are going to praise you in the end.

16. Even if you leave at an indiscretion, it is better than leaving a mortal blow to the one you love. Leave, and stay silent, and collect yourself, and be generous at the end.

17. An enemy hates you, so reap charity upon him, and heap coals underneath him so he is warm. He will have no reason to harm you.

18. Forgive, even if there is pain in your bones and your enemies seethe to destroy you. Though they cause enchantments to haunt your dreams, know the LORD rewards discipline and kindness.

19. If you fall to the floor, make as small a mess as you can. To heap destruction on others beside yourself, will cause a greater calamity.

20. Let yourself die, and others live. There is reward in heaven for this reason, so we can act in perfect righteousness.

21. Your enemy dies, and he goes to hell. Fear for his soul, and seek to snatch him by the collar---if his coat slips through, it is Judas' noose.

22. If your friends will steal from you, what will your enemies do? Woe to that man, even if he were a righteous son.

23. Wisdom planed the world, and used her scale. Thus, the construction of Space and Time reveal the LORD. 

24. Fill your mind with what is good. The geometer's scale is a fright to the fool, but it is pleasure to the wise.

25. Instead of thinking of fornication and murder, mind your studies in school, young ones. Do this, and you will never err. 

26. All wise men have their things to say, and there reasons for saying it. Mind them, even if you truly hate their wisdom... at the end you will see their sayings, and know wisdom.

27. I saw a man, and called him a fool. Yet, it was the wisest of all sayings: There can be nothing apart from God, and that is what the man had proved, though he did not wish to.

28. All the faculties of a wise man were put to prove the Law of God were false, and he failed. Thus, he went insane for his replacement was unnatural to the conscience of man.

29. Predators eat the prey. The prey fend off the predator with their horns and hooves.

30. A fornicator has no defense. He shall be like a rabbit against a wolf.

31. There is a sprawling bull with deadly horns, who was subdued by a beast. It did not show God's dissatisfaction with the bull. Only that the beast were stronger.

32. Man is clever, and can use his mind to unloose knots or tie them.

33. If there is a great cataclysm, know there is shelter in the LORD's pavilion. He shall have a tent prepared for you, where none shall harm you.

34. When you fail, sometimes the failure was truly a test of your mettle. It may have been designed by God, and a way out of greater misfortune than you knew.

35. If an ally wound you, trust it. It may be for your good, and not for your harm.

36. Trust between men is sacred, and when two trust each other, they shall strive against one who is more powerful than each on their own.

37. Trust between a man and wife is the most powerful of all loves. It is more powerful than the love of a woman for her children.

38. Stay out of trouble, and hide yourself from calamity. You may look foolish for a moment, but wisdom will be with you.

39. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Don't love yourself and then your neighbor.

40. Love the LORD your God better than you do your own earthly sire. Tell Him what you cannot dare tell him in the secret of your closet.

41. Tell each man according to his understanding: A decision is multi sided, and no one will come to understand the whole shape.

42. You will be ruined, if you tell all your heart to every man. No, speak it to the LORD, and tell each man what he will receive in charity. 

"I have two worlds who work off my debts
"To pay for my bag of dreams.
"In the room they came and went
"And my enemy sat by and screamed."

I have forty trillion dollars debt
Which pay interest every day.
Yet, the LORD my God shall be my rent
And for my Dreams His blood shall pay.

A good deed is never enough
Self sacrifice is called "Not love."
Though he be trampled, scorned, and made a gazing stock
The people scorn him, and say he's not worth his lot.
Though poor, and can't afford cigarettes
He wouldn't smoke them, nor invest
If he had money to pay the clime
It's misery to him which he has in time.
All use him, and his every selfish woe
His one request is backbit you know.
Thus, all do laugh and scorn...
Yet, he does it with cheer, and yet you never learn.
He may frown at folly, and fear what's rash
He may, and then they call him trash.
The people hawk and mock and scorn...
Is that the righteous bully we all have learned?
The one who gives his back to scorn
Let him have a little darkness
So we may sweetly learn.
For his heart is pressed to do good deeds...
When he is a little grumpy, don't tease his weeds.
For we all love to mock a righteous man
Yet who is there when you need him? Now understand.

I, in this essay, will consider if I had ever lived a full life. I am poor, with 15 dollars to my name. I have travelled at the furthest, to Kansas City, Buffalo, and Fort Lauderdale. I live with my dad at the age of 37. I have a painful depression, but no anxiety or fear. I have my driver's license. I have written above 5,000,000 good words, and 12,300 good pages. I have written epic poems, novels, short stories, autobiographies, poetry in the Neoclassical and Romantic and Modernist vein. I have invented my own literary philosophy, called Neo-Formalism. I have studied the foundations of Math and Geometry. I reverse engineered Euler's Identity, Completed the Square with no knowledge of the Quadratic Equation, found Pi relates to a Circle's Circumference with a piece of string and quarter, and from studying Euclid's Elements have derived a formula that calculates the Golden Ratio. I have studied three major philosophies, Existentialism, Platonism and Epicureanism. I have read over 50 classics, and have read portions of nearly 100. My depression seems to be physical, associated with my high blood pressure, but I am content. I have schizoaffective disorder. I can cook delicious recipes. I've eaten fine food, and the best local produce. I am not hungry. I am not thirsty. I have a bed. I have nice things. I have good friends. I have good family. 

Considering all of these are the facts about my life, I will reason, because I don't truly know... Had I lived a good life? Travelling to the whole world, from the window of a computer has given me a rich experience, seeing humanity in all her nuances. I have seen the same patterns in history, too, and have comprehensively studied humanity. And I have comprehensively studied God, too. I've comprehensively studied the Sages. So, I will go over the meaning of life:

Wealth and Power: This I have none, and wouldn't want it. I think having wealth and power are a shame, that most people who use it, use it wrong. Some may say I have low utility, therefore, need not have wealth and power. All the same, I don't think life is built around our usefulness. What is it built off of though? That's the question.

Family: I do not have a family of my own. No children, grand children, no spouse. But, I do have a good mother and dad, and a good brother, and good friends. The mean here is where I set, at 37. Neither having a great and sprawling vine from my loins, nor am I disappointed with my lot in life with friends and family. To even have one person you can rely on, is a lot, I have dozens. Because I've learned the art of keeping friends and family, is to forgive them, no matter how deep the wound.

Leisure: Here some may say I have a lot, but I don't. I spend all my time learning, and understanding. To have things to write about, and write about them correctly. Yet, a scholar must have little business, to be in the way of doing their job. Thus, my basic necessities are met, and I am like a Monk, hidden away in an alley, learning the meaning of life, of which I have found it.

Meaning: I have found multiple meanings to life. Pleasure, which I have about half of the world's pleasures. I have found love, which I am buffeted on all sides. I have found God, which is Christ Jesus. And I have found the meaning of life is to Love God with all your Heart, Soul and Mind, and to love my neighbor as myself  Which, who do I love more than myself? Therefore, I ought to love my neighbor that much, and God more.

Learning: Here I have great learning, but what is it all for? What is true today, is not true tomorrow, and what is true yesterday is like it never were. Therefore, I am perplexed. What stays consistent? That I have found two things: The laws of Space and the Laws of God. Wherefore am I content with anything but? Plutarch can tell me about Caesar, but I would need Caesar to tell me about Caesar to know the whole of it. Yet, men witnessed God, and knew Him, and so have I, so I have known God better than Caesar, and that is where my learning comes from.

Love: I have found no greater meaning than love. Desire for a spouse, friendship with a good man, sacrificial love for a stranger, and the familial love toward parents and siblings, and hopefully one day children. What more is there to life? If you never learn the half of the world's mysteries, you are greatly benefited by love. You need no other knowledge, and no other meaning. Thus, I have love in great abundance, so therefore, have loved unconditionally, therefore, have lived fully.

At the conclusion, I truly do see life as meaningless. Empty, hollow and void. Where there is any power, it can be stripped away. Where there is any fortune, it the same. Other wills and other minds stop fortunes, and oppress, and keep those whom they choose to be low or high, at movement or idle. There is no gain in this life, if you seek it. Nothing but the movement of other wills, which keeps a man in his place. If those wills say you have choice, and can be rich, then you are. If those wills say you will fail, then so you do. It is all an illusion. Thus, I have found one thing worthy in life, and that is to love others, and therefore, through loving them, one will love God. And I have worked for this wisdom, the same wisdom I had since a youth, it is the same wisdom I have now. And that is all I've found in life that has meaning. Is my love.

I listen to the most beautiful pour out her woes to me
About a lost lover, and a Christian I do see.
Yet, what is her heartbreak, is so pure---
It is not the swells of hate.
No, my love, keep your youthful bloom,
For you have no enemies irate.

For Christ is mine, and I am His,
And I listen to the shepherds sing,---
Of Songs of Solomon, and the maid,
Of a Bridal loom do spin.
The lace of truth, and the ornaments of grace
I see upon you now,
Oh beautiful among the maidens, thy face is not so proud.

Yet, like a warrior, I fight my battle
And I cast my crown to He.
The war is all around me, and at the end I do sing.
Great are the warfares of precious love and truth.
To keep the love you have for all,
That is what you fight for: prove
To me your worthy brow, by being a righteous maid.
Keep your virgin heart for love
And to the LORD do pray.

For I see your heart is so beautiful,
And your righteous love beats true.
You are often in my prayers my sister
And I speak to you words so smooth.
The glassy eye you have for her
Who sits upon your lap,
Who faithfully looks up at you, that is why I laugh.
Not in mocking, but with joy, for your love is ever true:
Keep that love you have for all, and I shall always love you.